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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was so rude today.... what is wrong with me?!

228 replies

Dorobie · 31/08/2020 13:51

AIBU to think that something is wrong with me?.... For background, I’ve always been a nice chatty person, quite sociable and smiley.

For context... It’s a bank holiday, I live in a busy tourist area, I’m a teacher so have that back to school dread! (Excuses out of the way!)

Out with the family to a well know spot (let’s say the beach) where most people congregate nr the cafe/car park/playarea/ flat bits.

We made the effort to walk about 45 mins so we could get a nice quiet secluded spot and settled with our picnic.

Another family turned up right next to us and the guy asked if he could set up near us and I just flippantly said, without really thinking... not really! To be fair to him, the spot we were at had an easy get in in to water, but the area is huge and there was another bench and get in about 50metres on.

So he then said well do you own the park?... And I replied, ‘No but you did ask!... There’s another bench up there.’ My dh was looking at me in disbelief that I was getting in to an argument. So I said it’s fine, we’ll move. So we packed up our stuff quietly (Silent atmosphere!!) and went off to the new spot.

My dh thinks I was immensely rude and I don’t disagree. He even went over to them (without my knowledge) and apologised on my behalf!!!

What is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut 😫

OP posts:
Crankley · 01/09/2020 17:40

I don't think you were rude. Your DH on the other hand was way out of line. I would have told him to stay with the other group if he didn't fancy losing a body part.

user1490954378 · 01/09/2020 17:47

I probably would have done the same as you OP if I am honest, and as others have said, it sounds like the man didn't get the answer that he expected. That doesn't mean that you were rude. Yes, I'd agree that you were blunt, but blunt and rude are two different things. Sometimes people have to be blunt and direct to make an important point, when otherwise people would deliberately ignore or just not get it at all. You moved anyway. Yes, you were clearly not happy, but under the circumstances, you were right not to be happy. I'd say you were direct and honest. You moved, which really he should have done, but the fact that you did that shows that you didn't particularly want some big confrontation, and you did the right thing in that respect. I don't think your husband should have apologised on your behalf. If he felt that strongly, he should have said that he thought you should apologise, not gone and done it for you and also completely without your knowledge!

lockdownmu · 01/09/2020 17:56

This has been me OP! Since lockdown - I'm normally really chatty polite - but I am assertive.
Today a woman coming past us in the footpath as we came back from the shops - as she approached she made a shooing type notion telling us to move over - it's a wide path and myself and my two daughters 11 and 8 already were 3 metres plus away from her.
I replied 'if you are going to the shops (gesturing 100 metres fro where we'd come from and where she must have been going) then you are going to be lucky to get even 2 metres between you and shoppers, maybe if you feel like that you should stay in'.
My daughters were horrified.
We had masks on by the way.
I'm going to try and be kinder and calmer. This isn't me and once school is back one of my worst fears will not have materialised...

lockdownmu · 01/09/2020 17:57

And why did the guy not go further away. I'm with you OP!

lockdownmu · 01/09/2020 17:58

@likeafish that's what I think!

puddleduckmummy · 01/09/2020 18:01

I think I’d be more pissed off that my DH felt the need to ‘apologise on my behalf’. Why did he feel that was necessary?!

Rachand23 · 01/09/2020 18:03

No I think you told him as it is! I would be really p...off with DH for apologising on “your behalf” though....

Throckmorton · 01/09/2020 18:09

I think your DH's extreme views have eroded your sense of what is normal. What you said was perfectly fine! Him apppologising on your behalf is really horrible though - totally belittles and undermines you.

Aridane · 01/09/2020 18:15

What I have learnt from this thread is that if I want to sit in a public place (like a beach) at a nice spot (eg easy access to the water) - and shock horror other people are there (who might be teachers and / or locals ad / or who have walked along the beach to sit where they’re sitting) - then I will not engage in the social niceties of oh hello do you mind if we sit here. In case I get a CF / entitled / rude person telling me , you know, I do mind, I am queen of the beach, sit elsewhere you non local beach hogger.

Sciencebabe · 01/09/2020 18:17

@YetAnotherSpartacus 😂😂😂 exactly

HandfulofDust · 01/09/2020 18:18

@Aridane

Surely what you've learned is don't ask a question if you're only going to be satisfied with a single response. The reason you ask if someone minds you doing something is o genuinely find out if they mind. Not as a passive aggressive way of forcing them to pretend they don't mind. Especially at the moment it's really quite rude to set up next to another family when you don't need to.

Aridane · 01/09/2020 18:20

Nope - I’ve learnt that I will sit on the beach and not engage in social niceties other than a curt nod in case I encounter a Beach Hogger like the OP

Aridane · 01/09/2020 18:21

(And then I will wonder, as she stomps off with sighs and baleful PA glares), whether she is a mumsnetter

YgritteSnow · 01/09/2020 18:24

No, I don't think you were rude actually. He asked and you gave an honest reply rather than polite BS that leaves you with a spoiled day out silently seething. I'd like to think I would have said the same.

rainwaterflow · 01/09/2020 18:26

How is it “beach hogging” to not want someone else sitting directly next to you while leaving the whole entire rest of the beach to them?

The man was the one acting like a space hogger.

HandfulofDust · 01/09/2020 18:30

@Aridane

Well fine if you don't care if you annoy people or not then do what you like without a care in the world - look after number one. What you can't do is act in an annoying way (by sitting right next to someone when there's plenty of empty space) and force that person to pretend they don't mind.

MJMG2015 · 01/09/2020 18:31

You were not rude. He asked- you answered. He just expected you to smile & be fine with it, Little Woman.

He was RUDE.

Your DH. You say 'time has passed'. Bloody hell. DH would still be hearing about it if he'd done that. FMD

Aridane · 01/09/2020 18:32

I think OP’s DH called it right

AIMD · 01/09/2020 18:36

It was a bit blunt but not hugely rude. It was being presumptuous thinking he would reply yes to his question.

I would say you could have been a bit less short but I don’t think you were rude. I wish I could be more blunt sometimes as I’m someone who over apologises and is over polite.

Gabi1412 · 01/09/2020 18:45

More to the point is you being uncharacteristically “snippy” and BECAUSE you’re a nice person- you feel bad/ashamed.... same here!’ I am hormonally unreasonable at the moment andhate myself afterwards but the happy camper in question must just “suck it up “

  • life is full of us snippy ladies!!😅
Iamblossom · 01/09/2020 18:51

Yes it was rude what you said.

I think you know this.

But you were irritated. Every other fucker on the planet seems to be allowed to behave however they like when they are disgruntled so why can't you on occasion?

I think it's funny and I think I would be quite proud of myself for giving an honest answer to the question personally.

Original poster
Dorobie · 01/09/2020 18:54

@Aridane

I think OP’s DH called it right
Are you the man who sat next to me?
OP posts:
Original poster
Dorobie · 01/09/2020 18:55

@Iamblossom

Yes it was rude what you said.

I think you know this.

But you were irritated. Every other fucker on the planet seems to be allowed to behave however they like when they are disgruntled so why can't you on occasion?

I think it's funny and I think I would be quite proud of myself for giving an honest answer to the question personally.

This is a good way of looking at it. I do still feel that I was rude. But I do now feel okay about it 😀
OP posts:
thisstooshallpass · 01/09/2020 18:57

You said what you were thinking. I'm a bit mad you chose to pack up and move though, and even more mad at your husband for apologising on your behalf.

Aridane · 01/09/2020 18:59

@Dorobie - but I may be in the future Wink

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