SIL wants us to contribute to cost of holiday

[nervousnelly8]

MIL has a birthday coming up and SIL is taking her for a weekend away in a European city. SIL has asked DH and I to contribute to the cost of their trip "instead of buying a present that she won't want".

DH has asked my opinion. The amount that SIL is asking for is quite a bit more than we would usually spend on birthday presents, but it wouldn't cause us any great financial hardship to do it. My initial reaction is that she is being a CF to ask us to pay for their holiday and that DH should buy what he likes for his mum, AIBU?

I would give MIL the money to do as she wishes.
I wouldn’t be paying for any activity/meal for SIL. As it’s MIL’s birthday not hers.

I think it’s a great idea - but feel free to say no

Sounds like SIL is trying to make a lovely trip for her mother and your husband's mother. I'm guessing the OP would not want to go on the trip. So why not tell your husband he can give as much as he likes to his mother's lovely birthday trip. After all, it is his mother and presumably, he can give her whatever he feels he wants to give. As OP says...its not going to cause hardship.

Instead, maybe your DH can give your MIL some money to spend on her holiday as a gift?

@SallyB392

Why not get her a voucher (MiL), that she can use before she goes to have her hair or nails done or perhaps some spending money in Euros. Even better, if money isn't an issue and it's a special birthday a spa day for you and your MiL before she goes away, but ultimately if you want to avoid resentments, perhaps you could compromise, a smaller gift that you can give, perhaps things that go towards the holiday, a book with ideas of things to do or pay for a lunch on a boat along the Seine for your MiL& SiL, or just give SiL the money she wants but get DH to make it clear that you're not happy at being placed in this position.

This is DH’s present to his mum (he wanted to take her to afternoon tea), why are you making it into a spa day for DIL and MIL?

My SIL does something similar for my MIL’s birthday/Mother’s Day presents. My DH always pays half the cost of an activity for the two of them (MIL and SIL) to do together and it always occurs to me that SIL is only ever paying her own share of the spa day/lunch out/theatre etc visit while my DH pays for MIL but doesn’t get any of the enjoyment out of it. But he’s a bit lazy and unoriginal with gifts so it probably suits him to pay the share and have it sorted out for him 🤷🏻‍♀️

About 35 years ago it was coming up to MIL 60th birthday and I suggested to DH siblings that they all chip in the money to send her to visit her sister in Australia. Auntie had been there many years but MIL was a widow with 6 children(all grown up) and had never been able to afford to go.
Everyone loved the idea and as we had nearly a year to save it was doable. She was shocked on her 60th birthday when she was presented with her flight tickets and promptly burst into tears . The holiday worked because it was discussed and agreed upon not booked by one sibling and then coerced the others into paying a share. These things should be decided in advance

Please will people read the full thread, op updated two pages ago that sil hadn’t actually booked it yet thankfully and would be arranging their own gift
It’s easy to read all ops comments nowadays

rookiemere

It's a tricky one. It was rude of her to stipulate an amount, but the idea of contributing to it, rather than buying a present isn't a fundamentally bad one.

Nonsense - it’s a bloody cheek. SIL wants a jolly with her mum and wants you to part pay for it? Bollocks to that. And how dare she say that mil wouldn’t want whatever you choose to buy. I’d tell her to fuck off.

I’d chip in towards MILs cost or give her spending money but I wouldn’t cover SILs share.

If you MIL wants it/asked for it then I would do it otherwise get what you want (well dh)

Sorry this is extremely cheeky.

If it was presented as a family weekend away where everyone was invited but you could not attend then fair enough but otherwise no your SIL is just asking you to sub her jolly.

Buy your MIL a gift instead.

I was taken on a city break for a special birthday recently and I know people were asked to make a contribution INSTEAD of buying a birthday present. I've also made similar arrangements for other friends who also didn't want presents. Why not go with the flow here?

Just to make people aware of the handy funnel button to the top right which allows posters to see OPs posts. In this case there was a more than reasonable outcome at least a day ago.

Thread police alert! ⚠️ ⚠️