how to stop my toddler swearing

[Chocice79]

my dd is 3 and in the past couple or wks she has sworn 3 times either saying fcking hell or tonight was fcking idiot it not said in anger more like to get a reaction so really worried when she goes back to nursery next wk she is going to do it there! how to u stop? everytime she has sworn she had a small punishment but she 3 and she all bout testing the boundaries.

Ignore ignore ignore

It's too young to really understand why those words are problematic and giving them attention by punishing will just give the words more power... If you see what I mean!

Why anyone would be swearing in front of a 3 year old in the first place baffles me.

Just ignore them, as others have said, the more attention they get through doing it, the more they will do it,

Hi op, just coming to say joining the club. To be honest my daughter is very verbal and says lots of lovely things too. It's not the end of the world. Some of these responses are a bit over the top.

Does your daughter get it from her lout of a father too?
It will be the end of the world when the OP's daughter's keyworkers flag her up as a safeguarding risk as using inappropriate language for age is a red flag.
There's a world of difference between a "oh fuck" said once because you dropped a sofa on your toe and what seems to be the continuous swearing the OP's child is exposed to.

@TheSeedsOfADream

Does your daughter get it from her lout of a father too? It will be the end of the world when the OP's daughter's keyworkers flag her up as a safeguarding risk as using inappropriate language for age is a red flag. There's a world of difference between a "oh fuck" said once because you dropped a sofa on your toe and what seems to be the continuous swearing the OP's child is exposed to.

Ridiculously over the top statement. Stop trying to rip mothers apart. A safeguarding risk for using bad language even though the childs mother is trying to take steps to stop it and looking for advice, is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. The social workers I work with wish that was what was considered a safeguarding risk compared to what crosses their desks every day.

I am safeguarding lead in my school and the OP's partner has form. Which I'm sure her nursery are already well aware of.

@TheSeedsOfADream so you are telling me you would flag a safeguarding risk because a 3 year swore 3 times over a number of weeks, whose mother wants to prevent this and has explained the father does swear but not regularly and has reduced his swearing after being asked. You make out DH has "form" as if he is a neglectful and abusive parent. I would be laughed out of the office if that's what I suggested in work.
No wonder some parents silently struggle with issues much larger than this if they are afraid of being reported as a safeguarding risk. That's exactly how actual safeguarding concerns grow and become worse.

Wow. So you’re punishing your child for copying what her father does?

Ignore, if you make a fuss about it you’ll be encouraging her to say it.

We sometimes get pigeons in our flat, last year my son heard me ranting on the phone and I happened to say that we had “a fucking pigeon” in the flat. Not longer after that he very proudly told his reception class that they aren’t called pigeons, they’re called fucking pigeons. If only he learned and started using other words so quickly like pardon instead of “WHAT”

If your DH won't stop swearing then your DD will continue to swear. You cannot punish her for this, she is only repeating what she hears which is how children learn language. She has no idea she is not meant to say these words. I would advise that when she say the words find an acceptable alternative and repeat it back to her so she says that instead.

Oh it is all a bit grim

The best success we've seen with kids who were using swear words in nursery, is when the parents just totally stopped using bad language around their kid. They soon forget words if they don't hear them regularly.

@OhTheTrees, brilliant answer. However:

My daughter never swears and neither (now) does my son-in-law. But his parents, and his sister, swear like sailors, being Irish. And we live in Ireland. So dgd, aged almost 3, has picked up the f word. We all ignore it; yesterday when she used it with me, I just said, I don't know that word.

DS has spoken to her sil to stop it but is reluctant to talk to her pil. I guess it's her husband's job.
It hasn't stopped. It's getting worse, if anything. Yesterday was the first time I've heard it.

This has been going on for weeks now and we've always ignored it.

We really need to speak to the other grandparents. A tricky matter.

Your husband needs to stop or you need to stop punishing your child. You get out what you put in.

Ignore it or say something you’d like her to say when cross immediately after in the tone she said fucking hell. So if she says fucking hell, announce sugar in same vein.

Zombie thread.

It's just a few months old: September 2020. And it has great advice on the first page. It's advice that will never grow old, so why not. A new thread would not have made a difference.

