Contributing to niece's uni costs

[Onionpeeler]

I've been asked to pay £120/month for my niece for her living expenses while she's at uni. She has a younger sister who will also probably go to uni so I'll probably be asked for that too. I don't earn a huge amount so I'm not that keen. I don't have my own kids though so am I being tight? AIBT?

is the private school specific for her needs?
agree with emotional support
offer to visit

She can get a part time job to earn £120 a month. That's 4 hours work a week.

Student loans and a p/t job. Cut her social coat according to her cloth.

This is what most students have to do to cope with uni.

She isn't your responsibility - and as you say, there's a second nice you would be expected to help out, too. You're looking at about 6 years of regular support. And may be asked to help with occasional one-off costs, too, for books etc.

It's an awful position to be in, but if you can't comfortably afford it, please say "no".

It's awful the girls lost their mother - but are there no grandparents, aunts, uncles on the side who might be able to contribute?

Private school is a luxury. If they can't afford it, she can't go. That's that.

Like others I’m confused how it’s your responsibility?

The private school needs to be addressed; the fees for a Y11 child can be as much as the average UK salary. WTF was your brother thinking?

You have no obligation to help on a monthly basis. Having said that, if you can afford it, I would get a supermarket gift card for your niece (find out which one is close) and top it up regularly. My guess is that your brother earns too much for your niece to get the full loan amount or bursery and she will struggle with living costs.

I struggled to go to uni as my family wouldn't help out. Maintenance loans etc are partially based on parents income and they won't account for £10000 a year going on fees. If you're able to do it it would be a lovely thing to do. If you aren't planning to have children you may become closer/ more reliant on DNs as you get older. I'm not saying you should give to receive just that you may feel guilty of they help you when you didn't help them.

The private school DC might have had a bursary. Some schools will work with families whose circumstances change.
It's not UR to ask family for help. None of us can judge if you can afford it or not. That's up to you.

If her dad is a single income and not well off then she will qualify for adequate student loans which she can make u with a part time job.

|If he's paying private school fees he isn't that hard up.

It's awful the girls lost their mother - but are there no grandparents, aunts, uncles on the side who might be able to contribute?

errr isn't that the OP? she is an aunt being asked to contribute.

I’d give her £50 here and there and maybe a big shop at the beginning of term.

in that context I would help if i could - if you don't have the money, then emotional support would be lovely i think if you can

I love to read. When I was at uni my Aunt sent me a new book occasionally because she figured money was tight and I’d enjoy it. It wasn’t expected and a really lovely surprise.

That’s an aunt’s role - the odd treat (if affordable). Anything else is for the parents/student.

I would. Maybe say you will help as much as you can but can't commit to a fixed amount.
Can't she live in a house as part of a live -in arrangement , looking after children or elderly for a set amount of hours a week? Have a look here www.homecare.co.uk/news/article.cfm/id/1560936/creation-of-homeshare-scheme-for-elderly-and-young-students-explored-by-age-uk-oxfordshire

Obviously it's very sad that their DM died, but this sounds like they're using other people's money to facilitate expensive choices like private school while making poor financial decisions themselves - did they have sufficient life insurance for your SIL for example?

So he's spent all his parents money and how he's after yours. You could make a contribution if you can afford it, but I wouldn't feel obliged to, especially if they're not doing all they can to help themselves - eg your niece gets a job and takes all the loans she is eligible for. She should also see if there are any grants she can apply for and consider the cost of living in her university town - ie she doesn't necessarily have to study in London or another expensive city if she could do a good standard course in a city with cheaper living costs.

No. This is not a crowd funding activity.

No way in hell would I be paying that. An occasional treat maybe, but that’s where it would stop for me I’m afraid.

No I definitely wouldn’t be giving £120 a month when they have a child in private education! If you want to help a little bit on your own terms why not say you’ll send her a bit of online grocery shopping every month but only if you want to help out and you can afford it! Don’t feel guilted in to it.

It's what student loans are for. I can't believe the cheek of your parents.

Please do not do this - put £120 into a pension fund for yourself instead. I have three children and due to a low income all three have received full loan. We encouraged all three to take up part time jobs in sixth form and save for uni and to then take a gap year in order to take a job and build up a fund for themselves. We have rarely had to top up their money as they topped it up themselves. Your brother/sister chose to have children and their children can now make their own choices. Please do not do this. Maybe say you will make one-off gifts at Christmas and Birthdays if that helps you get out of the situation, but DO NOT commit to regular monthly payments - £120 is a lot of money.

One DC was waiting staff for a catering events company and a swimming teacher, one worked in a restaurant as part-time waiting staff and the other did pool life-guarding at a local pool (after an initial £400 payout from us for the course - 50% refunded after three months work). All part time, all during sixth form and in uni holidays, all at Russell Group Unis and all without needing much input from us financially. Eldest worked at Tescos as a picker for six months during lockdown to fund starting a full time job this week and needing a deposit for a room rental. They learn how to support themselves this way.

PLEASE DO NOT COMMIT TO THIS - It's CF time

Do your family think you're wealthy compared to them?

No, please dont do this.

If you have £120 a month to spare save it for your future.

This isn’t your responsibility. It’s lovely if you wanted to help out from time to time but this would have to be your choice - you will resent it otherwise.

Decades ago I was at uni near my auntie and I hurt my leg so couldn’t walk to a launderette (Or at all for a few months!) . My auntie used to come round and collect/return my washing and bring home made cake! Happy days... I was a tiny bit disappointed when I got a second hand washing machine as there were no more weekly cake deliveries. It was lovely she did this and I have happy warm memories of her helping as I was a bit stuck. I’d be mortified if I thought she’d done this reluctantly. And I would never have taken money from her.

Why have they asked you? I have two much better off sisters with no kids. I'd never ever dream of asking them.

What on Earth? Absolutely no way! Unless you were absolutely minted, could afford it and wanted to I'd say a definite no. Not your responsibility!

And my dd, who is about to go, has no expectations from us either. Loans and working through uni.