Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit funny about DH's comment

345 replies

redwinefine · 30/08/2020 22:15

This has been in my head all day and it may have been an off the cuff remark. Last night, DH and I were heading out for some (socially distanced) drinks with his friends. I was wearing a low cut dress and tights. When I came downstairs after getting dressed, DH said I looked fantastic but asked me to change. I asked why and he said 'because you look very booby and they're mine'. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he just looked at me. I changed for an easy life and nothing else was said about it. AIBU to feel a bit funny about his comment? BTW, very happily married, sometimes he makes comments about what I'm wearing e.g. 'that's very bright and colourful, just like you' but nothing like this.

YABU - it was a joky comment, get over it
YANBU - it's your body, dress as you want

OP posts:
Walkaround · 31/08/2020 09:06

@JulesCobb - I can’t comment on the appearance of an outfit I haven’t seen. I do also think there are double standards at play in male and female accepted standards of dress, in that what a woman could wear to work or church would not necessarily be seen as acceptable in a male equivalent!

lazylinguist · 31/08/2020 09:06

No one wants to look at sagging boobs spilling out of clothes whether it belongs to their partner their friends or a stranger?

Your comments were unpleasant, crude and ageist. A woman in her 40s or 50s has just as much right to choose what she wears as a woman in her 20s with a 'fantastic rack' Hmm. Other people don't have to choose their clothes on the basis of your judgment of the attractiveness of their body parts.

Walkaround · 31/08/2020 09:08

And, @JulesCobb, even worse, I think women “get away” with more, because men find it sexually alluring, so are happy to accept it.

Aweebawbee · 31/08/2020 09:08

I'm one of the 7%

If my husband got dressed to go out in trousers that I felt were inappropriately tight, showing his cock in full glory, I could see myself giving it a little pat and telling him to change.

He would probably be quite flattered if I was territorial about it too.

It might have been a clumsy way to phrase it, but maybe OP's husband was trying to protect her feelings.

JulesCobb · 31/08/2020 09:10

He would probably be quite flattered if I was territorial about it too. Envy - not envy

It might have been a clumsy way to phrase it, but maybe OP's husband was trying to protect her feelings By hurting her feelings?

burritofan · 31/08/2020 09:11

Personally I don't see what wrong with my comment and the uproar surrounding it? No one wants to look at sagging boobs spilling out of clothes whether it belongs to their partner their friends or a stranger?
Funny how you can’t see what’s wrong with your comment but your sight works perfectly when gawping at people’s bodies.

malificent7 · 31/08/2020 09:11

I never go round looking at men's crotches thinking phwoar even if they are wearing tight trousers with a large bulge!
This " being territorial" over someone's body is creepy.

lazylinguist · 31/08/2020 09:13

There is also a difference between aesthetically pleasing and sexually arousing which would be hard for someone to express in a non-offensive way.

It's funny how people are always making judgments about how sexually arousing women's appearance and clothes are. They should apparently be sexy (otherwise they're frumpy) , but not too sexy (otherwise they're tarty). But though they are sometimes judged on fashion sense, men's outfits seem to attract no moral judgment whatsoever. Personally I don't think that's ok.

Willow2017 · 31/08/2020 09:15

@ivfdreaming

Personally I don't see what wrong with my comment and the uproar surrounding it? No one wants to look at sagging boobs spilling out of clothes whether it belongs to their partner their friends or a stranger?
Jumping to conclusions much?

Judging by ops other posts she could have bern showing precious little skin but her dp thought it was too much. He is blatantly jealous and possessive.
Yet you have decided that op was going out with her "sagging boobs spilling out of her top" with no basis for it. Anyway here's the thing, it's not for you nor her dp to decide how any woman dresses HTH.
Your attitude to women stinks. Maybe just stop staring at women's boobs in future so you won't be offended by them?

Walkaround · 31/08/2020 09:17

@burritofan - to be fair, why bother about how you are dressed when going out to see other people if you don’t expect them to look at you? It is quite hard to have a conversation with someone with a bare chest without noticing the bare chest, whether they are male or female. Likewise, if someone chose to turn up completely naked, it would be very difficult not to be surprised and shocked by their choice of non-attire.

mintyfreshh · 31/08/2020 09:18

'He's lovely, he just gets jealous'

Jealousy isn't lovely. Jealousy is a sign of a lot of unpleasant stuff bubbling under the surface such as: wanting to control you, mistrusting you, belief that women are the property of men.

