Contributing to niece's uni costs

[Onionpeeler]

I've been asked to pay £120/month for my niece for her living expenses while she's at uni. She has a younger sister who will also probably go to uni so I'll probably be asked for that too. I don't earn a huge amount so I'm not that keen. I don't have my own kids though so am I being tight? AIBT?

I really don't understand why your parents facilitate any of this. Their son has two foreign properties, sends his child to private school, and pisses away his money on alcohol, but they think you should bail out his child who received a £50IK payout relatively recently? WTF?

Sorry, £50K payout, not £50lK

Even if you are childfree and wealthy it isn't a given that you should help them out if you got on with them

I am, or was until I adopted my two. You would be surprised at how people seem to treat childFree people as some kind of walking magic money tree.

My family have been great, but my husbands sister (mother of the two we adopted) certainly expected us to pay for clothes, education, toys, tech....you name it, just because we didn't have children of our own. We were also expected to babysit at the drop of a hat, pick them up from school when ill even though we worked full time and she didn't work at all. All we heard was that we had no responsibilities, no one to spend our money on except ourselves, the usual bollocks. We did it because we love the kids and they were definitely being neglected, hence why they came to live with us when she died.

I've also had friends who have asked me to be godmother to their children so I'd help out financially with the kids, but expensive presents etc. Usual story: what else did I have to spend my money on? Err, you'd be surprised.

I've also had an elderly aunt who I used to look after a lot leave all her money to my brother and sister and cut me out of the will because I didn't have children to raise and they did.

There's so much entitlement that people like me suffer just because we decided not to have, or couldn't have, kids.

I could afford it to be honest, I earn about £50k/year but I’m self employed and don’t have a pension so I’m saving for that plus I’m not guaranteed work.

And it sounds like you won't get any inheritance from your parents (either it will be gone or your brother will get it). Don't do this. £50K isn't much when you have no cushion to fall back on.

And what you do with your own property is your business.

Your family sound like a bunch of grabby twats, sorry.

Asking who else is contributing and how much is a question on financial aid forms for college over here. I was gob smacked.

@WhereYouLeftIt

"My dad doesn’t even have his own property any more" What a wanker your brother is.

The answer should still be no. Don't enable this ridiculous situation.

Harsh but true.

I sometimes wonder though if my dad is setting the situation up? To be such an enabler and trying to get me and my mum involved. It’s really odd and it’s also become sort of normalised. We are enmeshed and we don’t have enough extended family who know what’s going on to help. My mum is strong thank god so we just have to fight it but it’s a weird and complicated situation, not easy to figure it all out.

Please read Martin Lewis at money saving expert on student loans. Dont see it so much as a debt in the normal sense, but as a graduate tax. You are not beating debt by not taking the student finance. Please refuse on the basis they have misunderstood how student finance works.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes/

Sorry if I misread something, but did you say your brother has 2 other properties? Well in that case he needs to look at selling one to finance his daughter through Uni.
Or else, she needs to do what rest of us do and take loans and get a job.
Out of interest, are your family planning to reciprocate when your own child/children go to Uni? If not, they can bog off.

How entitled people are these days. Of course you must not do this. No, no, no.

Wtf?? No way!

If there isn't something behind this all, why would you ?

99% of people seem to be thinking WTAF, so you're totally vindicated if you say "Nein danke"

Surely she can get a job and a student loan.

Absolutely not. No way. No how. No. Neon. Na. Ne. Nedda. Net. Be firm OP! 💪🏼

YABBU in your circumstances. However I have two older brothers both retired and very comfortably off. Neither have children and are very unlikely to. I have one daughter and her uncles are her only living relatives they have no other nieces or nephews. She is about to go to uni and it would be nice of them to help. I know they won’t offer and I won’t ask. They think that it is enough that she will inherit their money at some point.

Ehhhhh....

When you are 18, you can go to work as well as uni and get a grant/loan that you don't need to pay back unless you earn over a certain amount . It's not a loan in the bowl sense and you only pay it back when you earn a decent amount. Why have the kids ?! If you can't spend the money on them. I work my arse off for my child and worked all the way through uni

It's a lot of money but if I had it spare I would want to help my niece and my brother given their mother has died and they've obviously encountered very hard times.

There's no obligation though, morally or financially so do it if you want to/ have the means to otherwise say no.

OP,
I don't think you can afford it.
You don't have a pension and are self employed.
You need a pension and some buffer savings.

I think you would be absolutely self sabotaging to commit to this.

Good luck.

I've not read the full thread. But have read some of the OP updates.

I wouldn't give your brother a penny.

If you can afford to support your niece and want to i would send supermarket vouchers (direct to her) or something that has to be used on practical things.

You should not have to pay for your niece. She’s not your responsibility. Student finance will go off her dad’s wage when she applies for a maintenance loan for university. Also, can your brother’s children not go to a state sixth form rather than private? Saves money and they’ll have more for university.

I wouldn't pay it. She can get loans or a job.

It's amazing how family members can think. I've just found out that my nephew thinks I and my DH should pay for his holidays because 'we have so much money' What he conveniently forgets that my DH and I have worked hard all our lives, never had a handout unlike him and his DM who has have hardly ever worked and sit around smoking weed. Ffs! His argument is, it's what family should do!
I'm afraid your DB is putting his addiction above all else. His situation is really sad but he needs to step up and sort out his problem. Also, his DD should just take the student loan and /or work. It will do her good and hopefully won't grow up as entitled as her DF. Stand your ground @Onionpeeler

Wow - your brother wants her to have almost £500 a month spending money with her accommodation costs paid. She can apply for a student loan which is on top of uni fees and that will amount to almost enough to live on. As I said earlier my kids all did a part time job to help fund themselves. It has taught them that if they want something they need to go out and work for it. Your nieces will also grow up feeling entitled because they have never had to work for something. Tell niece to log into student union website and see what bar jobs they have. Or there will be shops on site at uni which need staff. Or she looks on noticeboards when there and discover what jobs there are. Please do not participate in this. Put your £120 per month into a pension or a savings plan

Alcoholics (speaking as one in recovery) generally need to hit 'rock bottom' before they will admit that they are alcoholic and seek help.

Every time someone bails him out, they are preventing him from hitting that point and therefore extending the inevitable decline. Every bail out is actively stopping him getting help.

Perhaps DC being kicked out of school for non payment of fees would be the lightbulb moment to get him to make changes?!?

I'm pretty certain that attending AA as part of a deal just won't work. You need a desire to stop drinking. Not a desire to get family off your back / desire to pay DC bills so your money is saved for booze.

No I would not do it .Got to learn to stand on their own 2feet .Do they work in holidays and could get a part time job at university to pay for themselves