Am AIBU to think Covid has changed us all?

[Daleksatemyshed]

I'm reading so many posts from people saying they're seeing their DH/DP's in a new light, and not for the better, people who are afraid to meet family, send their DC to school, just struggling with every day life to the point their MH is breaking down. Who would have thought a disease would do this to us?

It made me realise how we should cherish and enjoy life. It made me lose weight and get fit. It made me aware of how lovely many of my neighbours are and how we all have a part to play to make a community. It made me grateful for my home and even prouder of my adult children. It made me want to push my retirement forward.

I think there is a lot of hyperbole on here, where everyone is either painted to be living in abject, irrational fear or uncaring Covid deniers. In reality, looking around my small world of friends, family and neighbours...I see a mix of people muddling through, trying to help each other out, care for each other and entertain each other in an unprecedented and uncertain time, with the ocassional outlier of people getting angry about the restrictions.

As for my family. To be honest we always have a hospital bag packed, not out of a sense of impending doom, but because ds has had many dashes to hospital, and it makes life a lot easier, if there is an overnight bag packed!

Ds has been shielding, so at the beginning we updated his hospital passport (on the advice of LD CAMHS) because this is a vital document if ds has to go to hospital, we made sure medicine instructions were up to date, we set lockdown rules in place.

Ds (10) and his sisters (13 and 14) and I stayed in, lucky to have a lovely garden, and for dh to be able to work throughout. The girls did work set for them, I wrangled some 'homeschool' from ds. I tried to make sure they kept in touch with friends. I organised an online Art Club and did some work for the preschool I normally work at.

We very occasionally went for a remote walk in the middle of nowhere. We organised shopping for my mum (also shielding) and I spoke to her on the phone 2 or 3 times a day, she kept busy and was happy, painting and knitting, but missing her grandchildren and friends in town.

We washed down our online shopping and dh showered and changed when he got home.

Apart from an awful few weeks in June, when my mum died suddenly, we have had a really strange but lovely, time feeling incredibly close as a family, and appreciating small things. Ds is the healthiest he's been for a couple of years, he's put on weight, grown taller and his anxiety is 1000% less.

As shielding eased we went a bit further afield for remote walks and picnics and tea by the sea. The girls saw a couple of friends, I had a friend over for coffee in the garden.

This is ok....the bit I'm finding hard is now. Grieving my mum felt like it was paused...I can feel it there in the background. I hate the 'New Normal' with things being nearly the same but not quite, like an Uncanny Valley life but with more masks and hand gel. I feel real anger when I watch the news, and have to be really careful not fall down a hole of impotent fury over how this government have handled and are handling things. I am very worried about the tightrope walk of ds and the dds going back to school...with Winter bugs, the uncertainty of whether the risk is too high, the potential upheaval and ds's medical vulnerability, which I'm supposed to pretend has gone away.

On here, I would probably be portrayed as neurotic and unreasonable, but like everything it's all a bit more nuanced than that.

its not the virus itself but your reaction to it that changes people

Oh I think you'll find that the virus itself can change people.

Well, it's changed my life in practical ways - I was planning to spend a couple of years in France, starting about now, but those plans have been put off indefinitely, mainly as I don't want to be unable to see relatives if the borders close/there are quarantines, and because what's the point of being in another country to practise the language if no-one wants to meet up with you?

The idea was that I might even move permanently to France if I wanted after a year or two - I already have EU citizenship - but I don't want to hang about waiting to see when travel will be better, so I am now reimagining my future and making different plans.

I don't like how judgemental people have been. I deleted the Mumsnet app about a week before lockdown because I just couldn't deal with the nastiness on some of the threads.

Even now, the toilet roll has been mentioned several times even though in reality very few people went out and bought tonnes of it. What most likely happened was that everyone sensibly bought a pack just in case, rather than leave it until they were down to their last roll. But over every supermarket in every town, that's a massive increase in sales. Same with pasta.

But some people love to sneer.

The best writing about Covid 19 IMO is by 'M.D' in Private Eye.

The random nature of the virus is what spooks us - the fact that it can, and has, struck anyone anywhere at any time.

Having said that, most of us won't know anyone who has had it, especially if we're middle class, suburban/rural and in good health.

The lockdown was necessary because (i) unlike Germany we don't have 'track & trace' in place (ii) the Chinese were a week late giving us the necessary information, ergo (iii) our government was a week late imposing the lockdown, leading to a more severe spike in cases & deaths and a longer lockdown.

In sum, everyone was inconvenienced and the economy trashed in order to protect vulnerable groups. Which is where it gets interesting. We would all probably tolerate these restrictions in order to protect our own grandmother/grandfather (who might be ill/overweight/have diabetes already), but perhaps we're not so willing to make sacrifices for other people's grandparents.

Psychologically, we can tolerate suffering in these situations if we truly believe that everyone is suffering together, which is why most people rooted for Boris when he got it and were so furious about the Cummings episode.