It's not JUST jealously. Jealousy is the manifestation of a lot of nasty shit.

FaffingForEngland · 31/08/2020 09:18

@ivfdreaming

Personally I don't see what wrong with my comment and the uproar surrounding it? No one wants to look at sagging boobs spilling out of clothes whether it belongs to their partner their friends or a stranger?
But why should anyone dress to appeal to what you do or don't want to look at? And why do you single older women out in such a nasty way?

I don't like looking at misogyny and ageism. Maybe you should stop wearing them. It's not an attractive look...

Walkaround · 31/08/2020 09:21

@lazylinguist - what a load of absolute rubbish that men’s clothes are always commented on neutrally. That is only the case it their clothes are neutral. I remember a lot of comments about sad “medallion men” in the 70s. Also a lot of comments about men strutting about lycra. If a male MP turned up in the House of Commons with a large expanse of his hairy chest exposed, you can be absolutely certain this would be a matter of comment.

WhatamessIgotinto · 31/08/2020 09:23

No one wants to look at sagging boobs spilling out of clothes whether it belongs to their partner their friends or a stranger?

@ivfdreaming so you could, you know, not look?

Benjispruce2 · 31/08/2020 09:28

Why does a man wear a low necked, skin tight T-shirt?

DontBeShelfish · 31/08/2020 09:33

Yeah, I wouldn't have liked it and I'd have worn it in spite of him. If it was constructive criticism then it would be different. My DP says "I've seen you in better", which usually means my mum tum is coming to the party too. He knows that would make me self-conscious if I noticed mid-evening.

I feel like you've minimised his behaviour throughout your posts, OP. I get that to you, his behaviour doesn't seem controlling or a red flag, but the fact you changed your clothes to avoid an argument means you've been conditioned to avoid the repercussions of his jealousy.

My DP has a hideous jacket he insists on wearing. When he asked my opinion on it I said he had other clothes that suited him better. He still wears the jacket. 😂 That's his prerogative.

Livelovebehappy · 31/08/2020 09:42

If the dress was very low cut then maybe he just dressed his comment up as jokey, but meant seriously, and thought the dress was too low. I’ve been for drinks with friends where their outfit has been very revealing, and I’ve inwardly cringed as obviously you’re judged by association. Some people lack self awareness with how they dress sometimes.

emilybrontescorsett · 31/08/2020 09:44

Can the partners of male cyclists have a word then. My eyes were sore yesterday from all the lycra clad arses and cocks on display. They were everywhere and we weren't on country roads we were in the town centre. They were posing loudly for photos, stood around gathering at coffee shops, zooming through the streets. All of them in skin right lycra stretched across their chests and genitals.

LEELULUMPKIN · 31/08/2020 09:46

Ugh! That's a really grim thing to say.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 31/08/2020 09:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Walkaround · 31/08/2020 09:48

@emilybrontescorsett- and some of them had forgotten to bring their bicycles with them Wink.

Benjispruce2 · 31/08/2020 09:52

People who wear skin tight or revealing clothing do so presumably because they want to show that part of their body to others. So if you don’t mind people looking (they will, it’s human nature) then go ahead but I think we should be considerate of our partners’s feelings.

Benjispruce2 · 31/08/2020 09:53

Cyclists wear Lycra for different reasons-DH is one!

Costacoffeeplease · 31/08/2020 09:54

I’d also be wearing it every day, even to take the bins out. He’s a cheeky fucker at the very best, but I’d be fuming and wouldn’t have changed just to make him feel better

IntermittentParps · 31/08/2020 09:59

'i think people are gathering because they're about to do the first dance. If you can tear yourself away, that is.'

Sometimes I will ask what I should wear between two options and he'll pick the more conservative

he expected me to change and he was waiting for me to do so

i feel like he would just dismiss it. When I called him out on the comment at the wedding, he said it didn't mean anything and to forget about it.

He's not a lovely man, OP.