I regard a zombie thread as one that is at least a year old, and deals with a unique situation that has long past, and not worth digging up.

Stop swearing
Stop people around you swearing
And/or stop hanging out near people that swear!
Hardly rocket science!

My husband used to use the F word a LOT as do lots of his friends, so our daughter has heard it and, I believe, occasionally repeated it (not when I've been there) when he has used it accidentally. However he does know he shouldn't be using it and is shocked when it comes out of her mouth, and also reminds his friends not to swear when on speakerphone etc. I think it's understandable that your husband might forget sometimes jf it's just a habit that he is in but it really is possible for him to stop swearing around her. My husband can use "fudge" or whatever even when he has really hurt himself now!!

I agree if you draw attention to it she will do it more. And also it's totally unfair to punish as she doesn't abs probably can't understand why it's wrong - it's not the same as hitting or even being unkind to someone.

I remember when I was about 7 I "discovered" swearing and asked my mum if I was allowed to!! She said definitely not directed towards others eg "f off" but in some circumstances if I was hurt or whatever then it was more acceptable (if not in the classroom or something). I actually think that was good advice and I have pretty much stuck with it (!) but your child is way too young to understand that so I reckon focus on removing the words from her vocabulary - you need to calmly speak with your husband without arguing or being patronising. Good luck!

@TryingnottobeWaynettaSlob

Stop swearing Stop people around you swearing And/or stop hanging out near people that swear! Hardly rocket science!

That's extremely difficult when those people are her beloved grandparents in their sixties! Who have been swearing all their lives!

The (also beloved) aunt/sister-in-law has been told and hopefully keeps to it. We don't know what she says when she's alone with the child, though.

I come from a very sweary family. It was explained to me, long before I started school, that I should never say "fuck" etc outside our house, or in front of grandma or Auntie Eileen, as this was a grown-up word that some people thought was very rude and should never be said at all, and definitely never by children.

This worked. Before I started school (August birthday, so barely 5), it was explained that not only was "fuck" not allowed at school, but also bloody, bugger, sod and shit, and that I would be in trouble with the teacher if I said any of those.

I don't think I swore at school until I was in secondary, so this plainly worked. We teach children about different settings having different standards of behaviour from quite young.

Kids will hear swearing and they will copy swearing. Best for them learn when and where it's inappropriate imo.

@TheSeedsOfADream

Does your daughter get it from her lout of a father too? It will be the end of the world when the OP's daughter's keyworkers flag her up as a safeguarding risk as using inappropriate language for age is a red flag. There's a world of difference between a "oh fuck" said once because you dropped a sofa on your toe and what seems to be the continuous swearing the OP's child is exposed to.

Ffs, if a child or parent swearing is a safeguarding matter, half the population will need to retrain as SWs.

So who does your DH call a f*ing idiot? You or your 3 year old child?

@TryingnottobeWaynettaSlob

Stop swearing Stop people around you swearing And/or stop hanging out near people that swear! Hardly rocket science!

I don't know if perhaps people swear more in the south-east, but I think swearing has become a complete non-event.

I hear it in shops, in the street, on public transport, in cafes and pubs (when they were open - sigh), in the office (relatively professional environment, I don't work in a bookie's or anything).

And it transcends all social classes. I used to work for a company that had a marquis among the directors, and he was proper sweary, and a local viscount I had some dealings with included a "fuck" in at least every third sentence. Even the royal family swear, as anyone who could lipread could see when Anne fell off her horse at some event or other and Philip had some carriage-driving mishap.

I also wonder if there is the start of a bit of a backlash against swearing. I'm old, and can the remember the furore when Kenneth Tynan said "fuck" on live tv (there were questions in parliament and everything!), and I was already well into adulthood when the Sex Pistols swore on live tv at teatime.

So for my generation, swearing becoming less shocking was quite liberating. But I've noticed some younger people (20s) seem to find it less acceptable than we foul-mouthed oldies. Although a young colleague pisses herself when she hears me say "fuck" because, according to her, I sound posh and she thought posh people don't swear.

Don’t let her hear swearing. Now that she has heard it, ignore it and then give lots of praise for other words she says. She’ll soon forget it - though may come out with it randomly in a year! Hopefully not though!

Zombie thread!