To End Relationship Because Partner Blocks Me?

[Merriden]

I’ll give as much information as I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.

I have 3 DC. 2 with ExH and one with current DP.

Relationship with DP is only ok as long as things are going his way.

If I ever disagree with him, he either:

a) Completely and utterly ignores me. By this I mean sit in the same room as me and ignores me.

b) If he isn’t home and we disagree (or as soon as he goes out) he blocks on his phone so I can’t communicate with him. Once this was problematic when our DS was hospitalised and I couldn’t get hold of him at all.

This blocking can and will go on for days at a time until I inevitably relent because the atmosphere at home gets vile.

Today, he is at work and has blocked all forms of communication because yet again I disagreed with him this morning over something to do with arrangements for DS’s childcare whilst I work. (DP is very vocal about where DS should be but rarely, if ever steps in to parent his own child)

AIBU to end this relationship as frankly seeing as we are both adults and his toddler strops make for a horrible atmosphere at home and I’m completely done with it. Plus I have DDS and I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable behaviour in relationships. ( Or for DS but he’s quite a bit younger to be honest.)

Omg op well done!

You do not need to be in the same room for mediation with an abuser. The first session Is generally just you with the mediator and you tell them at that point that you don’t want to be in the same room during any session.

I think you were absolutely right not to give him some huge explanation and reasons. "I'm not happy, I'm done, goodbye" is all that needs to be said to an abusive partner.

If he was NOT abusive I can see perhaps giving more of an explanation when ending a relationship. But an abusive person will only use anything you say as a weapon. I'd rather give them NO reasons, then the ONLY thing they can 'weaponize' is that you didn't 'explain yourself'. Which you don't have to do anyway.

You deserve so much better than this waste of space OP.

Don’t take head of any of his threats, he may actually step up to the plate and be a better father, no court will give him sole custody, from a loving mother who only puts her child’s interests first.

Just think of all the positives and the role model you are showing your children that by choosing not be to influenced or affected by negative relationships and behaviours, the impact on that alone will be immeasurable.

@BillMasen he does no childcare and only contributes £140 to household. He's brought nothing to the table and deserves no notice.

Enjoy your meal with the kids tonight, perhaps watch a tv show you know he hates once the kids are in bed too!

There are probably going to be ups and downs...

But life is going to be so much more peaceful!

@BillMasen - you need to explain why this man deserves fair notice, given his abusive behaviour towards the OP. He is NOT the victim in this.

Gosh OP, I'd throw him a farewell party this evening. Get your friends round, put up a banner saying Bon Voyage with his bags packed. Don't let the door hit him on the way out. Crack open the champagne. You're free.

I've RTFT and frankly @Merriden I think you are awesome!

Well done and congratulations on getting your life back from Superprick. He's an appalling excuse for an adult male!

Yayy for you OP !!

So glad to hear that you paused, weighed up your relationship, came to the conclusion he was a bloody waste of good oxygen, and threw his arse out the door ! (I'd have paid good money to see his face when he read your 'goodbye' email )

You and your DC should kick back and enjoy all things forbidden by dickface .

I'd be really surprised if he went to a solicitor to fight for access etc, cos he's already said he'll chuck his job rather than pay you any maintenance. So all you need to do is put a claim in for child maintenance first, he'll chuck his job, then he's got no money for a descent solicitor

Enjoy a fabulous day off and weekend with your DC, you deserve it !

@BillMasen I think you need to allow for a little bit of Darwinism here... if you're stupid enough to be a cocklodger who tries his luck at emotionally controlling the one that owns the house and pays for everything, you'd better be damn good at it. I think this man is a cautionary tale.

I'd change the locks and block him. It's clear it's the only language he understands.

Aah Merriden congratulations on offloading that useless baggage. Hope you are enjoying your delicious takeaway 💐

Why should you fear having an opinion ? He’s childish at best and controlling at worst. A bully basically . And what example would you be giving your children if you put up with this crap ?

It’s been quite the day and your messages and advice have really helped so thank you.

The little one is in bed and the big two are pottering about upstairs. We’ve had such lovely relaxed evening with our chinese and now I’m going to watch reality TV without complaints!

I probably sound really, really harsh saying this but ex-DP was never in my will, or my death-in-service nominee as my mum worked really hard to be able to buy the home she left to me and I was adamant that it wouldn’t be left to DP only for him to cut my DDs out if he inherited it from me.

He’s also not my next of kin anywhere important after he missed our son’s birth because he blocked me. (DS was born early and quickly but even so...)

He was on my Spotify/Netflix/Prime accounts so will change those passwords now. I will also change my email and icloud password just in case he tries anything sinister.

I’ve got a call with a solicitor tomorrow afternoon so will ask about the house then too.

I spoke to the nursery to fill them in, and they said they’d let me know if ex-dp turns up. DSIL will be also now be picking up DS from nursery earlier in the day (or coming with me as her DS also goes) just in case ex tries to ‘run’ into me there and accost me and I will collect DS from her and DB.

Ex-DP has emailed today, only to send abuse. Not asked about DS 🤷🏽‍♀️

Plan to get onto CMS too and start the ball rolling. He will possibly quit his job but more fool him. I can’t concern myself with that anymore or worry about him quitting his job and having no money to live. He wasn’t bothered about me having to miss days off work when he disappeared.

Even though I know he’s useless (just writing down some of what he has done is eye-opening for me) and I am much better off on my own, I do feel a bit sad realising how badly I let myself get treated.

I think I might need help rebuilding my self-esteem. But tonight I’m ordering in dessert!

You just got rid of a cock lodger.
He was nasty to you, and thought you were stupid enough to reward him for bad behaviour.

He was on my Spotify/Netflix/Prime accounts so will change those passwords now.

I read somewhere that as well changing Netflix password you need to ensure his devices are removed from your account (as he could remain logged in on them on existing password). Can anyone confirm?

"after he missed our son’s birth because he blocked me. (DS was born early and quickly but even so...)"

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!

Ok.. he was a cunt before, but fuck me honey... that.. that..

i have no fucking words.

You deserve a big hug and a bottle of champagne OP, you've made the best possible decision for yourself and your kids.

Well done!

You, OP, are absolutely bloody marvellous!

As to your ex-partner - words fail me. I'm so glad you're shot of the dead weight he was.

my first ever wine dessert and flowers OP

Well done for being so strong .

@Merriden I have read a lot of mn threads about slack,disinterested dads
Your ex he is a black belt in being fuckwit

Going forward, I wish you and your children well

My god his behaviour has been text book abuse, and yes i was a 'crazy ex' too last year, after i walked away, its bloody hilarious!

I absolutely recommend reading Lundy Bancrofts 'Why does he do that?' its mind boggling how many times you'll identify with / have witnessed exactly what he says, plus boy, does it strengthen your resolve through any wobbles!

I felt shame at sticking around for as long as i did, putting up with it.. if he'd hit me i would have got rid a lot sooner for sure, but its the drip drip effect, at what point do you say 'enough'? Sometimes its survival instinct to remain quiet and not rock the boat, we've all done it, but you got there in the end, thats what counts.. now begins the rest of your life without him dragging you down... how exciting!