To be sick of people assuming the PTA is full of a certain type of parent/social climbers etc

[PartyCat]

I am a single working parent with a very busy, stressful life, not your typical tiger-mom by any stretch. I am sick of the number of times I have read people on here saying something about the PTA type mums - I only did it because it is basic social responsibility and we need to raise money for our schools as they are on their knees, and no-one else would bloody well step up. There were only a handful of us (at best) who did all the heavy lifting, the rest would just turn up and everything already be organised, as if by the magic PTA pixies! I am sick of hearing about whatsapp groups about people complaining about something we did or arranged, or how it was handled. Then step the fuck up yourself and do it as it was the last thing I wanted or needed to do, and was extremely stressful. I know some schools may fit the stereotype that everyone seems to think about PTAs, but not ours. Even if the women (let's face it, it is usually women, not sure why men think they have nothing to do with their kids education) in your school do fulfil the stereotype you have, at least they are actually doing something to help their kids and YOURS. Stop carping from the sidelines and get off your arse and help out too. Or at the very least, please stop making massive assumptions about the types of people in them. Cheers!

I find a lot of PTA members to be holier than thou/martyrs/up teachers arses/want everyone to thank them profusely for every small thing they do and rage on internet forums about how important their contributions are.

Therefore, I would say YABU as lots of PTA parents are social climbers imo.

I think our PTA are amazing. Also know one of the governors who is also fab. I hate parents' WhatsApp groups with the fire of a thousand suns 🧐. One of the reasons being the constant stream of stupid complaints by parents who never volunteer to help themselves, but are the first to moan if everything isn't just so. It really grinds my gears.

YANBU.

PS: I was on the committee at my DC's nursery and it was a lot of work! Not ready to join the school PTA and they don't actually need anyone anyway, but I am full of admiration for them and all the work they do.

In my experience my children’s primary is dominated by the type of people in your title but helped by a bunch of extremely kind, sweet people who are bossed around and treated like crap.

Our PTA isn’t great, the chair is very dominant and generally only approves fundraising for things that specifically benefit her child. He has riding lessons, last year the PTA fundraised so ten disadvantaged children could have a riding lesson, she included her son in this who isn’t disadvantaged so a place was taken from a child in need. Wrong of her, but also wrong that the school didn’t step in.

I will never forget a meeting with the then Head who was telling me quite seriously that the staff couldn't help at a disco because they had kids at home!!

I just looked at him and said we all have kids at home of varying ages that we have to have looked after whilst we are here, we don't have monkeys that we can lock in cages and pop down here. He had the good grace to look ashamed.

You see, your attitude is exactly the type of approach that was typical of the PTA at our school. I don't like the assumption that teachers should be pressured to give up their own time with their own families in order to benefit your kids at an event that you have chosen to organise. The fact that you might also need childcare is irrelevant - you have chosen to get involved, the teachers might just want to get on and do the jobs that they are paid to do.

Imo, a decent head will stand up to a demanding PTA chair over issues like this. They have a duty of care to promote a good work-life balance for their staff, and the paltry amount of money typically raised by these discos probably doesn't warrant asking the staff to give up yet more of their time. There are other more important things to prioritise.

Fundraise if you want to, and if you think that it will benefit your children, but don't labour under the misapprehension that you're somehow doing the headteacher or the staff a favour. They don't owe you.

Thing is, every school and every PSA is different. And in fact, they change every few years as parents leave the school, or new staff come in, etc.

Ours: an Osted 'excellent' school so everyone assumed we had a big active PSA. Reality was, we had the bare basics (literally just the office roles filled by random people, all new to the PSA, after the previous more cliquey committee quit en masse). We managed to keep things ticking over for a year or two, just running discos, couldn't manage to staff a summer fair (ZERO support from the school even for one event. You'd think they'd want to have one event a year, but the head was on track for a promotion and her well-repeated line was "no one is interested in summer fairs anymore." )

There's now a new head, one more amenable to supporting the PSA's attempts to have a few events a year. I can't stress how FEW events I mean. A handful.

