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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone grow up in a really isolated area?

236 replies

Sarahpaula · 01/09/2020 16:06

I was born in a city in England. When I was five my parents divorced,
and my mother moved with me and my brother to a really isolated part of Ireland.

The house was not even in a village, it was not even on a main road between villages. You have to drive one mile outside of a tiny village, and then turn and drive down another two miles down a tiny bog road.

We were so isolated. I couldn't even walk to the shop.

I have had many arguments with her about this over the years. She said "well I could drive, I could drive to the shops". I said "me and my brother couldn't drive, we were totally trapped there".

I feel like isolation is abuse. I went to visit her this week, went to the house, and I feel total rage at her making me live in that isolated area all of my childhood. My brother is angry about it too.

Anyone else grow up in an isolated area and feel anger about it?

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 01/09/2020 16:10

My kids are growing up in a relatively isolated area. As a result they don’t have to breathe traffic fumes all the time and we have a nice big garden and fields around where they can walk the dogs. During lockdown it felt like buying this house was the best thing we ever did. I wonder if my kids are going to turn around and say that we abused them.

Original poster
Sarahpaula · 01/09/2020 16:14

@makingmammaries I don't lnow how isolated you are, but I think a child should be able to at least walk to a shop, or to a friend's house.

I honestly felt brain damaged from being so isolated. My brain really wasn't well. If you isolate any animals they start to go crazy.

It was only when I was older and could live in a city again, that my brain started to heal

OP posts:
Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 01/09/2020 16:16

I know how you feel OP. Not exactly the same but I grew up in a village with no shops or anything at all you could walk to. My parents compounded it by sending me to a school quite a way away so I didn’t have any friends nearby.

I think it can be really crap for kids, especially teens, and what seems idyllic to an adult is quite shit and isolating for teenagers. Plus it’s infantilising not being able to get anywhere under your own steam (no public transport where I was).

As an adult I now really like where my parents live. Small kids can enjoy it too I think, but as my dd gets older she admits she’s happier where we are (outer London).

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 01/09/2020 16:17

I wouldn’t class it as abuse but just a bit shit!

Original poster
Sarahpaula · 01/09/2020 16:19

Parents don't see how isolated children are, because parents can drive around. A child can't drive. The child is trapped there

OP posts:
EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 01/09/2020 16:20

And the award for biggest drama queen goes to you op, well done!

Original poster
Sarahpaula · 01/09/2020 16:21

Yes @Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches it is an age clash. When an adult gets older, they start to want to live in a more peaceful place. But a child wants something to do, and is bored by an isolated, peaceful place.

I think the child should have priority, because it is the child's brain that is developing, and a child growing up in an isolated area can really cause damage to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarahpaula · 01/09/2020 16:22

@EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide do you always write sh*t? Try harder

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 01/09/2020 16:22

A bit crap but not abuse.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 01/09/2020 16:23

I was 3 miles from the nearest shop of bus stop but we lived in a beautiful house with lots of land.

We had a school bus that picked us up daily and dropped us off, if we wanted to go out with friends then we'd get a bus to the nearest village then parents would pick us up and me and my brothers all got mopeds when we turned 16 so we could be independent.

I loved it and definitely didn't feel like it was child abuse. I'd love something like it for my DD, so she could have the freedom and space to roam without busy roads.

hastingsmua1 · 01/09/2020 16:24

I think it sounds very sad. I spent my childhood/teen years surrounded by my friends, full of sleepovers, house parties and outings. They’re unique memories that you can’t really recreate once you’re an adult. Eg the thrill of sneaking into a club or buying alcohol when you’re not quite 18 yet. I couldn’t imagine going through my school years without any of that

AryaStarkWolf · 01/09/2020 16:24

I presume you both went to school everyday? So it wasn't as if you were locked up in the house. Your mother probably thought she was giving you a good life.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 01/09/2020 16:24

😂😂😂👍

CoronaBollox · 01/09/2020 16:24

A bit shit and too reliant on waiting for your parents to drive you everywhere. If the parents are working and no one is available to drive them, then I can imagine it being very lonely and like you're missing out.

It wouldn't be for me but it isn't abuse, that's rather dramatic and I know loads of people who love the out in the stick life.

PippyShortsocks · 01/09/2020 16:24

Omg. Do you know what child abuse actually is?

You do know some kids don't have enough food, heating, shelter, space and are hit and other less pleasant things.

It wasn't your choosing to live there. I get that it was shit for some, lovely for others. But it's not abusive.

Original poster
Sarahpaula · 01/09/2020 16:25

I think it is abuse. We spent all of our school summer holidays in Ireland, (three months in Ireland) not seeing anyone except our mother. If she ever went out , she would leave the two of us home by ourselves all day, and we were miles away from anywhere.

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 01/09/2020 16:25

I grew up in a very isolated house, no shop or main road near. We now live in an isolated place with dc. Growing up I loved being in the countryside, it was beautiful and I was very lucky, however it was harder when I was a teenager and is not so easy for my dc now they are teens. I make sure we take them where they need to go and they see friends and do activities. I learnt to drive as soon as I could as did my eldest dc, which gave more independence. I would not change my child hood at all and feel I did not miss out on social things, but living in a rural area can make you feel very isolated.

Byrtie · 01/09/2020 16:25

I had school friends that lived in circumstances similar to yours. Loved visiting them as they had amazing gardens to play in but I dont think I'd have wanted to swap because I liked being in close proximity to other friends.

I think 'abuse' is overstating it but I agree it isnt a desirable way to grow up (and think itd be rage inducing come teenage years).

PippyShortsocks · 01/09/2020 16:25

For context, I grew up in the sticks and loved it.

RandomTree · 01/09/2020 16:26

What happened if you wanted to meet a friend or go to the shops OP? Would your mum refuse to drive you?

Original poster
Sarahpaula · 01/09/2020 16:26

@PippyShortsocks My mother also screamed and shouted at us, and insulted us all day. Both my brother and me attempted suicide.

OP posts:
catlady3 · 01/09/2020 16:26

I would imagine very few people did.

Twaddledee · 01/09/2020 16:27

Many children love growing up in the countryside. I think this is especially so when they have a strong sense of belonging and community there, so maybe that mitigates the isolation somewhat. Perhaps the issue was more that you were uprooted away from where you wanted to be and it was beyond your control? I have heard someone express the exact opposite of what you are saying - as a child they were desperate to live in the countryside but instead lived in the town. They hated the fact their parents chose to live in the town when their own background was more rural.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/09/2020 16:27

Did you not cycle places though? 3 miles isn't that far on a bike

Byrtie · 01/09/2020 16:27

I think it is abuse. We spent all of our school summer holidays in Ireland, (three months in Ireland) not seeing anyone except our mother. If she ever went out , she would leave the two of us home by ourselves all day, and we were miles away from anywhere.
You didnt visit friends or have friends visit during the holidays?