AIBU to feel a bit funny about DH's comment

[redwinefine]

This has been in my head all day and it may have been an off the cuff remark. Last night, DH and I were heading out for some (socially distanced) drinks with his friends. I was wearing a low cut dress and tights. When I came downstairs after getting dressed, DH said I looked fantastic but asked me to change. I asked why and he said 'because you look very booby and they're mine'. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he just looked at me. I changed for an easy life and nothing else was said about it. AIBU to feel a bit funny about his comment? BTW, very happily married, sometimes he makes comments about what I'm wearing e.g. 'that's very bright and colourful, just like you' but nothing like this.

YABU - it was a joky comment, get over it
YANBU - it's your body, dress as you want

@ WhatamessIgotinto
sorry I forgot that every man married to someone on mumsnet is a massive controlling abuser who secretly fantasies about raping women. WHOOPS my mistake. I’ll make sure I LTB today!! God thanks so much for pointing this out, can’t thank you enough.

@seventhrow ah that's a real shame.
I thought you sounded perfectly sensible and capable of reasonable debate in your original post and then your response to me, even though I didn't agree with your point. It's always nice to be able to have discussions like that with other women. My mistake.

@SuzieCarmichael

I’d be wearing that outfit for the next week, tbh.

Moi aussi!

To the shops, to church, to stand and watch the kids on play equipment.

Course - it's academic with me because I have two fried eggs, but the principle is the important thing.

@ WhatamessIgotinto sorry maybe I misread your last post to me then! I read it as a rhetorical and provocative question, which perhaps was not the case.

@seventhrow

@ WhatamessIgotinto sorry I forgot that every man married to someone on mumsnet is a massive controlling abuser who secretly fantasies about raping women. WHOOPS my mistake. I’ll make sure I LTB today!! God thanks so much for pointing this out, can’t thank you enough.

Well does your partner/husband claim ownership of your body? Because that is what the OP's husband does.

Jelousy is not a 'cute' trait. It doesn't show how much someone loves you, just that they feel they have a right to have you.

I can be very much NAMALT, I have been accused of it on here multiple times but what the OP has said is concerning and people shouldn't encourage her to think it is normal.

Concerning; your justifications more so than his possessiveness tbh

I wouldn’t be wearing a dress with my boobs out for a drink with DH’s friends. That’s my decision though. Depends how he said what he said, was it jokey?

@redwinefine

A PP asked how long we've been together - years.

I'm taking on board what people are saying, but I've seen no behaviour that concerns me, it was the comment that they were his that I didn't like. Believe me, I would not normally kowtow/ change it was just that it was the first night out in months and I didn't want a bad feeling there.

The fact you had to come and ask us rather than talk it through with your husband is the problem here. He's jealous to the extent it dictates what you can and can't wear. And you don't feel able to address it with him.

I wouldn't be happy.

@ivfdreaming

Putting myself in his shoes I wouldn't be comfortable with someone staring at my wife's boobs all night? Friend or not? How old are you both OP? I mean if you are early 20s with a fantastic rack is a bit different to being in your 40/50s with sagging boobs down to your knees that are practically spilling out of a top? Maybe he was trying to find a nice way of saying put your boobs away 🤷‍♀️

Holy shit that comment is disgusting. How bloody dare you make a comment on which womens bodies are acceptable to be seen in public!

I think you should bring it up - quite calmly.

Tell him that you are disappointed about his comment last night. Point out that you do not belong to him, and that you are not an object. And that you find it quite disturbing that he seems to think that parts of your body belong to him.

If he dismisses it, then tell him you assume this means he acknowledges how ridiculous it is, and that he won't behave like a toddler calling dibs on a toy again.

You need to stamp on this behaviour, hard, every time he does it. At the wedding, saying he didn't mean anything by it - yes he did, he was passive aggressive and rude and he wanted you to feel awkward and guilty. Which is odd, because why would you want someone you love to feel like that?

@Benjispruce2

I wouldn’t be wearing a dress with my boobs out for a drink with DH’s friends. That’s my decision though. Depends how he said what he said, was it jokey?

