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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have a problem with this?

136 replies

mrsnec · 31/08/2020 12:50

DH has a friend I don't get on with. He has been seeing someone recently who is desperate to make an impression on his friends. She earns a lot more money than him.

We don't live near them but she's been sending my DH presents to try and impress him. Expensive booze mainly.

For some reason I am really uncomfortable with this and I don't know why. I got another delivery today and contemplated not signing for it. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Florencex · 31/08/2020 12:53

I think you would have been unreasonable by not accepting something that was not for you to accept or not.

It does seem a bit odd though, if I were your DH I would now be saying that there really is no need for gifts.

lotsolove · 31/08/2020 12:54

She sounds crazy! Who sends gifts to the friends of your new partner?

I wouldn't have a problem with it as such, but I'd think she is a bit desperate. Leave her to it but don't make an effort with her and she will probably stop.

Original poster
mrsnec · 31/08/2020 13:00

When it first happened I told DH I thought it was weird and he didn't answer me.

He talks to them on Skype a lot and she ignores me and she's invited DH to visit her when she works abroad but not me.

I think I'm just feeling insecure at the moment. She's DH's main topic of conversation it seems I don't like how impressed he is by her. I did accept the delivery because I don't want an argument with DH but I'd like her to stop and I'm worried he will feel like he has to reciprocate.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 31/08/2020 13:04

So weird

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 31/08/2020 13:07

She is being really weird but then so is your dh.

tulippa · 31/08/2020 13:09

That's not normal. Would make me wonder what is motivating her to do it.

WhyIsItSoHardToPickAUsername · 31/08/2020 13:11

That's very odd and your dh is being odd too.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 31/08/2020 13:11

That’s really not normal. Are you sure it’s his friends girlfriend? Why is your husband talking about her? My husband rarely ever mentions his friends girlfriends- unless there is gossip!

Original poster
mrsnec · 31/08/2020 13:11

He just thinks she obviously doesn't have anything else to spend her money on and she can do what she likes with it and is pleased his friend is so happy. She is also engaged to someone else who lives in another country and apparently can't get back there at the moment.

I was also considering sending her a message but I think that would make trouble too. I just can't believe she thinks it's ok.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 31/08/2020 13:11

You're not being insecure.

It's a very 'off' way to behave. Right under your nose.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 31/08/2020 13:13

Very weird of her.
Very weird of your DH to not answer you when you commented it was weird.
Very weird that she ignores you when skyping.
Very weird that she has invited only your DH to visit when she works abroad.

She just isn't that into you (but is probably very into him).

I'm sorry but I know that, in the same circumstances, my DH would consider it very strange. He would comment on it to me and would probably warn his friend off her too.

HowFastIsTooFast · 31/08/2020 13:13

Hang on, she's seeing DH's friend and is also engaged to someone abroad? Did I read that right?

How does that work?? This all sounds extremely dodgy OP.

Michaelbaubles · 31/08/2020 13:15

Wait, she’s engaged to someone else, not the friend? Well, she obviously gets her self-esteem from having men compete over her, and to give her credit, it seems like she’s very good at it. She’s got your DH hooked, that’s for sure.

SBTLove · 31/08/2020 13:15

Wait!! She’s engaged to someone else AND seeing your DHs friend??
Is she after your DH too? Very odd behaviour.

Prettybluepigeons · 31/08/2020 13:15

I think something is going on between your dh and her

Original poster
mrsnec · 31/08/2020 13:16

DH and his friend worked with her about 15 years ago and the friend 're-connected with her during lockdown and they got together.

The talk from DH is about how much she earns, how much she spends, what a great responsible job she has and isn't it amazing how well she's done for herself. (She's 37, no DC 6 figure salary. I'm 42, 2 preschoolers and a SAHM.)

OP posts:
Hangingwithmygnomies · 31/08/2020 13:18

They're both being very weird. I would find it uncomfortable too

ArchieStar · 31/08/2020 13:19

She sort of sounds like Aurora from friends.. wanting a husband, boyfriend and lover at the same time! Very odd behaviour from both but playing devils advocate could you be slightly envious of her? Either way, the fact he isn’t commenting back about her would be uncomfortable for me.

SBTLove · 31/08/2020 13:20

Is she definitely seeing the friend or is he a cover for her and your DH?
Why does he not think it’s rude she ignores and excludes you? My DP wouldn’t entertain that rudeness towards me.

Original poster
mrsnec · 31/08/2020 13:21

We're in another country too but DH is going back for a visit in a couple of weeks and I'm worried.

So they're in the UK,she works in the US and her fiancee is there. We're in another European country.

She claims she's stuck in the UK at the moment. I rekon she could get back to the us if she wanted to.

And I've seen the Skype calls sometimes she makes me cringe when she talks to DH. She knows I'm there too.

OP posts:
Florencex · 31/08/2020 13:22

@mrsnec

He just thinks she obviously doesn't have anything else to spend her money on and she can do what she likes with it and is pleased his friend is so happy. She is also engaged to someone else who lives in another country and apparently can't get back there at the moment.

I was also considering sending her a message but I think that would make trouble too. I just can't believe she thinks it's ok.

Yes your DH is starting to sound odd now. Why on earth would he think she doesn’t have anything else to spend their money on other than a new boyfriend’s friend?

Her inviting new boyfriend’s friend to visit is also weird. Being engaged and having a new boyfriend (if I have read that correctly) shows questionable morals.

Everything is weird here.

lotsolove · 31/08/2020 13:23

she's invited DH to visit her when she works abroad but not me.

You should put a stop to this now!

Longwhiskers14 · 31/08/2020 13:27

It sounds a bit weird on the face of it, but your update changes things completely – she and your DH knew each other before this, having been colleagues 15 years ago, so they've reconnected as friends now that she's starting seeing mutual friend. Where's the harm in that? In that context I wouldn't be bothered – I'd only find it weird if he didn't know her and as a complete stranger she was sending him gifts.

I think perhaps you're reading too much into it.

Original poster
mrsnec · 31/08/2020 13:27

A while ago I offended the friend. He has a terrible track record with women and I called him out on it. I apologised at the time but DH says he's keeping me out of the conversations because he's worried I will upset them.

I'm not envious of her because I have a nice live and I think it's a toxic emotion anyway it's just that DH would normally put people like her in her place but he seems to be lapping it up and doesn't stand up for himself when she patronises him.

OP posts:
KeepingPlain · 31/08/2020 13:29

She's after your husband for her collection and from the sounds of it, she's got him already.

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