SIL wants us to contribute to cost of holiday

[nervousnelly8]

MIL has a birthday coming up and SIL is taking her for a weekend away in a European city. SIL has asked DH and I to contribute to the cost of their trip "instead of buying a present that she won't want".

DH has asked my opinion. The amount that SIL is asking for is quite a bit more than we would usually spend on birthday presents, but it wouldn't cause us any great financial hardship to do it. My initial reaction is that she is being a CF to ask us to pay for their holiday and that DH should buy what he likes for his mum, AIBU?

Rude
Maybe a gift of euros to MiL along with something for the trip - travel size toiletries or something?

Buy her something for the trip - spending money, vouchers for tourist attraction, passport holder etc.

Beware of sil seeing this as the way ahead..
Next year may be a week away with 50 % coming from you +dc's pocket.
Just say you have a gift in mind sorry.
Maybe if she had discussed it before booking..

I think that even buying something for the trip will make it look like he couldn't be bothered to think of a present and so piggy-backed off SIL's thoughtful idea.

So many replies in the time it's taken to get DS to sleep. To try and answer some of the questions:

It's a lot of money that has been suggested, which is why DH has asked my opinion. He would usually sort presents for his family and me for mine, but with this kind of amount we would always discuss.

DH was not involved in the trip planning, nor was he invited to go. Although in fairness, he probably would not have gone anyway as it is planned for less than a month before I am due with DC2.

SIL has been on furlough and the company she worked for has just gone into administration, so her financial circumstances have changed since she planned the trip. I have no idea whether or not she can afford to pay for the whole thing without our contribution.

DH is not a fabulous present buyer, he finds it stressful. He had planned to take MIL for an afternoon/evening out before the trip contribution came up.

@Riojasmoothy I'm sad to say I did! But it was over 10 years ago and I do love my little Bro. But I was very cross with my Dad.

Perhaps buy MIL a new bag to use on her holiday. SIL won't be able to complain about that.

If your DH wants to take his mother out for an evening, then he should do that instead. Not his job to fund his sister's trip. And it is his sister's trip.

I’d buy MIL something that she could use on the trip, a new case or weekend bag, leather passport case & luggage tag with purse to match, cosmetics bag & washbag filled with luxury items, there are lots of possibilities.

The trouble with just giving a contribution to the holiday is that MIL will inevitably look back on it as SIL’s gift, and however much you & DH donate will be overlooked.

SIL has got quite a nerve to ask you for a contribution, she should fund “her” gift herself. Were you ever invited on the trip @nervousnelly8?

So she books a trip as her birthday present to mum then asks you to chip in id say no an buy your own present. she should of asked before booking maybe all went together.

He had planned to take MIL for an afternoon/evening out before the trip contribution came up.

On the whole, I think this is more appropriate than bunging some money at SiL. But you revelation about SiL, presumably, losing her job does put a bit of a different slant on things. if the trip itself is in jeopardy and I knew MiL would actually love the trip, I might be more inclined to think it okay for DH to swoop in and save the day. I would probably want him to sit down with SiL and go over the trip budget, though. Ensure it really was in jeopardy and see if anything can be cut so we weren’t spending so much over budget unnecessarily.

@BoomBoomsCousin

He had planned to take MIL for an afternoon/evening out before the trip contribution came up.

On the whole, I think this is more appropriate than bunging some money at SiL. But you revelation about SiL, presumably, losing her job does put a bit of a different slant on things. if the trip itself is in jeopardy and I knew MiL would actually love the trip, I might be more inclined to think it okay for DH to swoop in and save the day. I would probably want him to sit down with SiL and go over the trip budget, though. Ensure it really was in jeopardy and see if anything can be cut so we weren’t spending so much over budget unnecessarily.

Yes, this is what I think too. Also figure out if she can’t afford the trip what the cancellation options are.

But agree if MIL would love the trip I’d fund it if I could.

I’m going against the grain and saying I think it’s a great idea. Your DH isn’t a great present buyer, and this saves him a load of effort. Your SIL has done all the planning and will take MIL on the trip. All you and your DH have to do is hand over the cash and take some of the credit. Ideally it could be earmarked for a specific bit of the trip, but even if not, then just saying what you’d paid towards it would be fine. I would love love love it is someone took the pressure off me in this way!

Why would MIL not want your dh's gift? Does he get her something horrid?

If your SIL didn't go, is there anyone else that your MIL could go with? Because the sticking point for me would be that SIL is going herself, that's what makes it a little tricky for me. If it was MIL and say her partner going then I can see the sense in everyone chipping in for the trip.

But the way you've said it here, SIL is going to get all the credit and your contribution will be forgotten/ignored ...

"instead of buying a present that she won't want"

who is she to decide????

I'd refuse to give the money - it would be paying for her holiday and she'd be swanning around milking it forever.
Maybe MIL doesn't want to go on holiday with sil?
Maybe MIL would feel VERY uncomfortable if she knew what SIL was saying and doing behind her back?

I'd say no and tell her you've already decided on your own thing within your own budget - you know, what with a baby on the way....

Leave it up to your Dh to decide , it's his Mum & Sister. Nothing to do with you really , unless you have to contribute from your own pocket.

@Refractory

I like the idea of euros - somehow converting pounds to another currency makes it a more acceptable gift than cash in my eyes. I won't say this makes any sense.

Strangely enough, I agree with you.

Are they sharing a room? That really does make it you paying for sil’s holiday IMO.

I dont always comment on CF threads, as there are so many. This is advanced level CF-ery though, so I had to pop my head round the door.

I think it's very rude to ask you

She's basically getting you to fund some of her own jolly. I'd say that you want to buy MIL a present instead and if she (SIL) doesn't like that, which I doubt she will, tough

Your SisterinLaw is a Cheeky Cow, it's a NO from me

how very rude of people to suggest it's nothing to do with you OP, they are cheeky fuckers, it's Family money right.

What will happen if the trip doesn't go ahead? Is the trip properly insured? No-one quite knows what will happen next with this virus. If DH makes a large contribution to the trip and then it gets cancelled, will you get money back or will MIL end up without a present, despite DH's large outlay? Does MIL know about the trip and is she happy to go, despite the virus situation?

If it's insured/money back guaranteed, and MIL is still happy to go, I would probably go with the contribution, especially with the situation with SIL's job

I never seem to be aligned with MN on these things, I would be happy to contribute to the trip if I had the money, I don't think it's CF to ask anyway. The mum gets her trip, you support the sister who's struggling financially, no need to spend time choosing a present, win win.

I’d say pay too unless you would take her yourself.

I’d be delighted to think she had a great trip and I would rather put hot pins in my eyes than do it myself.