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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

how to stop my toddler swearing

155 replies

Chocice79 · 04/09/2020 01:58

my dd is 3 and in the past couple or wks she has sworn 3 times either saying fcking hell or tonight was fcking idiot it not said in anger more like to get a reaction so really worried when she goes back to nursery next wk she is going to do it there! how to u stop? everytime she has sworn she had a small punishment but she 3 and she all bout testing the boundaries.

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 09/01/2021 10:06

Zombie thread. The OP was rude and argumentative. The OP and her husband were the ones who didn't know how to communicate nicely , but it was their 3 year old who got punished. 😳🤔
Zombie thread.

squeezeapplesmakejuice · 09/01/2021 10:09

Just stop swearing in front of your toddler.

Lazypuppy · 09/01/2021 10:17

Have you explained to her it is an adult word and she isn't allowed to day it?

Punishment wouldn't work for my 3 year old, but an explanation she could understand would.

GoldenLabbie · 09/01/2021 10:17

I’m not judgemental, but people who swear in front of their young children set my hair on end. It’s just so trashy and revolting. People who can’t control their swearing and use F bombs every other word are generally a bit thick and lacking in impulse control in my experience anyway.

Yes OP I think your husband is trashy and revolting. He needs to learn to control his language otherwise your child will never realise it’s not acceptable.

Seasaltyhair · 09/01/2021 10:21

I swear and my kids don’t.

Honestly I’d ignore till she gets a bit older and if she is still saying explain that it’s not a nice word.

IfTheSockFits · 09/01/2021 10:38

This thread title should really be:

"How do I stop my husband swearing in front of our toddler?"

IEat · 09/01/2021 10:39

Tell the nursery so they won’t tell you dc told them all to fuck off . Ignore it when she does and swear quietly

AnnaMagnani · 09/01/2021 10:46

Don't swear in front of your toddler and then ignore it when they swear.

My parents managed (I don't know how!) not to swear around me but I managed to pick up some words elsewhere.

My DM has a v funny story of me trying them out as I clearly knew they were bad words and working myself up into a stew as she and my Dad just ignored me - imagine a toddler yelling 'Bugger Bugger Bugger' at the top of their voice.

They were struggling not to laugh but I gave up as it wasn't getting the desired response and no more swearing was done for a few more years.

Spanielmadness · 09/01/2021 10:49

@Nochangeplease I didn’t hear a swear word until I was in secondary school. My parents never swore, made sure friends never swore, we didn’t have the tv on other than for specific tv shows......... I think hearing a toddler swear is the saddest thing - they are complete innocents.

However, your opinions are shaped by your upbringing and circumstances, so everyone is different.

Malahaha · 09/01/2021 18:27

@DianaT1969

Zombie thread. The OP was rude and argumentative. The OP and her husband were the ones who didn't know how to communicate nicely , but it was their 3 year old who got punished. 😳🤔 Zombie thread.
@DianaT1969 It's not a zombie thread. Yes, the OP's "problem" was quickly resolved but as I said earlier: a) the thread is just a few months old and

b) it is a recurring topic which just about ALL parents of toddlers have to deal with at some point

c) I did a search on Mumsnet for "toddler swearing" and there were two full pages of threads with those words in the headline.
(Some of the threads were just one page long. I didn't want to start yet another short thread so I chose the most recent and maybe longest.)

d) on the first page already there's a long and helpful reply that sums up the answer perfectly.

Since there will be many MNs faced with this problem I decided it would help lots of us (who haven't read the other similar threads) to add to this one instead. That's what is done in other forums I belong to; in fact, I don't know why MN doesn't combine them all as the replies are all helpful and all a little different and it would save us having to read choose a thread or read several.

It's a very basic and recurring problem. It doesn't matter if OP was rude; she was swiftly corrected and the whole thread is helpful and useful.

To me a zombie thread is an ancient one with specific personal problem that nobody else had where someone replies to the first post which is 5 years old and the poster long gone.

Rainbowandscarlett · 09/01/2021 18:41

My daughter heard my brother say ‘fcking hll’ one day and repeated it
I taught her that knickerbocker glory was a MUCH worse word and acted shocked if she said that
Nobody batted an eyelid at a 3 year old saying that-I just ignored her saying the other words
She soon gave up repeating her uncle (and I did have words with him)

dramaticpenguin · 09/01/2021 20:54

I'm a childminder and one of my mindees has started wearing quite often, I've mentioned it to mum and we are mostly just ignoring our repeating the sentence without the seating, but sometimes it makes me laugh inwardly - one of the other little ones let go of the buggy on our walk the other day and i had to grab her out of the way of a car, and this little one said "scared bloody crap outta me!" which did seem appropriate!

itsgettingweird · 09/01/2021 21:30

Dramatic I would have wanted to laugh too.