Then down the road, there's a friend's village school. Their school PSA sounds like the Stepford wives, they are asked to bring contributions in every other week for sales or breakfasts, etc etc. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the amount of work that's expected of all the parents there.

So basically, if parents from that type of school are in the thread, they will of course have the view that the PSA runs everything, are cliquey, and don't appreciate anything. If parents from my son's old school are here, they'd probably struggle to come up with anything we've ever done besides a Christmas fair last year and the discos.

For my own part, though, I can say I enjoyed my time as treasurer. I met more people, enjoyed helping out, and learned a bit about the behind the scenes of the school. I'm not a good school gate mum. I'd recommend it to anyone.

But feel free to run a mile if they don't appreciate you!

I did volunteer and stopped because it was obvious that it was a certain friendship group running everything and all they wanted was people to do the donkey work and they take the credit. Any new ideas or suggestions were shouted down. I'm a professional fundraiser and had to report in the end to the governors that they were breaking all kids of charity law (pta was a registered charity) I quit though because I obviously wasn't suitable having a job, an old car and a disabled child

I know some schools may fit the stereotype that everyone seems to think about PTAs, but not ours
People whose children attend a school with the "stereotypical" (as you are labelling it) PTA are entitled to speak about that. Your experience is not universal and just because you feel that it doesn't represent you or your fellow PTA members, doesn't mean it isn't reality for others.

Even if the women (let's face it, it is usually women, not sure why men think they have nothing to do with their kids education) in your school do fulfil the stereotype you have, at least they are actually doing something to help their kids and YOURS. Stop carping from the sidelines and get off your arse and help out too
When the PTA is cliquey, snobby and unapproachable, funnily enough it does tend to put people off from helping out. Many of us would love to get involved but are not willing to navigate all the unnecessary bullshit in order to do so. Again, that doesn't mean we aren't entitled to have a little moan on Mumsnet about it. The fact that some of these PTAs make themselves such an impenetrable clique does not make them saintly for "doing all the work". They are only doing all the work because they've purposely made it so hard for otherwise willing parents to take part and pitch in.

I completely understand the concept that it is social responsibility. Fine, some posters think it’s all pointless but the majority of people seem to want to engage with some (definitely not all) other parents, and have an expectation of there bueno some sort of school community.

The events are tedious as an adult but there is an expectation. One of our local schools had no such events and it was So frequently commented on as being a miserable negative school. I think it’s nice to encourage wider community interaction as well.

Due to my work commitments (I’m often abroad), sometimes at very short notice I tended to be more into turning up and being given a task then being on my way rather than getting involved in the organisation. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to donate a day a year too your time to your community. I didn’t do it to be martyr or feel good it just makes sense to contribute something.

I will never forget a meeting with the then Head who was telling me quite seriously that the staff couldn't help at a disco because they had kids at home!!

@Venicelover
But the disco was for your children to enjoy and the money raised would benefit your children. How much of your free time/evenings with your children do you willingly give up/pay for a babysitter in order to fundraise for the children of people at your place of work?

@PartyCat you're not wrong AT ALL, but counting money after the summer fair? Come on! That's prime Booze and Bitch group time!! That's the perk!!

I was a PTA mum along with 4 other school mum friends.

Sorry but the PTA was run by "those types" and they'd regularly ignore everyone's suggestions and make arrangements without us and do everything they wanted. When a new chair was elected they didn't even tell her that a large event was on.
Yet they do their utmost to appear run off their feet, all "frazzled", sighing about being oh soooo busy!

We quit

@AlexaShutUp

I will never forget a meeting with the then Head who was telling me quite seriously that the staff couldn't help at a disco because they had kids at home!!

I just looked at him and said we all have kids at home of varying ages that we have to have looked after whilst we are here, we don't have monkeys that we can lock in cages and pop down here. He had the good grace to look ashamed.

