Would you have a problem with this?

[mrsnec]

DH has a friend I don't get on with. He has been seeing someone recently who is desperate to make an impression on his friends. She earns a lot more money than him.

We don't live near them but she's been sending my DH presents to try and impress him. Expensive booze mainly.

For some reason I am really uncomfortable with this and I don't know why. I got another delivery today and contemplated not signing for it. So AIBU?

@mrsnec

Even before this girl was on the scene DH told me he'd been confiding in his friends about the problems in our marriage. He was slagging me off for not putting out enough and told me I need to work on my techniques. It's difficult at the moment because I know they all use porn and I'm not keen on it. I don't mind as long as I don't know about it but I can't decide if in the evenings I should just send him off somewhere to sort himself out or put up with him wanting next to me while I'm trying to get to sleep.

He thinks it's totally normal to discuss sex with other people. And he's an extremely difficult person to argue with.

Jesus! OP LEAVE.

Next time you're in the group facetime I'd pull her up on it. 'Dh friend, shall we leave these two to it?! Your gf seems rather love struck with my OH!'

It's inappropriate of her and she needs to learn boundaries.

Or start doing the same, send equivalent gifts to your DH friend and ignore her on the calls. See what everyone thinks.

Yes the friend knows she's been sending stuff. He also has other friends near where he lives and she's taken them all out for drinks and dinner and paid for everything

She's buying people.
She's manipulating people......by forcing expensive 'gifts' onto them they become 'beholden' to her......the men love the attention.....and they get 'more protective' over the floozy than their own partners.

if i were you i'd start getting my ducks in a row - paperwork, passports, financial assets etc and then leave him asap.

Yep, seriously, forget the friend and the GF. They are so irrelevant.

Focus only on leaving your truly appalling H.

I didn't read any replies OP.

You seem unwilling to make any change. You obviously see and acknowledge the lack of respect and love in your relationship but until you want to make a change that will continue. If it's not this girl it will be another. Or more nights away.

You mention your DH friend being a bad influence on his kids. But your husband is just as bad if not worse. Leaving for 5/7 nights of a holiday?! Making their mum have unsatisfying sex and slagging her off for not wanting more. You have a role to play in that as well.

You owe it to your kids and yourself to end this relationship. I'm sure it won't be for a while but don't wait too long, you're wasting time you could be happy on this twat. Your husband is vile.

I smell bullshit. You don't send presents to men you aren't involved with.

@SBTLove

The alternative is being happy, regaining your confidence and self esteem and not being stuck with an ignorant selfish git for a husband. Being single isn’t some awful taboo thing.

Yeah. Have to say this is spot on.

That he sides with them on excluding you from Skype calls would be the dealbreaker for me.

@MsDogLady

Wow. What a trio. Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest. The dynamics here are seduction and manipulation and your H is lapping it up, all the while devaluing you. There’s no telling where it all might lead, but I wouldn’t stick around to find out.

That H has been discussing your sex life and criticizing you to others is utterly despicable, as is crudely telling you to ‘work on your technique.’ I don’t know how you can stand to look at him.

I would absolutely return with your parents. You and the children deserve better than this weak, sleazy man.

All of this.

If I left, I don't think he'd mind. I can't see him objecting to me taking the DC back to the UK.

This is the important bit. Never mind the rest of the sorry, sordid mess.

This is so weird. On one hand they are basically old friends if they worked together, but this is just weird, are you sure the friend is seeing her and that’s not a cover story and it’s not your husband and her who are reconnecting?

Thanks everyone. I am taking it all on board it's just a huge step and a scary one. Obviously I know it's not taboo to be single. I can think of a couple of single mums who are happier that way but it's been 16 years since I was single and I'm a different person now from back then.

I've tolerated the nights out and the weekends away for a bit because DH doesn't have nights out with friends here so to a point it seemed only fair but it's been a case of give him an inch and he takes a mile. On our last trip to the UK sleaze 1 wanted DH to stay with him for 5 nights out of the 7 again. DH went for 3, that involved him driving from Devon to Kent and sleaze 1wasn't happy about that. We didn't book a holiday as a family this year because I said I don't want sleaze involved.

You can still fly between here and the UK but sleaze is annoyed that there are restrictions in place because of covid. So he can't go clubbing or cross the border so I'm hoping he might cancel his trip. If not with cheaper accommodation in the big resorts I might suggest he books an apartment.

Floozy hasn't been around for the past couple of days. She's gone to stay with a friend apparently. DH still skyping sleaze daily despite the fact that we have a visitor. Our visitor also worked for the same company as DH, sleaze and floozy but doesn't remember her and doesn't want to get involved in the Skype calls.

DH and I have extremely complex financials. I know I need professional advice over this. My parents had an extremely messy divorce and my dad divorced twice, or tried to do believe me I do understand what is involved.