I work in a special school and most of my pupils are non verbal or very pre verbal. One of my pupils was getting annoyed a toy wouldn't work and when I asked what was wrong threw it in the floor and said "fucks sake". Contextual language was an achievement. Grin

Hankunamatata · 09/01/2021 21:57

Old thread

Malahaha · 10/01/2021 08:30

@Hankunamatata

Old thread, recurring problem. That's the whole point. Who cares how old a thread is, if the problem is constant?

I don't get the people complaining. In the MN area I usually post in (FWR) we always dig up old threads to add to them if there there are new things to be said, or new people join who want to add their 2c. It's the unique and long resolved problems (my husband bit off my big toe!!! Should I leave him? YES!!!!!) that should not be dug up.

dinosforall · 10/01/2021 08:38

Ok so do it in FWR/other forums; the rest of MN has this convention.

Macncheeseballs · 10/01/2021 08:57

What's fwr

Malahaha · 10/01/2021 10:08

@dinosforall

Ok so do it in FWR/other forums; the rest of MN has this convention.
So, on this particular topic, you are happy with pages and pages of threads entitled "toddlers swearing", all with only one page of posts?

It's an ONGOING topic. One thread is enough. And anyway, it's happened. Calm down. I chose this one because of the one brilliant reply on page one. I shall repost it in a second, as it bears repeating.

@Macncheeseballs FWR = Feminism Women's Rights.

Malahaha · 10/01/2021 10:10

@OhTheTrees

I work in a nursery - any kid that hears bad language will repeat bad language. Maybe because they think it's a regular word, maybe because they realise it is an expression of anger, maybe just to try it out.... but generally, kids of nursery age don't get the concept of "words you aren't allowed to use". They're too young to understand why some words aren't for them.

And punishing them for repeating what they've heard is a little harsh - that's how kids learn to talk! They all repeat language!

The best success we've seen with kids who were using swear words in nursery, is when the parents just totally stopped using bad language around their kid. They soon forget words if they don't hear them regularly.

When a kid at nursery swears, I tend to start with a puzzled look and say "oh, I don't know that word, it doesn't make any sense to me, maybe you meant 'this funny toy isn't working'...? THAT makes sense to me - what a frustrating toy it is!" And give them an alternative word to use, pretending they must've mis-heard and mis-repeated. For kids that don't hear swearing often, this is usually the quickest approach to stopping it.

If it is persistently used bad language, we still wouldn't punish usually, as again it's not their fault they're exposed to it, and developmentally they do parrot new language to learn, but I would say "that's not a very good word choice. Sometimes adults use that word if they're cross, but I don't like to hear it, so maybe you could say 'xxxx' instead. (Eg 'stinky') How about we call that toy a stinky toy instead?"

I realise this is still not the desired end goal, as you don't really want kids shouting about stinky toys etc (!), but giving them an alternative word that they find funny/rude, but that is more harmless will help them forget the swear word. And giving them permission to use the new word makes it less appealing, so they tend to opt for using neither once the novelty of calling something "stinky" has worn off ;) so long as they stop hearing the swear word at home.

I've never yet had a kid turn round and say "nah, I'm not going to call it a stinky toy car, I'm gonna keep calling it a f**king toy car"...! They are fairly easy to suggest new and different language to, so choose the words you are happy with, and get them to repeat their sentence using your chosen replacement instead.

Teach her how to be frustrated in an appropriate way, rather than punish her for repeating bad language when she thinks that's how it's meant to be used.

Reposting this as it is so important. This is why I posted on this thread instead of starting yet another "toddler swearing" topic. I apologise to anyone annoyed that I've broken the rules.
Princessbanana · 10/01/2021 20:16

Classy...

VestaTilley · 10/01/2021 23:29

Stop all swearing in front of her. You or your DP must be doing this in front of her, or else she must be watching something really inappropriate for her age on TV/tablet (stop that if so).

Don’t punish her for using words you use yourself; she won’t understand what she’s done wrong. You need to stop swearing.

Linzi2377 · 10/01/2021 23:35

On the other hand I don’t swear and my child does! 2 weeks into starting p1 and he was calling everyone a “deck” and sticking up his fore finger..obviously knew what he meant..I just ignore it and tell him I have no idea what he means

ktp100 · 11/01/2021 00:09

Where the hell has a 3 year old got that from?!

Whoever is swearing around you child needs to stop!!

So wrong.

grassisjeweled · 11/01/2021 02:36

I need to start saying drat.

I said shit today in front of the kids and their little pals.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 11/01/2021 04:06

I swore around my children occasionally and so did dh at times ,it slips out sometimes.
Oldest ds never repeated any swear words youngest did a couple of times but we ignored it as got older just said adult word he couldn't say.
Sometimes As adults you don't always realise when you swear.
I remember ds2 when we were driving saying look at all these twatters in the rd , he had heard my friend swear in car a couple weeks before and obviously stored it for future us ( although not correctly)
My dad swore a lot around us as kids yet myself and brother never did and actually didn't swear in front of our parents until we were adults, dad always used to tell us we were clever and didn't need to swear like him.
But swearing is def more acceptable now so younger kids will likely hear it on tv in street , playground etc