Children mustn't see grandparents until vaccine found?

[Witterywoman]

Now that the kids are back at school, SIL has said her kids must isolate from both sets of grandparents in case they give them Covid picked up at school, and this must continue until a vaccine is found. All 4 grandparents are over 70 but healthy, no health conditions to speak of. My parents are particularly upset and don't understand it. I don't get it either and don't intend to stop them seeing my kids.

Are we missing something?

Frankly I see your DSIL’s point. I wouldn’t go as far as banning until a vaccine is found, but I’d hold them at a distance for a month or so until the ramifications of school reopening are clearer.

I would say it should be up to the grandparents to decide.

Assuming you/they are in England, at the very least they should be social distancing unless they qualify to be in a support bubble with the grandparents.

I think your SIL is probably right. Outbreakat a friend’s kids nursery this week....clearly kids do get and do pass it on. Except that they may be asymptomatic in the main but to me this is even more insidious and a big risk.

Sorry but that's insane. Are the grandparents going out of the house? Driving a car even in their age group is a more "risky" activity than catching and dying of covid. They're in their 70s so they're definitely inordinately more at risk of getting some form of cancer or any number of other diseases. This govt have really done a number on peoples ability to rationally assess risk.

I can see this from both points of view - on the one hand it's up to the grandparents as to whether they're happy to take the risk. On the other hand, how would the children and grandchildren feel if they caught coronavirus and passed it on and one of your parents became very ill/died as a result? Personally I would struggle to come to terms with that and we will be having very limited contact with elderly relatives this winter.

@Nighttimefreedom

I would say it should be up to the grandparents to decide.

They can make their own risk assessment I agree.

However if anything happened the SIL would have to live with the knowledge. Maybe she doesn’t want to do that.

I will certainly reduce the amount of time mine spend with my mum (over 70, not amazing health) so for instance we’re not using her for childcare, but she would not want to not see them at all, and her choice has to be taken into account.

Surely it’s your parents choice? We have to take into account mental health too. I know both sets of grandparents in my family would far rather risk Covid than never see in person or hug their grandchildren ever again.

I understand her view. Maybe in summer hols after isolating for 10-14 days she could visit for a week or 2.
I’m not suggesting that her way is the right way but is understandable and many people I know are lessening visits and reliance on grandparents to try and keep them safe.

This is why we are home educating right now - so the DC can continue seeing their grandparents. I’ll continue to do so until there is a vaccine or better therapeutics.

It is up to the grandparents whether or not they take that risk, however I refused to put my parents in the position of choosing. We discussed the decision beforehand as an extended family so everyone had input.

My grandparents, who are in their late 80's, have decided for themselves that they're not going to spend the last years of their life isolating from family and missing out on hugging their grandchildren and great grandchildren.

@Nighttimefreedom

I would say it should be up to the grandparents to decide.

Absolutely.

I think the effects of all these restrictions on elderly people have been horrendous. At 70+ whilst hopefully they have many years of life left, realistically it may be 10 years or less; at that time of life I wouldn't want to miss even more time with my GC. I'd rather take the risk.

Surely the grandparents should have some say in the matter? There isn't going to be a vaccination for a while yet so what your SIL is effectively doing is prohibiting them from beibg a part of their grandchildrens lives for an unknown period of time, surely that's going to be terrible for not only their mental health, but also the mental health of her children? Will she really prevent them seeing their grandparents at Christmas, birthdays or any other important occasions going forward for an unknown period of time?

Why is it up to your SIL and how can she tell both sets of grandparents what to do, I might be having a dumb moment but how can she have the same 4 grandparents?

It isn't any thing other than their choice imo, assuming they aren't all senile why can't they decide for themselves?

My parents have decided not to miss out on living their lives and seeing family - they'd rather live their lives than exist. Same reasoning they used during various cancer treatments when they were immunosuppressed but continued to see family.

Grandparents decision. They’re grown adults, they can decide, or does she think she’s their mum too?

Has your SIL factored in the fact there's a high chance we will never have a vaccine?

Surely if they’re happy to they can keep seeing each other at 2m distance? Not seeing them at all seems a bit extreme, but this certainly isn’t the time to relax on social distancing for their generation.

We are seeing grandparents but keeping our distance and meeting outside where possible.

Sooner or later we're gonna have to learn to live with this in a healthier way than isolating everyone, especially against their will. If vulnerable people want to isolate away and are happy to do so then by all means, crack on. But it should be up to each individual to make their own assessment. There comes a point when the lives we're trying to save need to be worth living.

My DM isn't in best health. We've agreed to give it a few weeks to observe trends.

We haven't visited since March- two visits arranged and cancelled as DM keeps getting operation dates and then getting moved. (And we can't visit in the run up to an operation). It's 200miles, we can't just pop round.

even if we do get a vaccine it's likely to only be 70% effective your SIL maybe has gone into the black hole of covid stress and taken it to its 'logical', I would say inhumane, conclusion. are you asking for advice op?

I can see her point of view. Risk to over 70’s is very high, it’s easy to forget that as the risk to younger folk is negligible.

I would look at local infection rates, consider if the children are capable of distancing, and judge from there.

As others have said, older people will not want to put their lives on hold, as they don’t have that much time left.

I would say it should be up to the grandparents to decide.

I don't know why people keep saying this. If the worst happens and SIL's DC infect their grandparents then she will have to live with this. Maybe she doesn't want to?

That said, I can't see why socially distanced outside visits could not be managed.