I am 100% certain that the op would not have been sat in a bar with her boobs out. Because that never happens. Ever. Many women go out with cleavage showing. However, Im yet to see a woman in a bar with her boobs out. And I strongly suspect you havent either, but are choosing this language in your post to make the op’s clothing choice seem more extreme and inappropriate than it likely was. Or ever would be.

Also, if a man was staring at my breasts on a night out I was tell him to stop being a pervy dick and i would Expect my husband to tell him the same.

The outfit isnt the issue. The poor choice of male friends who find it acceptable to leer is the issue.

@ivfdreaming

What a pathetic comment, how rude.

Every post about his behaviour is worse than the last one op.

He us trying to control you and gaslighting you dressing it up as concern or a joke.
You look good in an outfit so may attract attention = change it you are mine.
Which outfit should I wear = he choses the plain more conservative one so you won't attract attention (in his eyes)
I am talking to another man = he sarcastically not jokingly moves you away from them to be 'with him' so everyone can see you are his.

Yet you keep making excuses. He has you blinded, none of it is normal it's all red flags.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life doing things to stop an atmosphere that HE causes when you dont obey him?
Have a good think about that.

By ‘boobs out’ I mean a certain type of top or dress that reveals a lot of boob.

OP, your opinion seems to be "He doesn't behave in a concerning way, he's just jealous". Do you think it's ok for him to be jealous when you've given him no cause to be? Because I think that is concerning and unacceptable behaviour.

Commenting that your boobs are his would have riled me for sure. I do find the argument that women should always just wear whatever they want when they want irritating, though. I would be embarrassed if my dh wanted to go out with me to see my friends wearing tight lycra shorts and a low cut t-shirt, for example, even if he had an amazing body and his outlined penis and testicles, and muscular chest, were Adonis-like.

Putting myself in his shoes I wouldn't be comfortable with someone staring at my wife's boobs all night? Friend or not? How old are you both OP? I mean if you are early 20s with a fantastic rack is a bit different to being in your 40/50s with sagging boobs down to your knees that are practically spilling out of a top? Maybe he was trying to find a nice way of saying put your boobs away

You picked your words well for your post didnt you?
Rack?
Sagging boobs?
Spilling out of your top?
How old are you? 12?

She can dress however she likes.
If your friends are so shallow that they stare at women's boobs all night then you need to.get new friends.
Her age has nothing to do with it.

Another person who thinks women should be controlled in public. Get over yourself.

@ivfdreaming

Personally I don't see what wrong with my comment and the uproar surrounding it? No one wants to look at sagging boobs spilling out of clothes whether it belongs to their partner their friends or a stranger?

The sensible reaction is to, I dont know, NOT look at the woman’s breasts, no?

There is also a difference between aesthetically pleasing and sexually arousing which would be hard for someone to express in a non-offensive way.

If it were me. I’d wear the dress again and if he makes the same comment look him in the eye and say actually they’re mine and wait til he looks away first or apologised

But then I get the feeling that my dh is very different to yours and that yours would react very differently

Only you know if it were a jokey comment or he was being serious

ivf well stop staring at people then, it's not difficult.

@Walkaround

Commenting that your boobs are his would have riled me for sure. I do find the argument that women should always just wear whatever they want when they want irritating, though. I would be embarrassed if my dh wanted to go out with me to see my friends wearing tight lycra shorts and a low cut t-shirt, for example, even if he had an amazing body and his outlined penis and testicles, and muscular chest, were Adonis-like.

But if you were meeting your friends while out cycling that sounds like an appropriate outfit. To go to church, it isnt.

Op sounded like she was wearing an appropriate outfit for the occasion and location. Which isnt the same as you example.

@PinkiOcelot

I would have answered actually they’re mine. And went out in the dress. I would never change my clothes because of a comment from DH.

^ This

Mmm...I will go against the grain and say lots of cleavage is inappropriate in any situation except when sunbathing or with a close partner. So I see his point but he shouldn't have made it about him.
I don't like low cut tops whatsoever though. If you're comfortable crack on.