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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think mn should be for mums and not dads.

882 replies

2hot2cook · 06/10/2007 12:39

id like to think that when i come on here for a quick chat im talking to other women. ive noticed some men on here and thats actually putting me off. some of the topics we talk about are very intimate. i cant understand why men would want to come on this website, maybe the name should be changed to parentnet. aibu.

OP posts:
prettybird · 06/10/2007 14:50

My dh has also used the site on the past. He has even told me that he can tell that some of the posters that claim to be women are in fact men by the style of thier writing (but he won't tell me who they are ). He is a hands on dad who is interested in the parenting issues that are discussed on this site. I think it is great that em are sufficiently interested to post on a site like this.

It's an anonymous web-site - no-one is making you post personal things, and as others have said, even if it were supposedly only women on the site: how would you know?

Personally I am glad to get a male persepctive on occasions - and my dh has seen in far more intimate and private occasions than anything I have ever written aobut here.

StormieOMartian · 06/10/2007 14:50

Is your name Laura Doyle?

lilibet · 06/10/2007 14:50

I work with a woman whose husband had never bathed their children, because she wouldn't let him because 'he would make a mess of it'

Well of course he would!!!! He's never bloody done it. I'd make a mess the first time I tried to sew a skirt, but it's something that he should have had equal input on and not been excluded from.

so, she could never go out at night, and as someone else said, woe betide if she was ill

Is this you 2hot?

MrsSeanSlater · 06/10/2007 14:50

I agree with lulumama.
"i think all this "new man" thing is wrong. if my dh ever starts using moisturiser i'll divorce him!

Men are not all the same. If a man wants to moisturise, great, if he doesn't, great too.

If he wants to chat all day to other parents on internet forums that's fine with me.

You sound like you have a very old-fashioned relationship with your DH. Mine wouldn't dream of moisturising but he does looks after the DSs on his own one day a week and can do everything I can do for them.

vacua · 06/10/2007 14:51

some men LIKE that

Habbibu · 06/10/2007 14:52

Oh, vacua, now you're just adding fuel to the fire (under 2hot's disused cauldron)

MrsSeanSlater · 06/10/2007 14:53

My last post was directed at 2hot2cook btw.

MrsSeanSlater · 06/10/2007 14:55

"i think men should do masculine things, not chat on websites predominantly designed for women?"

So what's the definition of masculine things? going out hunting for food before dragging the missus to the cave by her hair?

prettybird · 06/10/2007 14:55

I adn't seen the msot recent posts - too busy reading the thread!

My dh is good at cooking, does the majoirty of the cleaning around the house, all the hoovering, at the moment the majoirty of the irining, mows the lawn (while I do the gardeingin). He deos the majoirty of the child care too - he is more of a SAHD (also a student and setting up his onw business) while I earn the salary (he did get a great package form his last job which allowed us to pay of the mortgage near enough and have savings to set up the business).

He also uses moisturiser - with my enouragement. In fact every Christmans and birthday he gats some Clinique from me.

He is havily involved with both the school and the "out-of-school" club.

He is snesitive to my emotions - and probably better at talking abut them than me.

Praise be to new men!

Original poster
2hot2cook · 06/10/2007 14:57

lulumama; yes dh would cope if i was sick. but he would be glad when id made a full recovery!
he's not happy with all the "baby stuff" has always left that to me. do everything on my own.

OP posts:
vacua · 06/10/2007 14:57

perhaps it is masculine to have a stealthy wank while reading about female urinary incontinence and vaginal discharge and parent and toddler parking disputes, who decides these things?

daisyandbabybootoo · 06/10/2007 14:58

My DH is great at changing nappies...he just pretends he isn't so I get all narked and end up doing it for him.

I've actually got two lots of friends who are a WOHM and SAHD combo and it works very well for those individual families. Both of the dads had to work very hard at being trusted and accepted at parent/toddler groups because of attitudes like yours 2hot.....which is sad really. Men at parent groups and on discussion forums have just as much to contibute as women.

Lulumama · 06/10/2007 15:00

fair enough

but what works for you does not work for everyone else

for many of us, parenting is not solely the domain of the mother

just because it suits you,don;t be surprised that the majority don;t agree on something like this

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 06/10/2007 15:01

OMG this has to be a troll now.
Although I have seen 2hot has posted on other threads
DP has said to tell you, he will be perfectly happy changing the forthcoming baby's nappies, epsecially if I am busy putting up a shelf or changing a tyre

bobsmum · 06/10/2007 15:01

Ww always get trolls on a Saturday - not sure why really.

But just in case you're not a troll...

My dh posts on here too - he's bobsdad (we're not great at original names) and tends to get lured into posting in religious debates, techy stuff and cars, but has also been known to spout about green issues - it was his idea for us to use washable nappies for example.

He's loving the mooncup thread atm too - he was collapsing with laughter last night

He's a parent to our 2 children so he can post on a parenting website. So ner.

raspberryberet · 06/10/2007 15:02

This site isn't designed primarily for women though. It's designed for PARENTS. And oddly enough, they come in two genders.

Men can do that job too, you know - doesn't make them any less masculine because they change nappies or talk about the best way to treat chicken pox.

You seem to have made the mistake of thinking that MN is only for the kind of vacuous chat that certain parenting sites do so well. It's not. It's an intelligent site for discussion and for information on parenting - not mothering, parenting.

The more I think about this, the more I think you'd be far happier over at Babyworld.

MrsSeanSlater · 06/10/2007 15:02

He's not happy with all that baby stuff? Is he not aware that they're his babies too? There's no reason on earth why he shouldn't do half the baby care. He's missing out.

MrsSeanSlater · 06/10/2007 15:03

I don't think she's a troll, it's just that her and her DH are stuck in the middle of the last century.

StrawberryMartini · 06/10/2007 15:04

Or babycentre... there's a men's board over there but they don't dare post on any of the other boards so you should be fairly safe.

zippitippitoes · 06/10/2007 15:04

men definitely do like chatting and gossipping and they do it on the internet...I have spent half the morning chatting to men..

BecauseImWereWolfit · 06/10/2007 15:05

"he's not happy with all the "baby stuff" has always left that to me. do everything on my own."

Hmm. Just a touch of the martyr here, I think. Why on earth would you encourage this?

Your views, beliefs and attitudes are ridiculous in this day and age.

I really can't believe that you're serious!

LazyLinePUMPKINJane · 06/10/2007 15:06

I think that if you want to be sure that you are talking to women, then you should find something like a Yahoo group for mothers.

MN is for parents. You don't have a say in the gender. I'd rather not talk to idiots, but you can't have everything, evidently.

mellowma · 06/10/2007 15:06

Message withdrawn

LyraSilvertongue · 06/10/2007 15:06

Perhaps the name Mumsnet is a little misleading...

lucyellensmum · 06/10/2007 15:15

yep - sorry to say, YABU - i actually wish there were more men on here. Perhaps we should encourage a name change to parentsnet! (oops you already said that )

I enjoy male company (often more than female) and have no problem discussing intimate issues with a few of my close male friends, as i would female friends. So i cannot understand why you have a problem with men on a parenting forum which is as anonymous as you want it to be.

TBH my other half would rather stick a fork in his eye that sit here chatting with other parents but thats just him. He doesnt have a problem talking about "womens" things with my friends though. Big fat girl that he is!!