A crisis brings out both the best and the worst in everyone, just as in wartime not everyone behaves heroically or even honourably.

One more thought. After WW2, people were determined that the poverty of the 1930s should be consigned to history, and they elected a government that gave us the welfare state, for which I for one am very grateful. It now falls to this government to do something similar and use this crisis to address the obscene level of inequality in the UK, inequality that has risen exponentially since about 1980. People now desperately want some levelling up, and if that means taxing those who have done well a bit more then so be it. If the govt have the courage to do that, then out of this adversity might emerge a fairer nation. Let's hope so.

As an expat, Brexit has made quite a difference to my life, but Covid has put it in a different perspective.

I used to listen to the BBC's Brexit podcast, and that turned into a Corona podcast, with the same team reporting. Brexitcast was basically a gossipy podcast of the type you'd listen in to hear what awful nonsense was going on now, to recount to your mates. The Corona podcast was a sea change: many episodes were very serious and emotional, you could hear the reporters growing up. Brexit is now not going to be the big event of the end of this year, I think, and that seems appropriate.

My BIL can’t talk about nothing else but pandemic. He’s obsessed by it and can spot 1 person not wearing a mask out of everyone else who is, then declares the world is awful. He doesn’t seem to have had any of the same experiences as I have had and can’t seem to learn to adapt. I have barely seen my nephews and nieces for months on end and it’s really damaged everyone’s relationships

"Your children will not remember the virus, but they will remember how you reacted"

"It’s not the virus that has caused many of those problems. It’s our reaction to it"

I find this odd.

My girls are 13 and 14, they will of course remember the virus...they will remember good bits and bad bits, they read the news, they join in our conversations about what's going on.

Ds is 10, with complex needs and learning disabilities, he was shielding. We talked to him about why we were staying in, why he couldn't see his nanna (also shielding). In laying down 'lockdown rules' and now 'virus rules' we have to set out why he can't do something's and must do others

...we obviously have to be careful not to run around wailing and gnashing our teeth in panic, but I think kids know from the world around them that some pretty big shit going down!

Only thing I've really noticed within myself is that I'm a LOT more money conscious. I lost a good half of my income and really had to be careful with spending.

I used to be queen of spontaneous purchases - a maccys milkshake as I was passing, a quick Costas, a few books from Waterstones. Now I'm not buying anything but the essentials.

I honestly do not know what to say to this. Who overreacted? What specifically should not have been done? And why? Are you advocating people should have ‘just carried on’?

I don't think the entire world should have locked down. The economic repercussions from that are going to be with us for decades. Unemployment, homelessness, businesses going under, people dying from curable illnesses because nobody could be treated for anything but COVID, children losing months of their education, the mental health issues caused by lockdown, shielding and isolation...

There is a huge difference between carrying on as normal and shutting the entire world down. People are now too scared to let their parents hug their grandchildren. People are too scared to let their kids get an education or to even leave the house.

The impact this will still be having in 10-20-30 years is going to be massive and I think a lot of people have no idea what we're in for.

It's not the virus that has done this, it's society's handling of it that has. I don't feel much different personally as I am largely house bound anyway and have been for around 10 years before Covid showed up. I've had DP working from home (normally he travels a lot for work) but it has been great having him here and we've enjoyed it. His mum who is mid 70s has handled it fine, the only issue has been not being able to visit for months.

What I don't like is the nastiness it has brought out in some folk - the 'Covid police' for want of a better term. Also the very worrying rise in conspiracy theories and how willing people are to believe these. I do worry that if a worse virus comes along, will people now ignore any advice given?

Bupkis I am sorry about your mum. .

I know what you mean about the impotent rage.

For me it has changed things a lot. I realise how much I took for granted before this, I hope I will not do that in the future. My mental health has suffered and I have had some really bleak days. On the other hand, I have realised how kind people can be and how strong some of my friendships are, even when we couldn't see each other.

I'm not going out much apart from the shops and the gym (WFH and am also a carer for DH). Not because I am scared, but because of the queuing and the faff involved. I loathe the "new normal" and would rather wait until things become normal normal. Maybe in the Spring?

I hope that there will be an inquiry into the handling of all this and the right people are held accountable. Situations like the one Afternooninthepark (so sorry )described with her Mil not getting treatment need to be part of that inquiry. It is a tragedy for us all that this pandemic coincided with us having the worst and most incompetent PM in modern times.

It changed me massively. It narrowed my horizons, made me fearful and I doubt I’ll get back to what I was before. The next crisis is and will continue to be, mental health. The number of deaths related to depression is spiralling and so many people are barely managing.

The reaction to people like me has made me very angry too. I don’t think I’ll forget that.

We are currently experiencing a global pandemic. I'm surprised that anyone would think this wouldn't change things?

Personally, I'm deeply disappointed by the number of people who seem to think it doesn't affect them. In other words, they can carry on as if nothing has changed - no SD, no extra hand washing, no care at all. I'm also gratified by the number of people who have gone out of their way to help others.

