To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

[Merriden]

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

@honeygirlz

He was on my Spotify/Netflix/Prime accounts so will change those passwords now.

I read somewhere that as well changing Netflix password you need to ensure his devices are removed from your account (as he could remain logged in on them on existing password). Can anyone confirm?

This is correct. There's an option to click "sign out of all devices" so do that first, OP.

Even though I know he’s useless (just writing down some of what he has done is eye-opening for me) and I am much better off on my own, I do feel a bit sad realising how badly I let myself get treated.

We all go through that OP! The inevitable post mortem of the whole relationship after it ends is a normal and very healthy phase. It means your boundaries have snapped back into place. There are thousands of us who’ve been there and are horrified at what we put up with in hindsight. I did it for 26 years in all and struggle to understand how i allowed it to happen. What matters is you’ve recognised it now before you wasted your whole life. It’s not a failure, it’s another experience to learn from!

Well done OP for being strong and protecting yourself and your children. Enjoy your evening and the rest of your life! 🥳🥂

Good luck OP.

You are amazing OP. An absolute hero. Honestly it’s so refreshing to hear someone so focussed. It’s obvious you’ve seen this coming for a while with your update.

Don’t forget after the anger it’ll be the sobbing and making you feel bad, threats of suicide maybe. Stay strong. It’s all an act. He’s going to massively regret all of this and what he’s losing

best of luck to you OP, i think you're awesome, no wonder you got promoted at work.

i am convinced you will go from strength to strength without that man child dragging you down. it really doesn't sound like he's ever grown up. good riddance to him!

He missed the birth of your son as well?! Unbelievable!
Bet that chinese tasted amazing!

Hang on to his abusive emails. You may be able to use them to avoid mediation.

Oooh I hope dessert was delicious, well done for taking action and getting rid of this abusive cock-lodger!

Hi, OP.
You seem to have it all in order - well done for all you have achieved in such a short time!

I just wanted to add that you are NOT required to attend mediation prior to family court where there is abuse in the relationship. You can tick a box on your C100 form for the Child Arrangements Order.

I would recommend that you connect with a local DA charity, not only for personal support as you work through the separation and family Court, but also to demonstrate to the family court that you are the victim of an abuser. They will also help you to think through the terms of a CAO, such as all contact being in writing and handovers happening in such a way that you don't have to meet.

Yeaaaa!!

I dont even know you but I'm so so proud of you op! Your strength is amazing. Wish you all the luck in the world

@Merriden You won’t have to attend Mediation as he was emotionally abusive

Also OP, if he does email or text, do not enter into a discussion with him about why the relationship is over or what he's done etc, grey rock the fuck out of him in all communication. Don't feed the Narc.

When I needed to document emails in regard to my divorce I used a system called, i think, "read verify" , it's a paid for service , £40 a year ish , and it timestamps etc emails and is "court approved". Can also track if emails you have sent have been forwarded.

Thus was 5 years ago so tech may gave moved on since.

I never needed to actually use the emails and so I don't know if they were "court approved", might be worth a look?

Wow you’re doing so well.

You don't need him for anything

Good for you OP! This is so satisfying to read - you definitely know your worth and have your head screwed on right! So happy for you

Well done OP.

Don't forget to keep that email! I suspect he has no idea you really mean it this time so at some point he's going to start love bombing you, before he goes back to threatening and abusing you. But you seem to have everything very clearly mapped out in your head! Good work.

You are awesome ❤️

If he quits his job he won't be entitled to any benefits. What an idiot 🤣

Op I’m so proud of you! You seem like a really lovely person x

Try not to engage with him in the coming weeks /months, it won't be productive or worth the stress. He may use access to your child as a way to get to you.
New life starts now.... Well done you.

He's a total narcissist. Lot's of youtube videos about narcissistic behaviour. He's ticking every box. Sorry you were coerced into this relationship. I bet he love bombed you in the beginning. Now you see him with the mask off. I hope you find the strength to leave. Wishing you all the best.

A few people have mentioned love bombing so I looked it up and this is exactly what happened at the start of our relationship which also started quite quickly after my divorce. That in itself is probably a lesson...

The kids and I have had a lovely relaxed morning again and that is keeping me going, especially after DD1 has said how she feels happier that DP had left.

I do feel really drained by it all to be honest so it’ll be another takeaway for us tonight. Indian this time. 🤣

The council tax bill has been reduced and I have made a universal credit application just incase I would be entitled to anything.

I’ve packed up most of his stuff and am about to drive it over to DB. DP has his own car and I’ve just checked that I have both sets of my car keys and will remove him from my insurance later.

I keep thinking of things I need to do and the list seems endless!

So glad you have such strong children, too. Take care

Well done OP, stay strong. Your life will be infinitely better from this point on. Enjoy the peace, tranquility and lack of drama now. 💐