Am AIBU to think Covid has changed us all?

[Daleksatemyshed]

I'm reading so many posts from people saying they're seeing their DH/DP's in a new light, and not for the better, people who are afraid to meet family, send their DC to school, just struggling with every day life to the point their MH is breaking down. Who would have thought a disease would do this to us?

@hamsterarse
Good points there.
Especially taking charge of your own health.
I’ve always done that
For 40 odd years, I’ve seen naturopaths, osteopaths, homeopaths, used herbs, vitamins, looked into nutrition and food intolerances
Eat healthily. Non smoker and practically tea totalled

If everyone did this there would be much leSS of a burden on the nhs

Drs and nurses would be twiddling their thumbs doing nothing 😂
Or actually having the chance to help people with life changing and life challenging conditions properly instead of spreading themselves so thin people only get a bit here and a bit there but never get their needs met properly by woefully underfunded services

@Bellesavage

I think it has exposed a lack of critical thinking and people's inability to correctly interpret statistics, which I find worrying.

For example, I know people who are avid rock climbers and white water rafters, both hobbies that carry significant risk, but they refuse to go to Tesco

I think Brexit revealed the paucity of critical thinking skills in our populace.

I'm not in the slightest bit surprised in how so many are allegedly terrified of this virus. Personally, I believe it has permitted many people to retreat behind locked front doors for ever as that is their emotional and physical 'safe space'. Especially when the state is paying them to do so. CV has provided the perfect excuse for all these anxious, panic-attack'y people to never leave the house again.

I think many people's comfort zones are getting smaller and smaller and normal social interaction with people outside one's bubble is becoming more stressful as a result.

@Helocariad interesting. And a conversation with a friend who is a psychiatrist also gives food for thought ..... I asked him if he’d seen an increase in referrals during lockdown because of Covid but he hadn’t. In his view this was because most folks’ issues come from interactions with other people. When that’s not happening folk don’t stress about it. There was also a report in news last week that teenagers reported a drop in feeling depressed because they were no longer under pressure. What it’s like now in both cases now that lockdown is eased I don’t know.

It has affected me. I’m now scared to hug my children when they come home from school. They have been mixing all day and we did so well to keep safe over the last months. I don’t feel so safe anymore.
I don’t want to kiss my husband anymore 😢

@Howmanyhourswastedfindinganame

It has affected me. I’m now scared to hug my children when they come home from school. They have been mixing all day and we did so well to keep safe over the last months. I don’t feel so safe anymore. I don’t want to kiss my husband anymore 😢

That's so sad. Can I ask why you don't feel safe? Maybe if you tell us what you're most scared of we might be able to help you assess your personal risk in terms of the data? For example the information is there re postcodes.

Were you or your DH on the shielding list? How old are you?

I worry that the need to get everyone to be careful and cautious has backfired on this inept bloody government enormously so that now people are disproportionately scared.

Does this attached pic help? I find it helps me enormously (ignore that it was done by Sweden, that rang alarm bells so I went off and checked and the stats are broadly the same for the UK).

Is there anything we can do on here to help you feel ok?

Ibake
Thank you for your kind response. I do have some health issues. So many people have long term health problems because they had covid. I am terrified of this happening to me so I can’t look after my children.
I have not seen these numbers. I am aware that other countries have better healthcare. They may have been reporting their deaths differently. There may be people dying of covid and it is not being picked up? I don’t know. I just know that it had been really bad.

Nope. I'm good.

It's the "normals" who are suffering. I have never been normal so not much change there.

Hi @Howmanyhourswastedfindinganame sorry for late reply, have been out and only just got back.

It's not about different standards of healthcare or slightly different reporting numbers, the stats shown in that graphic are broadly true regardless of where you are, including the UK. I checked.

When this first kicked off my DH and I both thought 'shit if his mum gets this she's going to die' as she's had cancer, is 86 and only has 1 kidney, whereas now we think she's got a really good chance of surviving.

We've learnt so much and come so far over the past few months, treatment options, less urgency to ventilate and instead use cpap machines, drugs that are working etc. And all that's provided you get it, which is a low chance right now. And if you do get it a really low chance that you need to be hospitalised, and if you do need to be hospitalised a really, really low chance that you'll end up in ICU.

