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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how to stop my toddler swearing

155 replies

Chocice79 · 04/09/2020 01:58

my dd is 3 and in the past couple or wks she has sworn 3 times either saying fcking hell or tonight was fcking idiot it not said in anger more like to get a reaction so really worried when she goes back to nursery next wk she is going to do it there! how to u stop? everytime she has sworn she had a small punishment but she 3 and she all bout testing the boundaries.

OP posts:
Badbadbunny · 04/09/2020 11:10

@Chocice79

she has picked it up from my husband who I have been telling since she could talk he need to stop swearing and he has a lot but yeah she still hear it
So there's your answer. Tell your husband to stop swearing. If he doesn't, she won't stop either. It's not rocket science!
pinkyredrose · 04/09/2020 11:13

Why won't your husband stop swearing in front of her? Is he usually angry?

Badbadbunny · 04/09/2020 11:13

@Chocice79

I cannot control what my husband says also to those saying their child would never hear swearing, really? so what if u took them to the park and the people near them swore to say you kid would never hear a swear word is impossible. lastly when I say small punishment I ment when she last said it we were on the way for her to have a bath which she loves to do so instead she had a shower instead nothing major!
If you're not willing to challenge your husband about it, then you have to suck it up and accept the consequences of your child swearing in nursery/school etc which they won't tolerate.

You really can't send mixed signals that it's ok for a parent to swear but not the child at that age. "Punishing" her is completely wrong - you need to stop that right now.

daisypond · 04/09/2020 11:15

It’s not fair to punish your child at all. It’s cruel. It’s not their fault. It’s yours/your husband’s. Your child is copying your DH and he needs to stop. Why would people be constantly swearing in the park, enough for a child to pick up on it?

Alloftheboys · 04/09/2020 11:17

Mumsnet bingo!!!!!

OP posts question and has been given excellent advice.
OP doesn’t want the advice given so starts being rude to posters.

Tunnocks34 · 04/09/2020 11:17

Just ignore it.

I don’t get it when people say ‘how on earth has she heard that’ it’s obvious and to be honest, not that uncommon. Parents swear - and often we slip up and swear in front of your children. It’s not a crime, or something to be judgey over. I called someone a dickhead under my breath once when driving, which then turned out to be my sons new favourite work for the next 3 days. I just ignored him, and tried (and failed) not to swear in front of him again.

Yankathebear · 04/09/2020 11:20

Ignore it and save the ‘punishment’ for your husband who does know better.

DeeDeez · 04/09/2020 11:22

Has the OP actually admitted to swearing around her dc? I never swear around my ds yet he swears, a lot. Now before I’m judged, my ds goes to a specialist school as he has Sen. Children at his school swear and he has picked up the language from there. It’s no excuse, my ds is a teenager and never so much as uttered a single swear word in front of me. I’m sure she does when she’s out with friends, but swearing in general (when you’re of a certain age) I’m not dead set against, as long as it’s not said in anger, ie joking around with friends. The difference however, is knowing when and when it’s not appropriate to use that kind of language. So for example swearing in school or aggressively to your grandparents (just examples) is most definitely not ok. My ds still gets talked to about copying bad language at school, as he needs to understand that it is not appropriate to do. So don’t automatically assume it’s the parents fault.

Jen0112 · 04/09/2020 11:24

Not sure why this post has received such aggressive responses - swearing is hardly a sign of a degenerative character and there will be times when an adult lets a swear word slip in front of their child by accident.

daisypond · 04/09/2020 11:24

Has the OP actually admitted to swearing around her dc?
OP says it’s her OH who swears.

Tunnocks34 · 04/09/2020 11:24

What I do sometimes too, if I swear in front of them (which is rare btw but sometimes I do slip up) I will say ‘oh I shouldn’t have said that word, or really isn’t nice word, sorry for using that word in front of you’ so that they know immediately I’ve made an error.

I think the problem when little kids swear, and I’ll probably get jumped on, is because a lot of the time it’s so shocking to hear you laugh Out of shock, when you hear it, which obviously gives them a positive reaction. Even if you then say ‘no don’t say that word’ they will continue to do so because they got the laugh initially.

So again, just ignore it OP.

BluebellsGreenbells · 04/09/2020 11:26

Has the OP actually admitted to swearing around her dc?

She admitted this her husband.

A 3 year old is either with a parent or carer or nursery - OP knows where she’s got it form.

I agree with PP stop punishing your daughter for her fathers failings as a parents.

DeeDeez · 04/09/2020 11:28

Ah right sorry I must have missed that. My dh very occasionally swears yet it’s not bad words like the F or C word, and yet my ds doesn’t say the words my dh says, he comes out with really bad words that teachers at school have admitted kids in his class have said, and my ds has never repeated anything either. It just depends I suppose how regularly dc hear that kind of language, what context it is in and their level of understanding.

beautifulxdisasters · 04/09/2020 11:30

Why is your husband calling someone a "fucking idiot" in front of your toddler? It's not you he's calling it is it OP?

sapnupuas · 04/09/2020 11:32

You're punishing your toddler for copying your husband. Really?!

You both sound awful. Poor child.

TheSeedsOfADream · 04/09/2020 11:35

Point out to your oik of a husband that by passing on his foul language to his child, he is setting her up to be known as "one of those children".
It's not her fault who her family is.

PegasusReturns · 04/09/2020 11:51

I’d be surprised if most three year olds were exposed to the type of language you’ve described OP.

It’s not acceptable for your DH to behave as he is: either by swearing or refusing to stop

Original poster
Chocice79 · 04/09/2020 12:25

why can i stop my husband? cos he's a adult and I can only tell him so many times not to swear and he has improved mainly she would end up him saying it in the car

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 04/09/2020 12:40

If your husband is doing things around your child that are bad for her development then you should think about whether he’s a great person for your child to be around.

Temp123999 · 04/09/2020 12:54

@Chocice79
You still haven't acknowledged @OhTheTrees good advice

FelicityPike · 04/09/2020 12:57

@Chocice79

why can i stop my husband? cos he's a adult and I can only tell him so many times not to swear and he has improved mainly she would end up him saying it in the car
Well then you’ll be explaining that to her teacher in a wee while when she curses at school! Best of luck!
Zoflorabore · 04/09/2020 13:04

It’s ok op, you continue to make excuses as to how you can get your husband to stop swearing in front of his 3 year old child but make sure you send him to do the pick ups from nursery and school because they 100% will pull you up over it.

This happened when my dd was in private nursery, she’s now 9 so it was a long time ago but I remember it clearly as was horrified. Dd came home saying “my head is fucking chocker” which is a saying here in Liverpool amongst some people and I asked her where she had heard it and she told me it was a little girl at nursery. I explained it was naughty etc and no punishment.

The next day I went to see the manager when I dropped her off and I was the 5th or 6th parent to do the same. The little girl was “known” to be a swearer. At 3 years old.

She will be at school now and I hope she has stopped it because it’s awful and not the child’s fault.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 04/09/2020 13:07

You can't punish her for something that's acceptable at home. That's not fair. It's different when they're older and you can explain that some rules for adults and children are different but it's not an easy concept for a 3 year old to grasp.

Kittykat93 · 04/09/2020 13:09

I feel sorry for your child. Why are they being punished when all they are doing is copying their parents behaviour? I swear like a sailor usually but I have honestly never sworn infront of my two year old. It would make my toes curl if he was sweating at this age and you seriously need to have a word with your husband if you want this to stop. Unbelievable!

Kittykat93 · 04/09/2020 13:10

Swearing obviously not sweating.