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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

365 replies

MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 07:53

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

OP posts:
MuddyMad · 03/09/2020 10:26

I think expecting the friend to focus on the kids all evening and not plonk them in front of the TV is a bit OTT.

If I was babysitting kids that age, I'd stick a film on for them and get on with whatever else I was doing in the house so long as they were comfortable, fed and watered. I'm not a kids club, I'm not going to sit up all night doing crafts and fun games. There's nothing wrong with OPs friend doing something else whilst kids of those ages are watching TV in the living room or whatever.

Piglet89 · 03/09/2020 10:26

She is very flaky, and has let me down a lot

OP I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I wouldn’t be happy about this either to be honest - mainly because what was arranged originally was one thing, she’s obviously messed up dates and now wants to turn it from a weekend babysitting into two things and split her attention accordingly.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/09/2020 10:27

@MuddyMad

I think expecting the friend to focus on the kids all evening and not plonk them in front of the TV is a bit OTT.

If I was babysitting kids that age, I'd stick a film on for them and get on with whatever else I was doing in the house so long as they were comfortable, fed and watered. I'm not a kids club, I'm not going to sit up all night doing crafts and fun games. There's nothing wrong with OPs friend doing something else whilst kids of those ages are watching TV in the living room or whatever.

Yep exactly
PuppyMonkey · 03/09/2020 10:28

I’ve got friends who would probably do this sort of thing and tbh I would be ok with them babysitting alongside dinner guests, as I know them and know that they would still be responsible and aware. It’s the fact you say this friend is flaky and has “let you down previously“ that makes me wonder what you mean and if she’s entirely trustworthy.

VettiyaIruken · 03/09/2020 10:29

I'd definitely be interpreting that as her trying to get you to cancel rather than her.

iMatter · 03/09/2020 10:29

Wouldn't bother me at all. My kids would have loved that. New people, lots going on.

corythatwas · 03/09/2020 10:31

Why do we assume that these people can't both cook their meal and engage with the children at the same time? Chat to them while they're doing it, rope them in to help, maybe engaging them as tasters. You'd still be getting your baby-sitting and the children might even enjoy it. Or then again, your children might prefer to bring a game and entertain themselves or watch a video.
I am slightly surprised by the idea that having a couple of 6-8yos in the house means you have to play with them all the time.

MuddyMad · 03/09/2020 10:32

It all boils down to trust. I have friends who I would trust wholeheartedly to be able to have a dinner party at the same time as babysitting my kids. I know them, I know they aren't going to get plastered and endanger my children's safety. They may just stick the TV on for them, but they won't be in harms way at all.

If OP doesn't trust her friend to do both at the same time then she needs to cancel. And I'd be revaluating any friendship where I genuinely thought my friend wouldn't take adequate care of my child when they were in their home whether or not they were also hosting some friends at the same time.

KarmaStar · 03/09/2020 10:32

Of your dc have a good relationship with your friend and would feel secure,safe,happy with her and want to go then trust your friend and go for it.
I'd be a bit hesitant though due to the fact she made arrangements for dinner without double checking the date she had offered to have your dc,does she really want them there?if you are certain she does then all well and good,go and enjoy yourselves.
Have a lovely anniversaryFlowers

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 10:32

@AryaStarkWolf would the covid/4 households thing bother you?

There are so many differing views on this thread! One post I'm ungrateful the next the friend is out of order! Just goes to show everyone does things their own way! V interesting read, thanks to everyone for their opinion.

@unchienandalusia do you mean from a proper company? I couldn't do that overnight I don't think. Is there a company you have used before or anything you could recommend? No harm in having a look. We probably should get a regular thing set up as I think we do need some time for ourselves.

OP posts:
serialreturner · 03/09/2020 10:32

Depends how much alcohol is likely to be on and whether they'd be capable of looking after the kids.

I have nothing against drinking btw.

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 10:33

@WaltzfortheMars i'm not a child, no. The night they were having them wasn't even our actual anniversary, just near it!

OP posts:
serialreturner · 03/09/2020 10:35

But also agree, a night in front of the telly in jammies with popcorn - I'm sure the kids will love it and I wouldn't be 100% focusing on the kids - maybe a story later on and a keep check on them now and again but not much more.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/09/2020 10:37

[quote MoggyMittens23]@AryaStarkWolf would the covid/4 households thing bother you?

There are so many differing views on this thread! One post I'm ungrateful the next the friend is out of order! Just goes to show everyone does things their own way! V interesting read, thanks to everyone for their opinion.

@unchienandalusia do you mean from a proper company? I couldn't do that overnight I don't think. Is there a company you have used before or anything you could recommend? No harm in having a look. We probably should get a regular thing set up as I think we do need some time for ourselves.[/quote]
Nah it wouldn't really.

off topic have you seen the other thread about this? Someone trolling I think

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 10:37

I HAVE NO ISSUE WITH THEM WATCHING TV!!! They watch tv a fair amount at home! I just don't want them left in the living room in front of it from 4/5pm (while they are prepping food and getting the house looking good) until bed time on their own. That's all.

OP posts:
Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 10:38

@AryaStarkWolf ooh no I haven't!

OP posts:
Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 10:39

CanI just say, I have nothing to do with the other thread!

@StormzyInaDCup mumsnet will be able to confirm that if you dont believe me.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 03/09/2020 10:39

They watch tv a fair amount at home! I just don't want them left in the living room in front of it from 4/5pm (while they are prepping food and getting the house looking good) until bed time on their own.

Do you know this would happen? If so, it's about your friend, not about the dinner party.

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 10:39

@StormzyInaDCup seriously OP what?

OP posts:
StormzyInaDCup · 03/09/2020 10:40

Oh really @MoggyMittens23. That's even stranger that someone would post a thread like that.. It makes it look like it's you! Sorry.

aLilNonnyMouse · 03/09/2020 10:41

If he children are teenagers I really wouldn't worry about it. My mother had me a lot younger than most of her friends, so when she would host dinner parties I'd be looking after the kids in the next room. I loved it, the kids loved it, and the parents had a fun night off. I ended up being the main babysitter for most of those families too.

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 10:41

Nope! Very bizarre!

MNHQ please confirm it wasn't!

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 03/09/2020 10:42

LOL OP- any chance your kids are back to school today and you are bored?

lottiegarbanzo · 03/09/2020 10:42

I remember discussing with the PILs, the epitome of trusted and frequent 'babysitters in their own home', whether they could have our DC overnight at around 6yo and host two people to dinner on the same evening.

We agreed no, just because, while they were willing and able, the timings would have clashed. DC bedtime and 'drinks and nibbles, relaxed conversation, then last bits of prep' would have been all at the same time and are just not compatible.

Involving DCs in cooking and prep, or sticking them in front of a film are all fine. But how and when do they go to bed? Maybe other people's 8 and 6yos just trot off and put themselves to bed. Mine do not and would not.