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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how to stop my toddler swearing

155 replies

Chocice79 · 04/09/2020 01:58

my dd is 3 and in the past couple or wks she has sworn 3 times either saying fcking hell or tonight was fcking idiot it not said in anger more like to get a reaction so really worried when she goes back to nursery next wk she is going to do it there! how to u stop? everytime she has sworn she had a small punishment but she 3 and she all bout testing the boundaries.

OP posts:
JPduck · 04/09/2020 09:12

Until your child stops hearing it you will struggle to stop it. Learnt behaviour sadly. My husband is in the forces and when he comes back from being away his language can be tad more colourful. He learnt pretty quick to watch what he said. Now dd is 8 and wouldn't dream of using this language.
The sooner it's nipped in the bud the better.

Ickabog · 04/09/2020 09:13

I'm very surprised OP hasn't thanked or even acknowledged OhTheTrees for their informative and helpful post. It's one of the most useful posts i've seen on MN, so thank you for posting OhTheTrees

Mittens030869 · 04/09/2020 09:14

Well, if she's hearing it from your husband, she'll carry on doing it. He needs to stop.

Nanny0gg · 04/09/2020 09:14

@Chocice79

and each time she has said it or has not been in anger it's been walking off she like I could of pretended i didnt hear it but I didnt want her to think it fine to say.
So where has she heard it? And you can't punish a toddler for copying an adult
Nanny0gg · 04/09/2020 09:16

@Chocice79

she has picked it up from my husband who I have been telling since she could talk he need to stop swearing and he has a lot but yeah she still hear it
Well there's your answer then.

You're married to an idiot

LaMarschallin · 04/09/2020 09:17

everytime she has sworn she had a small punishment

Maybe your husband could have a small (or big, even) punishment when he swears instead?

user1493413286 · 04/09/2020 09:17

I would ignore it; my DD has said the odd thing and we decided to just ignore it and it’s not really happened since

Nochangeplease · 04/09/2020 09:20

I’m schooled by the pp that said her 7 year old has never heard a swear word in his life.
Ignore people talking as if you are a bad parent. They’re just words. Of course they’re not the best forms of expression for adults, and definitely not for children. But we’re all human, a lot of people swear occasionally and it doesn’t make you a bad person. As I said they are just words.
She’ll grow out of it, probably best to just ignore it. At 3 they do understand if you tell them they can’t say that, and you’ll find she probably won’t do it at nursery because of that understanding.
I have a 7 year old that hears me swear occasionally but knows he is not allowed.

Nochangeplease · 04/09/2020 09:21

Shocked not schooled

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/09/2020 09:22

Tell your husband to stop swearing, simple as that.

AnyFucker · 04/09/2020 09:28

Stop punishing your toddler because his father is a dick. Doing that makes you sound quite stupid.

You have a husband problem, not a child swearing problem

LittleMissRedHat · 04/09/2020 09:34

You can't punish your child (even mildly) for copying something their dad can't manage to stop doing. So basically it's down to your husband whether your toddler stops swearing or not...

Nanny0gg · 04/09/2020 09:38

@Nochangeplease

I’m schooled by the pp that said her 7 year old has never heard a swear word in his life. Ignore people talking as if you are a bad parent. They’re just words. Of course they’re not the best forms of expression for adults, and definitely not for children. But we’re all human, a lot of people swear occasionally and it doesn’t make you a bad person. As I said they are just words. She’ll grow out of it, probably best to just ignore it. At 3 they do understand if you tell them they can’t say that, and you’ll find she probably won’t do it at nursery because of that understanding. I have a 7 year old that hears me swear occasionally but knows he is not allowed.
To a lot of people they're not 'just words' and don't think that its appropriate for adults to use them around small children who are just developing language.

And a 3 year-old will absolutely repeat them

81Byerley · 04/09/2020 09:39

When I was child minding in the 1980s, fuck wasn't used so commonly as it is now. One of the Mums came in very upset because her 3 year old had overheard her husband saying it when he was working , and had started saying it. I told her to ignore it and if he didn't hear it he'd probably stop saying it. 3 months later he was still saying it whenever anything went wrong. I said to him "Edward, I don't like that word, I don't want you to say it any more" and he said "Oh, alright 81" and didn't say it any more. To a 3 year old, it's just another word. They don't understand about swearing. Billy Connolly said he told his kids he didn't want them swearing at all, but if he ever heard them saying "insertmadeupword " He would be REALLY angry. He said it worked, they started to use the innocent banned word instead!

nicebreeze · 04/09/2020 09:57

@Ickabog

I'm very surprised OP hasn't thanked or even acknowledged OhTheTrees for their informative and helpful post. It's one of the most useful posts i've seen on MN, so thank you for posting OhTheTrees
This!
WonderTweek · 04/09/2020 10:09

@OhTheTrees What an excellent post! Thanks for the advice. My 3yo doesn't swear but I'll certainly keep this in mind should he ever start swearing. That's such a good way to handle it. Smile

My little one has started saying "kill, kill" which he must have picked up from one of his mates in nursery, because we never use the word in front of him and he only watches stuff like Cbeebies at home. He gets a reaction out of us because we tell him not to say it (as in "that's not a very nice thing to say"), but I've noticed that if we ignore it he eventually gets bored and starts talking about something else. Hopefully it's on its way out because I really don't like it.

KarmaStar · 04/09/2020 10:17

It's not the poor child who should be chastised for swearing.

Original poster
Chocice79 · 04/09/2020 10:54

I cannot control what my husband says also to those saying their child would never hear swearing, really? so what if u took them to the park and the people near them swore to say you kid would never hear a swear word is impossible. lastly when I say small punishment I ment when she last said it we were on the way for her to have a bath which she loves to do so instead she had a shower instead nothing major!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/09/2020 10:59

A 3yo will not understand the concept of a shower instead of a bath as "punishment" Hmm

You have been told where the problem lies. If your husband continues to swear around (at ?) your child then you can expect more of the same

And you realise you will be known as one of "those" families at your childs nursery/school, don't you ?

Never mind though, as long as you prioritise your relationship with this dickhead, all will be well

OlympicProcrastinator · 04/09/2020 11:03

This site should be renamed ‘sanctimums’

Excited101 · 04/09/2020 11:04

The only way to stop her is to not swear around her, simple. And no- don’t punish her, it’s your husband’s fault she’s doing it!

Camomila · 04/09/2020 11:05

81Byerley DS1 (4.5) heard a youtuber say "I'm going to smack you in the face" (kids youtube! about a pie or a foam thing)
I made the mistake of telling him it was a rude thing to say and now he says it all the time to wind us up.

Luckily the few times daddy has said 'bugger' in the car, it's been quickly corrected to 'bother!"

MushyMushi · 04/09/2020 11:08

@Chocice79

I cannot control what my husband says also to those saying their child would never hear swearing, really? so what if u took them to the park and the people near them swore to say you kid would never hear a swear word is impossible. lastly when I say small punishment I ment when she last said it we were on the way for her to have a bath which she loves to do so instead she had a shower instead nothing major!
Just wow Confused

You seriously can’t have a conversation with your husband to tell him to stop swearing around/at a toddler?

I could very easily stop my husband from doing this but fortunately he isn’t a dick and wouldn’t do it in the first place.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2020 11:08

My daughter loves a shower.

You know what the problem is, tackle the source. Don’t waste time punishing a very young child for copying what she hears. That’s ridiculous, unproductive and nasty.

Bwlch · 04/09/2020 11:10

Wash your husband's mouth out with soap every time he swears.