To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

[Merriden]

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

If he wants access then he can arrange the mediation and pay for it. Unless you do think there is a possibility that he would take and not return DS. If that's the case I would just just fork out for the mediation to get the contact formalised. If he takes him now, you'll be hard pushed for police to get involved assuming he is on birth certificate.

You're doing fab OP. I'm very impressed

Thank you *@Merriden. You are very kind to have shared that and I'd just like to say I think you are awesome. You are handling yourself brilliantly and if you find yourself wondering just remember how lovely this morning was. Good luck! Not that you'll need it with this idiot gone.

And it is not another failed relationship. It is a successful lesson learned and taught to your children.

Bin him he sounds awful

It's ok for people shouting kick him out. You need to think about the best way forward. If you are the sole owner of the property only YOU have the right to remain in the property unless your partner obtains an order from the Court that he has a right of occupation, known as an Occupation Order. However, it is important to understand that your partner may be able to claim a ‘beneficial interest’ in the property. A ‘beneficial interest’ may give a cohabiting partner who doesn’t own the property the right to:

Live in the property
A share of the income if the property is rented out
A share of the profit of the sale if the property is sold

Whether he is the type of person to pursue the above I don't know (but given his unreasonable behaviour to date....he might be). You would be best to speak to a lawyer before you do anything.

OP you sound so together, its admirable. Its never easy going through a break up, less so when you're dealing with an abuser.

Just a point about the mediation you mentioned, I'm fairly sure that mediation isn't recommended when there's abuse in the home. A friend of mine went through a similar break up and Women's Aid helped her through the court process from start to finish.

@Allgirlmum Read the thread.

@44PumpLane

BillMasen

FWIW I think he deserves some notice. A woman in his position would be told her DP was unfair to throw here out with no notice

I can 100% with all honestly say that if a woman came on here stating they have been abusing their partner, making the minimum financial contribution whilst making no efforts to parent their child or pull their weight with the upkeep of their home then I would tell her she deserves to be chucked out on her arse.

If this mystical woman stated that during periods when she stonewall her partner she disappears, cutting off all communication and staying out overnight, I'd tell her she deserved everything she was about to get and she needs to sort herself out.

OP, you owe him nothing. Continue with your plan.

Damn right!

Further I would warn him if he engages in any further threatening or abusive behaviour that you will contact the police and report his behaviour.

You don't need to warn him that you might be recording him either.

If he wants to try and suggest he has an interest in the property let him.I would just concentrate on you and your lovely child.

Xx

I’ve also blocked my ex from both my phone and DD1’s phone so all communication has to come through email and I have written proof of what he says

Very good move.

BTW - I'm pretty sure you CAN record someone without their knowledge, but you can't legally play the recording to a 3rd party or in a law court. For that, the individual needs to be forewarned that a recording is being made.

Just having those recordings could be a useful lever, though I can appreciate that you mightn't want his voice anywhere,

@Merriden if you wanted further justification that you have done the right thing... I’ve only just clicked onto your post and voted YANBU... it’s 100% and 1150 votes that agree with me.

I don’t think I’ve seen that much on MN before...

Good riddance. He sounds like a complete loser/waster. I’d much rather be alone!

OP, you are magnificent. Well done!!

FWIW I think he deserves some notice. A woman in his position would be told her DP was unfair to throw her out with no notice

They really really wouldn't....

I very much doubt if the shoe was on the other foot, wankbadger would be giving her the same courtesy

for you op

Check you are claiming any benefits you are entitled to as a single parent OP.

if you try and make sure all your communication is via text and email that would be best. Theres no way he would get full residency. Youre a stable parent with good childcare, your own home and a job. You also have his siblings. No court would split siblings up if they didnt absolutely have to. You just have to obviously offer reasonable access, which could be every other weekend and an evening in the week - thats standard.
Youre doing the right thing. Stay strong x

looks like youre already doing all this. Respect :)

I've just read the thread. Well done. I know you may start feeling like you've done the wrong thing as time goes on but post here and you'll stay strong.

Enjoy tonight with your children, it's the first night of your life together xx

I wish the very best of luck and happiness to you and your family.
You deserve it 😊

OP,
You sound amazing and your partner sounds totally vile.

As he barely contributes anything to childcare or finances it will be easy not to miss him.

As he doesn’t actually want to care for, or pay for, his child I really doubt he would go to court for custody. At best he will be a McDonalds dad.

Enjoy your calm home and your freedom.

@BillMasen

I’m not saying you’re wrong for splitting. Not one bit.

Just that his position is the one that’s always highlighted to women on here as risky (move in to someone else’s house, not on the deeds) and they’re always advised never to do it unless they secure some rights.

The fact he can be thrown out with no notice is testament to that risk

FWIW I think he deserves some notice. A woman in his position would be told her DP was unfair to throw here out with no notice

That would be fair in a normal, mature, respectful relationship that naturally came to an end but this creature is a vile abusive a’hole who has treated OP with nothing but hostility and contempt in her OWN home! That he has stayed for so long is a testament to how kind & caring OP is. No doubt OP has given him more chances than he deserves to be a civil and decent human being but he has no intention. In this case he does NOT deserve the kindness of giving notice.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

BTW - I'm pretty sure you CAN record someone without their knowledge, but you can't legally play the recording to a 3rd party or in a law court. For that, the individual needs to be forewarned that a recording is being made.

The above isn't correct. I'm I blocked in a lot of where the police / security services record people and then prosecute them without forewarning them.....

This is an American issue, no fruit from the poisoned tree it doesn't exist in our courts

Sorry if it's been mentioned @Merriden but turn off phone tracker on both your daughters and your phone just incase he tries to follow either of you. Good luck you've totally got this.

Wow @Merriden

I really admire your clear thinking and speed of action. 👏🏻 👏🏻 in getting rid of this emotionally abusive, jealous deadweight. It's great your brother has agreed to store his stuff for him to collect from there.

Do ask your lawyer whether there's any possibility whether your Ex can claim any legal, financial interest in your property. He sounds the type to go after that - especially with the minuscule amount he was contributing financially each month.

Don't forget to change the passwords on your internet hub so he can't access it remotely, together with any TV packages (Sky, Netflix etc). Will you be forwarding his post to his brother/elsewhere?

Ensure that the lock to your back door is also changed.

Does he have a key to your car? If so immobilise your car/put a Krooklock on until you can get the lock changed/reprogrammed.

Is he likely to kick up a fuss at your door? Perhaps consider something like a Ring doorbell if you don't already have CCTV so you can monitor people coming to your door. Especially if he might cause a fracas or damage to your property.

Ensure your windows/window locks are secure.

Tell your children never to open the door until they've put the chain on in case he tries to force his way in.

Put in a CMS claim ASAP. You might not get anything but in your shoes I'd make an official claim.

I hope you manage to get him as far out if your life as is possible. 🌹

Sorry forgot: update your Will if he's mentioned there and change the recipient's name on any Death in Service or similar benefits you have at work.

Take his name off as next of kin or emergency contact for yourself. 🌹