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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be considerably pissed off that somebody has just phoned me at midnight to ask for a telephone number..

156 replies

Carbonarawprawns · 02/09/2020 00:21

Extended family member who isn't very tech savvy has just phoned me after midnight to ask me to send her - her mobile number - because she 'needs' it.

"Hiya sorry to call you so late I know you're sleeping but I really need my mobile number, can you text it to me by the morning"

I just hung up.

I already sent it to her last week at her request now she's lost it again and thinks midnight is an appropriate time to fuck about and ring my phone for trivial things such as this.

I co-sleep with my youngest (1 year) and for that reason have all notifications on silent except for calls because you know, emergencies.

I'm now awake and pissed off.

If you were me would you address this firmly tomorrow or just let it go? She has form for CFery..

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 02/09/2020 10:02

I suffer really severely with insomnia and I’d be livid if someone did this to me. In fact my DH and I had one of our biggest rows ever when a relative of his texted him first thing on a Saturday morning and woke me up when I was finally off work and having a fairly good sleep for the first time in what felt like an eternity. It’s just so disrespectful and rude. Back in the day (yes, I remember the days before mobile phones) people generally knew the etiquette around phone calls - don’t call first thing in the morning or late at night (unless it’s an emergency)!

Anniegetyourgun · 02/09/2020 10:09

"Just give it to her" is not on. Anyone who's ever raised a toddler - or trained a pet - knows if you reward bad behaviour you reinforce it. If she gets what she wants this time she will do it again, and again, and again... if she gets a flea in her ear - and no number - she may learn, eventually, to have a bit of consideration, not because she gives a fuck for her young relative's feelings but because it's the only way to achieve the desired result.

mrsBtheparker · 02/09/2020 10:26

Just send it FFS

Rubbish, why do people on MN like to encourage pests? Block her number or send her a wrong one, whoops.

theDudesmummy · 02/09/2020 10:26

Why did she not just Google "how to find your own number on your phone", if she did not know how?

Original poster
Carbonarawprawns · 02/09/2020 10:27

I've sent a text saying:

Your number is...
This is the second time I've given you it now so write it down and tape it to the fridge. Don't ever call me at that time of night again unless there is a genuine emergency, waking me and the baby to ask for your telephone number is bang out of order. Cheers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Carbonarawprawns · 02/09/2020 10:30

@theDudesmummy

Why did she not just Google "how to find your own number on your phone", if she did not know how?
Because she 'doesn't know' how to use Google either, so she says.

Whenever she needs to find a number or address she asks me to do it for her. I used to humour her and find the number/address as it only took a minute but I've long since stopped as it only encourages her.

Last year I explained very clearly how to use Google to find whatever you need and if goes in one ear and back out of the other.

OP posts:
TheSecondMrsAshwell · 02/09/2020 10:33

If she goes to contacts on her phone, it should be listed there under My Phone number!

So then she will ring at midnight to find out how to find out what her phone number is.

giantangryrooster · 02/09/2020 10:34

Remove her tech, leave her with a landline. If she can't even Google something, she won't miss it.

thenightsky · 02/09/2020 10:34

@steff13

You can also get it from "settings" by scrolling all the way down to where it says "about phone." Is she not familiar with Google at all? She could have found the answer easily that way.
Mine shows an entirely different number to under My Phone Number. Confused
NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/09/2020 10:35

I'd just text her the number again and tell her to write it down somewhere prominent so that she doesn't have to ask again. I'd also suggest she doesn't delete the text so that she can refer back to it.

I'd then phone her tomorrow and explain that your sleep is really important and that she mustn't contact you again after (insert a stated time) unless there is a true emergency.

No need for sweary texts or fallings out.

ToastyCrumpet · 02/09/2020 10:36

This sounds like classic attention-seeking behaviour to me. The number is withheld because you can bet that people have stopped answering the phone when she rings. She’s worked out how to do that all right.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 02/09/2020 10:38

@thenightsky
Mine shows an entirely different number to under My Phone Number.
Did you transfer your old number when you bought a new phone? Mine lists the phone number from the original sim even though I transferred my old number.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 02/09/2020 10:38

It's just lazy and I'm afraid people only do this when they know they can get away with it .
My sil would ask me family members addresses repeatedly because she wanted to send cards and would not write it down the first time or even scroll up on her phone. Even phone numbers she was too lazy to save to her phone book. She asked me all the time because I was nice enough to do it the first few times , after that I just ignored her requests, then all if a sudden " it's ok I've found it "

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 02/09/2020 10:39

Your relative could just as easily phone the mobile phone provider , they work 24 hours dont they

starfishmummy · 02/09/2020 10:42

My partner who works away is routinely up at 4:00am and he has joked this morning that he could ring her up at that hour and see how she likes it.

Excellent idea!!

Megan2018 · 02/09/2020 10:44

I’d block their number and send a sweary message!

RainbowRaine · 02/09/2020 10:44

She could call her landline number and then dial 1471 (I think it is) to get the number back but she needs to take her phone off withheld.

seayork2020 · 02/09/2020 10:47

A bit annoyed yes but like most annoyances I have a grumble, give the number and moved on

If a once off if happens more phone on silent

After8itsgrownuptime · 02/09/2020 10:49

I have my phone configured so that only calls from my emergency contact list come through at night. The rest don’t ring

earthyfire · 02/09/2020 10:54

The only issue I would have with a phone call at 12 is the fact it would worry me, I'd think it was bad news. Other than that I stay up until at least 1am so it wouldn't be too much of an issue for me, I wouldn't do it call someone at 12 though. 10pm would be my cut off.

luckylavender · 02/09/2020 10:56

They wouldn't be phoning me again. Probably at any hour.

PerkingFaintly · 02/09/2020 10:59

@Carbonarawprawns

I've sent a text saying:

Your number is...
This is the second time I've given you it now so write it down and tape it to the fridge. Don't ever call me at that time of night again unless there is a genuine emergency, waking me and the baby to ask for your telephone number is bang out of order. Cheers.

It would have been a better reply without the first sentence.

In the first sentence, you show you are still taking responsibility for solving her life. She'll see that and ignore the rest of the message ("It's just Carbonarawprawns fussing").

She's going to carry on behaving like this as long as it continues working for her. The telling off will just be white noise.

When it stops working for her, she'll stop doing it.

Next time she pulls anything remotely like this, don't help her. Either ignore completely (put the phone down), or bawl her out. But don't SOLVE HER PROBLEM and then bawl her out.

Laserbird16 · 02/09/2020 11:04

Can you mute her? Faux incompetence would go far in this situation.

I know you've replied now but I would be inclined to 'forget' as the baby kicked off and you fell back asleep in the middle of the night. Then 'forget' in the morning as you were just so tired. Mute her and if she asks just say you don't hear your phone as you are sleeping.

Dreamscomingtrue · 02/09/2020 11:08

I think that you can select who can ring you in emergencies? So just Select the people Who can and obviously don’t include her!

Crispsginchoc · 02/09/2020 11:57

Pure attention seeking and laziness. I used to work with a guy, who was quite frankly, lucky to even have a job. He used to constantly ask how to do simple tasks. I’d show him what to do and then told him to write it down to refer back to. He eventually stopped asking me anything and took to pestering another person continuously. His exact words were “why bother remembering how to do it when x can just do it all for me”.
He was eventually sacked, but there seem to be a few people with a similar attitude.
I hope your relative learns she won’t get anywhere with you if she calls at inappropriate times.