I'm assuming you're quite young? Your risk is really low. So many people on MN bang on about Long Covid and state, as a matter of fact, that the effects last for years. That makes me so cross as we're not even a year into this disease yet so how they hell do they know?! Lots of viruses knock you for six and take a while to recover from, a good example is glandular fever.

For all you know you might even already have had covid and been completely asymptomatic and you're spending time worrying about something you've already had. I'm not suggesting you go to the next illegal rave or start licking strangers in the street! Maintain good hygiene, be careful and sensibly cautious, but celebrate the fact that your kids are back at school, living the life they're supposed to be living.

You will be fine. The odds are stacked in your favour. I truly believe this xx

Thanks again for taking the time to respond Ibake.
I want to feel reassured by what you are saying, I really do.
It’s just that we have never lived through anything like this before, well not in my lifetime anyway.
We have so many changes taking place to protect us. Surely if the virus wasn’t this serious we would not need track and trace, Not be wearing masks, widespread testing, disruption to schools and businesses. None of this would be happening if it was simply not that serious. A whole world shut down for this new virus.
I’m not normally irrational with health worries but this feels overwhelming.

Bellesavage That's such a good point about your friends with risky hobbies. Some people have just lost all perspective. I also agree with another poster saying its bought out alot of busy bodies and people trying to shame others. I've unfollowed a few of my friends on FB as I was so fed up of the fear mongering narrative.

I also agree it depends on your experience. Fortunately I haven't lost anyone to covid but I have worked with a lot of patients that have contracted it. People on paper that you would think didnt stand a chance. The majority made a complete recovery. The few that didn't were extremely poorly prior to contracting the virus. I am a lot less worried than I was but still careful to adhere to the guidelines for everyone's safety.

I think for me there are actually a few positives (bit of a hermit anyway) and the reduced social life and distance from certain negative people has meant I've got things sorted and organised at home, even career wise.

I hate who I've become because of this. I've become such a self centred person

@Howmanyhourswastedfindinganame the things in place are not there to protect individuals they have always been there to protect society and the infrastructures we have.

Lockdown occured because growth was getting out of control on a highly infectious novel virus we had no immunity too and very little knowledge about. A LOT of mistakes were made at the beginning both with care homes and treatments that time has sorted out some.

But within that usually individual risk is low - which is what we can look at and focus on

@Vintagevixen

No I don't want to shut millions of people away for years. Thats not what I suggested at all. Give them the information needed to assess their own risk and decide what they want to do, support them if needed.

Then let the healthy go free and build up immunity via antibody and T cell immunity. Plus keep something resembling society going. Ultimately this will benefit the at risk groups when sufficient immunity levels lowers their risk.

My own parents (in their 80's) have decided not to waste their last years in fear, and are going out and about as normal.

What you describe here is what Sir Patrick Vallance called "herd immunity" in one of the early daily medical briefings. Also known as "taking one for the team" I.e.allowing people to catch COVID19 in order to build immunity across broad populations. It's the sort of thing Cummings would support.

Herd Immunity, albeit a very common concept amongst epidemiologists like Chris Witty and medical scientists like Sir Patrick was deemed extremely controversial and inflammatory because there is still so little known about CV19 even now - in fact what we know now there is a growing body of evidence suggesting people can catch it twice in a season, because like flu the virus mutates its genetic structure because it's a sneaky little bugger and keeps reinventing itself quicker than humankind can develop vaccines to protect people from it. So it was deemed by many to be 'experimenting' at people's expense.

Hence why lockdown came into being, because separation of people in society was a quick fix solution to reduce the spread of infection, so however much we have found it terribly challenging, it did slow things down and prevented the Italy situation happening - overwhelming their medical system.

It has made me far more sceptical or mainstream media and critical of the government.

It has made me appreciate the social groups and events I used to attend, even though there werent many

@Bellesavage

I think it has exposed a lack of critical thinking and people's inability to correctly interpret statistics, which I find worrying.

