To empty the effing cupboards when I go?

[PaperDreamsHoney]

OK, long story short, STBXH is an abusive wanknugget who is refusing to separate even though he knows I don't want to be married to him anymore. He's refusing to leave our (rented) house and says the kids and I will have to go instead, despite the upheaval and having to risk interrupting an ongoing medical assessment by leaving the area (I can't afford our current area alone).

My question is, WIBU to empty the kitchen cupboards when I go? I'm not a prepper exactly but I do keep my cupboards well enough stocked that if we couldn't go shopping for a week or two we'd muddle through alright. It's his salary that's paid for the food but my planning that's actually stocked it up. He wouldn't know what to do with half of it anyway.

YABU - leave it/half of it
YANBU - take the bloody lot.

Don’t forget to take all the toilet roll too.

Clear EVERYTHING out. Your children's needs are more important. He sounds a nightmare. Best of luck

Agree with the emptying and freezing bank advice, the money moved over was classed as a gift during the divorce and not counted in settlement, tell yourself it is a security until the support payments come through if you feel bad.

For the utility companies take pics of the meter readings and email to them as well.

If you aren’t taking your old Christmas tree/decorations then buy them now using the joint account. Also buy the kids some Christmas presents to store away and make sure you buy yourself something special as you sound like you’ve been through a lot.

Especially the lights. When I took our Xmas decs, we had the older style lights where you replaced individual bulbs. Of course, it's hard to get these bulbs now, with LEDs being so prevalent (and safer).

I've since replaced all the lights. Quite cheap, and also cheaper in post Xmas sales.

Fuck me the vipers are giving some really vindictive advice on this thread! Fuses out of plugs? Prawns in the curtains? Really? This man, unfortunately, is the father to her kids, and as such is going to be around for a while.

@PaperDreamsHoney this man is going to be in your life for a long time if you have kids. The relationship is already acrimonious and you anticipate huge problems with maintenance.

Take only what you need, for fucks sake. Anything more is purely vindictive, antagonistic and likely to create even more animosity.

Because you have kids, if the food in the cupboards will benefit them, then it's theirs anyway, right?

Try and buy some vouchers for supermarkets along with a very small amount of shopping from the joint account 🙂

Yes do. Take it all including laundry detergent and washing up liquid. Your income could become very unreliable and you have to think of yourself and your children because it sounds like he wont.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland and anyone else who's wondering:

I haven't worked in years bc he wouldn't allow it. If you search my username you'll find discussions about me being forced to home educate my children despite not wanting to. So, although I am trying to find something that fits around single parenting, I am not very employable.

I am also a full-time student (2 years to go, then I intend to do teacher training), one child has SEN and the other is only just starting nursery 2-3 days per week.

Hope that clarifies.

I like the idea of buying vouchers with whats in the joint account, but yeah, clear that out as well as everything else.

Distributing the contents of a pack of frozen prawns under the carpet edge near a radiator is a nice touch if you've time but clearing out the accounts and taking all the useful stuff is much more important!

@PaperDreamsHoney you don't owe anyone an explanation, not least some twat on the internet. You're leaving an abusing situation, no one expects you to have an instant job and childcare.

@Ultimatecougar

Stop it with the prawns in the curtains advice. The curtains and poles probably belong to the landlord. Any damage to the landlords property and OP is as liable as the ex.

yes. The "advice" is repetitive and ridiculous. No, OP, all these posters or their friends or friends of friends did not do all these prawn related antics, they just read it on the internet. In real life situations most people behave like adults.

If you treat him bad, why would he not treat you bad. Be civil treat him how you want to be treated if he doesn,t retun with kind then you have moral high ground. Take enough that you need, do not be spiteful.

Take the kettle too. And the microwave. Take everything you need. That includes light bulbs and loo paper.

I would ring up CMS and explain you are leaving an abusive relationship (WA involved and you qualify for legal aid and he has been financially abusive) and he is refusing to pay and could you move straight onto them being involved.

@june2007

If you treat him bad, why would he not treat you bad. Be civil treat him how you want to be treated if he doesn,t retun with kind then you have moral high ground. Take enough that you need, do not be spiteful.

My ex was financially abusive, among other types of abuse. Being kind did nothing. Maintaining the moral high ground doesn't put food on the table.

Given how he was bleeding me dry of money, damn right I took everything. He could easily afford more with the substantial sumd he had in the bank. I had a tiny budget, and I'm not going to CMS because the wanker still doesn't pay child support. He's far more loving to his wallet than he ever was to me.

It was nothing to do with being spiteful, but was simply a way of ensuring I stretched my funds as far as possible until I started getting the UC paid.

That should read "I'm NOW going to CMS", rather than "not"

Ohhh loving some of these ideas!

Maybe OP you can write a guide ‘leaving a wanker’

Love the food vouchers idea! Inspirational!

Can you get a friend to help with storage until you’re ready to move?

Don't forget all fixtures and fittings, lightbulbs, blinds etc.

I did this. I'd paid for it all and had children to feed 🤷‍♀️

It's also possible that his lego models fell apart and got mixed up as I was leaving.

Fair trade for years of abuse...

@june2007

If you treat him bad, why would he not treat you bad. Be civil treat him how you want to be treated if he doesn,t retun with kind then you have moral high ground. Take enough that you need, do not be spiteful.

Yes, just continue to take all the abuse he throws at you, then ask for some more, after all, we wimmin have been bred solely to pander to our superior menfolk and should know our place. Someone pass me the sick bucket 🤮.

@AyeCorona1 nice to see practical advice on this thread, not the encouragement of damaging rented property. Hope you're all good now and you've moved forward in your life x

@Sidge couldn't have said it better myself

@HM1984 thanks, and yes, eventually the hate has lifted (though I'll never forgive what he put me/us through) and all I feel is contempt for him now. Everything I brought from our old home except one storage unit has been replaced over the last 10 years. I only brought what we needed - kids stuff, their beds (I slept on an airbed for weeks, didn't want our bed in my new place), fortunately my mum filled my fridge and I received lots of Tesco vouchers for birthdays/Christmas for a few years. I left with no job, no money and it was hard. He fought me every step of the way for everything. Lightbulbs? I'm not going to be so vindictive to sink that low.