The problem with an invisible enemy like this is that outwardly nothing looks different. But the world has turned upside-down, and no amount of wishing it away will change that. We have to learn to deal with it in the same way that countless others have and still do with still worse disasters.

Hasn’t changed us at all, if anything it’s been good for us to be able to spend so much time together. My husband is a teacher and is normally out from 7am-6pm everyday, he’s shattered when he gets home to us normally. He’s worked all through this as have I but we have had so much time with our young children. He’s gone back to work today, I’m a bit sad to be honest. I continue to work from home, which is good for us with small children.

I obviously realise this has been a very bleak time for many, we did have the stress of my mum catching it (she was nursing Covid patients) and in her late 60s it caused a lot of worry. She was ill for over a month, though thankfully never seriously ill. I’m not totally detached from how awful it has been for many, but on the whole it hasn’t changed anything for us, maybe just strengthened the bond our children have with their dad.

@vanillandhoney I think it is far too early to judge whether lockdowns were the right thing to do or not. 850,000 people have died from the virus across the world in about 8 months, and that's with most countries locking down in one form or another (people keep saying Sweden didn't lockdown, but it did have restrictions, like most other countries). What would that figure be like if no lockdowns had happened?.

This winter will be the test I think.

people who are avid rock climbers and white water rafters, both hobbies that carry significant risk, but they refuse to go to Tesco

maybe they are judging risk to themselves (from dangerous hobbies) differently from how they judge a public health risk to others (them passing the virus around to more vulnerable folk) ?

It hasn't changed me but I have had my eyes opened to just how many people have health anxiety.

Perhaps it's just on here but so many seem scared to death of their own shadow. It must be a terrible way to live.

We have to learn to deal with it in the same way that countless others have and still do with still worse disasters

I agree. Talking about it all with others on this thread is one way of doing this. It helps to know how others are feeling.

[quote bibbitybobbitycats]@vanillandhoney I think it is far too early to judge whether lockdowns were the right thing to do or not. 850,000 people have died from the virus across the world in about 8 months, and that's with most countries locking down in one form or another (people keep saying Sweden didn't lockdown, but it did have restrictions, like most other countries). What would that figure be like if no lockdowns had happened?.

This winter will be the test I think.[/quote]
I still think that essentially shutting down the global economy was too much.

Restrictions? Yes. Total shutdown? No.

Forgot to add it made me realise how lovely our neighbours are too, we all have busy lives and literally just exchange Xmas cards and do the odd wave normally, we’ve lived here over 4 years. We all chat now, our children have started to play with the neighbours grandchildren and we’ve all just got to know one another better. We are planning to move in a few years and I actually feel sad at the thought of leaving such nice neighbours. It took being stuck at home for months to realise what a nice bunch they all are.

Time will tell @vanillandhoney, no doubt there will be lots of analysis in the months and years to come. I must admit I do have the same thoughts at times.

I don't think it's changed us. Maybe we were scared for a short while, but overall no.

Going by what I read on here a lot and a handful of people I know, I think it's sent some people totally insane.

By that I mean those saying joggers were murdering people, spying on their neighbours and scaring the life out of their children.

I feel like I kind of know what's happened to me. Before lockdown I went out and about as normal. School runs. Town to shop. Rarely I'd go to the cinema but we did around once a year when we got babysitters. We used to have days out. Go on holiday. Everything. I've always had a tiny bit of anxiety since being a mum. It's so small. It's never caused symptoms really just very rarely I'd feel abit twitchy waiting around for time time to leave.

Lockdown has happened and since march I've not been anywhere. I was ready to start going to shops then masks came in. I just feel stupid with cloth over my face. I hate it. I know why it's needed. But I still hate it. So I don't bother. Which is not a good thing. But I just can't push through it. I've also been walking way less due to not having a routine and kids at school. So my fitness has massively dropped. My body has got used to being home. But my mind hasn't. My mind wishes it could go out again and be Alive again. But my body is a nightmare.

I'm tired
I have trouble sleeping
I feel anxious
My neck and back is so sore.
I feel sickly alot
When I'm hungry now I feel sickly.
Headaches at least twice a month
I feel panicky when I'm too far from home
I don't want to walk far.
My kids irritate me when we need to leave the house. The whole shoes on and faces wiped seems so draining. Then my five year old waffles constantly. Sometimes on a walk in trying to think. Yet she keeps interrupting my thoughts. Which makes me feel drained and tense.

I even associate my friend with anxiety now. We've always done the school run together. Always done long walks to the park together. She keeps saying we should go for ice cream at the park. I don't like ice cream and I hate having to pull myself together for other people. So I just never get around to arranging it. I can't be bothered to meet her because if I don't feel right I'll be a couple of miles away from the house. She also has anxiety massively and mild depression. But we struggle with different things.

So yeah it has changed me. I hate it. I've spoken to my gp. If school and routine doesn't sort me out I'll be looking into medication. But I'm hoping all I need is routine.