You see, your attitude is exactly the type of approach that was typical of the PTA at our school. I don't like the assumption that teachers should be pressured to give up their own time with their own families in order to benefit your kids at an event that you have chosen to organise. The fact that you might also need childcare is irrelevant - you have chosen to get involved, the teachers might just want to get on and do the jobs that they are paid to do.

Imo, a decent head will stand up to a demanding PTA chair over issues like this. They have a duty of care to promote a good work-life balance for their staff, and the paltry amount of money typically raised by these discos probably doesn't warrant asking the staff to give up yet more of their time. There are other more important things to prioritise.

Fundraise if you want to, and if you think that it will benefit your children, but don't labour under the misapprehension that you're somehow doing the headteacher or the staff a favour. They don't owe you.

I was a teacher myself at that point. The fact was that the staff at that school did not want to bother with anything after 3.30pm. They were, however, constantly asking the PTA for funds to buy xyz.

I attended/helped staff PTA organised events at the school where I taught.

No PTA member ever thinks that her PTA is “that” PTA. 😂

All those fun events are a giant pain in the arse and I’m SO glad Covid has put the kibosh on them. At least for now.

@Ohtherewearethen

I will never forget a meeting with the then Head who was telling me quite seriously that the staff couldn't help at a disco because they had kids at home!!

@Venicelover
But the disco was for your children to enjoy and the money raised would benefit your children. How much of your free time/evenings with your children do you willingly give up/pay for a babysitter in order to fundraise for the children of people at your place of work?

See above!!

I attended/helped staff PTA organised events at the school where I taught.

And that's fair enough because it was your choice. Some of the teachers at dd's school also used to attend stuff, which was lovely. However, as a parent, I would boycott any events if I knew that the teachers were pressured to attend.

Same as being a governor ..,. So so much complaining from certain families... who never step forwards to support or apply at all

No way should teachers be obliged to be involved in any way whatsoever. Good effort if they come to the events but utterly fair enough if they don’t. They do enough.

@AlexaShutUp

I attended/helped staff PTA organised events at the school where I taught.

And that's fair enough because it was your choice. Some of the teachers at dd's school also used to attend stuff, which was lovely. However, as a parent, I would boycott any events if I knew that the teachers were pressured to attend.

Most teachers have pressure applied either subtly or overtly to attend many events. Do you really think they all want to do all the extracurricular stuff that OFSTED and many parents expect?

The PTA is just an extension of that.

The truth of the matter is that many schools could not function as they do without monies raised by the PTA and they should be able to rely on staff helping out for the common good.

Just as many people have to socialise or network for business, teachers need to understand that they also need to show commitment in ways they might not necessarily choose to do.

I say this as someone who was a teacher and who has a son who teaches. I am also a governor.

My friend was asked how much she got paid as a governor 🙄🙄🙄

@PartyCat

NoSquirrels - I think I love you!

😘

@LolaSkoda

I find a lot of PTA members to be holier than thou/martyrs/up teachers arses/want everyone to thank them profusely for every small thing they do and rage on internet forums about how important their contributions are.

Therefore, I would say YABU as lots of PTA parents are social climbers imo.

It never occurred to me to be thanked by the adults, I chose to volunteer Mind you our PTA was a real laugh and full of people who should have known better

My youngest just left primary looking back you know what op on balance glad I did it despite the annoyance and moaning from lazy gits. I met some brilliant women and even the bad bits were funny in hindsight 😁. That stage of life over now that’s it!

We even had a demon dentist evil parent who would complain about whatever we did but never lifted a finger ever. Too funny (again only in hindsight!)

I've never heard a bad thing said about my kids school PTA. Is it a thing?

They do an amazing job at raising cash for the school. The chair is lovely and talks to everyone (like you, does it on top of her day job) and the next in command is a lady with 4 kids studying a specialist degree too! These are just a couple of the ladies that work tirelessly to organise events and do the behind the scenes admin when everyone has left and snug in their homes. I don't think I've ever heard a single negative comment (I dont eavesdrop into convos though!) But nothing ever bad said about them to me or within my earshot that I've noticed.