For example, I know people who are avid rock climbers and white water rafters, both hobbies that carry significant risk, but they refuse to go to Tesco

Great point 👍

@Quartz2208
Actually lockdown happened on March 22 after the government had reduced the status of covid from HCID

It said so on their website

@Quartz2208

@Dowser not really sure of the point you are trying to make or go against mine

That classification was dropped I think so that COVID could be treated in any hospital not just specialist ones and because the mortality rate was low

Too much time at home and not working/socialising means that some people seem to have completely lost their filter.

Some of our friends are now getting divorced. The lockdown has killed their marriage off once and for all.

I am closer to some friends more than others, it has defined what I really value in a friend (kindness, generous and spirited) Some people have acted quite selfishly, stockpiling needlessly, not bothered to see elderly neighbours or offer to help, travelled needlessly and seem completely absorbed in themselves. It was not obvious before, but it is now. Covid managed to cast a light in dark corners and areas you may not have seen before in a person put it that way.

I don't think I am fundamentally changed. I am fortunate that in the big picture mine and my family's lives are fairly unaffected.

Temporarily I have struggled with loss of purpose, motivation and boredom. For me, lockdown is finally ending with the return to school and some structured activities.
I am struggling with masks. I always was prone to finding busy, noisy and humid environments uncomfortable and had sporadically had panic attacks, and masks have now pushed me into two. I think introducing at such a late stage after months of social isolation has made that harder to deal with as I've become desenitised to normal busyness. Ironic as I did my best to get out most days in the early days and keep getting out to be a normal thing especially for DS1 (ASD) who was anxious about the virus in Feb/ March. As opportunities have opened up, I've gone for them until I was pushed to the point of hyperventilating on my own stale breath.

In the big picture these things shall pass.

It's good to see hypercautious friends begining to emerge from months of self imposed isolation triggered by Project Fear rather than specific health concerns.

It's been a lonely time. I've done the reaching out. No one reached out to me. At the same time, I've been continuously peopled out by the constant presence of the DCs and DH who continues to WFH indefinitely.

But normality, most welcomely, creeps closer.

On a societal scale, we need to be open about longevity, and quality of life.

Some years ago I lost a very disabled, close relative. At 48 he was an old man. His quality of life had been poor for years despite living for nearly 30 years in a very good residential home. It's sad, he is loved, and missed, but it was no tragedy. The tragedy was the mismanagement of his birth that created the whole path of his life.

We need to balance longevity and quality of life, especially with the most vulnerable people who are relient on others. Shutting people away and depriving them of human contact is no more a favour to our kin than treating them as disposable.

We are all of us mortal. I got that wake-up call at 11 when instead of my dad coming home from work, a policeman came to the door with bad news. I resolved at 11 to live well and live it to the full while the going is good. This is why I find it so sad that people are shutting themselves away from the world and isolating themselves from eachother. Covid is a risk. No one wants to feel ill. No one wants the longer term issues. No one wants to die (and fortunately the odds are far, far more favourable than public perception indicates)

If we lose the habits of getting out, socialising, eating out, shopping etc, the economy suffers. There are redundancies that ruin peoples' lives. There is poverty that ruins peoples' lives. There is less tax revenue to fund health, education and a host of other public services that hit the most vulnerable the hardest. While the NHS provides the minimum public service, the already straining waiting lists continue to grow and people spend longer and linger suffering. The longer we disrupt normality to manage Covid, the more people will suffer and in many cases die from the legacy of that disruptionin the coming years.

@BogRollBOGOF I agree! And can also relate. I too did all the phoning up, checking in on pals, neighbours, elderly. Not much was reciprocated. I felt a bit blue about it a few weeks back but gave myself a good talking to and realised that there are folk who get on with it and do the checking and there are the panickers who can't think beyond their own circumstances. And I mean that in the kindest way. They have their own stuff to deal with and deal with it differently to me.

That said, I'm no longer spreading myself thin and I'm concentrating on doing what is right for me. I'm not going to sit in fear of something when life is for living. I'll do as I'm told and it hasn't really affected me too much other than not being able to go to the odd gig, cinema, and occasional social thing. My hobbies are mainly outside apart from one but I can get on with doing the ones I'm permitted to rather than wail about the ones I can't.

I only look a week ahead at a time because in truth I fear the long term ripple effects more than Covid itself. Sometimes it feels like humanity is imploding on itself. But there is good to be found everywhere and I'll keep living and looking for the good!