If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

[MoggyMittens23]

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

Maybe your friend hosting the dinner party and having your kids has seen you post so created their own? Awks

@OverTheRainbow88 no, this thread is genuine. Why wouldn't it be? If you think I'm BU fair enough, but no need to think I am just bored.

If you're in the UK, then I believe dinner parties between more than 2 households are not allowed. Your kids would count as 1 household., your friends as another. So that's one reason not to do it.

If they're going to be drinking heavily, they will be useless if an emergency arises. That's reason two.

@OverTheRainbow88 wouldn't be for me! Friend, if you are reading, please just let me know if you don't want the kids! Oh and I'm not ungrateful, just think I had a different idea in my head to you! See, not awkward!

@lottiegarbanzo well that's it, I mean it sounds very stressful for my friend doesn't it? I wouldn't want to do both at once!

Don't take a risk with leaving your children with people you hardly know.

@OverTheRainbow88

LOL OP- any chance your kids are back to school today and you are bored?

Sorry, completely off topic, but I love your username! I have a moggie named Mittens! 😻 Hope you manage to get away with your hubby! And in the same situation I would also be slightly annoyed, but to be honest, go anyway! My kids are 7&9 and I think I’d go and they will love a whole night of TV and chill whilst at a sleepover and you guys will get some well deserved time together! 💕

Was that other thread posted this morning?

Jesus...There are some really immature and bitchy people on this thread, and I am guessing the one who started the reverse. Thanks to those who think I am BU but didn't have to be a twat about it.

I think it’s a bit strange that your friend had to arrange her dinner party on the same day that she’s babysitting your kids. Maybe she feels slightly anxious about having them and wants more adults around as back up or maybe she’s the type who when she does a good deed wants everyone to know about it.

thank you very much @EmmaMY

@MarthasGinYard not sure, I didn't get a good look at it before it was removed

sitters.com is your friend for nights out. Also check out childcare.com. Lots of fully qualified nanny's offer babysitting. Use one regularly enough and you can build a good relationship. But no. I haven't used one for overnights.

@Angelina82 someone upthread asked are they chilled but disorganised (sorry, thread is so fast moving) and that describes them to a tee. I would think they just forgot the were having them. But then so many people have said that she probably wants me to cancel!

@unchienandalusia thank you yes I think using one regularly would be a good idea

I think your friend is being really rude. She made a commitment to you, she shouldn’t be organising a dinner party for the same evening. I think your kids will be fine as they are not young, but your friends will definitely be distracted as getting ready and then hosting and I would be annoyed

I wouldn't be comfortable with this, unless I knew who the friends were. That might sound OTT, and I know it's because of the abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of 'friends' of my F, but it's how I feel. So that would be a no.

And actually, even if I did know and trust the friends, I would still cancel. Not because of child protection issues in that case, but because I would think my friend was being too polite to cancel herself. I can't imagine wanting to babysit a friend's kids when hosting a dinner party.

And if they are big drinkers, it's likely to be rowdy and no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that either. There's a big difference between a couple of glasses of wine with the meal and heavy drinking all through the evening.

So personally I would cancel and reschedule my night away for another weekend, if there's no one else who is able to babysit that night.

@Mittens030869 I am so sorry to hear that, and not OTT at all. one set of friends I have never met before, and of the other couple, I have met the husband briefly for five minutes. So they are strangers to my DC.

'Chilled but disorganised' was me. The next question is how much do you trust them to put your DCs' interests first, before those of their adult guests (and their own, as dinner party hosts and adults trying to enjoy a relaxed evening with friends)?

If they were they chilled and organised and you trusted them completely, it could work.

Chilled and disorganised could go either way; the disorganisation impacts them and their guests, or it impacts your DCs. Someone will be prioritised. The other people in the house will have to be chilled enough to accept that.

@MoggyMittens23

Jesus...There are some really immature and bitchy people on this thread, and I am guessing the one who started the reverse. Thanks to those who think I am BU but didn't have to be a twat about it.

Nasty post

@lottiegarbanzo ah, thank you! I think hosting the friends and having a good evening would definitley be top priority... that sounds bad doesn't it?!

@Port1aCastis I don't like it when people take the piss and be snidey, disagree with me but in an adult way.

@Port1aCastis is mine the only 'nasty' post you have seen on here or did you just want to single that one out?

The friend has changed her mind. She'd rather have a dinner party than cancel/rearrange the friends so she's trying to do both, but the kids will be an afterthought on the night.

If I were looking after a 6 and 8 yr old (or vice versa) then I would expect to give them my focus, make sure they had a nice time, maybe some treats games etc. As it stands it sounds more like you're leaving a dog with her - 'sure, no problem, Waffles can sit in the other room while I cook, clean, entertain, clean up etc'.

Bottom line - it doesn't sound like much fun for your kids (or your friends) so won't end up being much fun for you. Part of the babysitting favour is surely to ensure your and your husband have a great time, which by defacto means looking after your children not just them 'being there'.

So I agree with the pp who said that extroverted DCs (who are ok with late nights and lack of any bedtime routine) could have a blast. But shy, introverted, rule-bound DCs would really struggle.

Then there's the 'who are these guests' issue.