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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you have a home that NO one visits - even in non pandemic times?

138 replies

SueEllenofDallas · 30/08/2020 11:14

We live approx 2 hrs away - in different directions - from both our families. We were always expected to visit them more often because we were the ones who moved away which we didn't mind but over the years their visits to us have dwindled to nothing. I'm not talking about frail parents but very active retirees and our siblings.

We don't have "couple" friends anymore, they just drifted away as our DC and theirs got older and filled their weekends with activities.

So I go out for dog walks/coffees with friends, DH meets friends at the pub once or twice a month but no one comes here and I've just realised how weird that feels.

Anyone else have a house that receives no visitors?

OP posts:

WhyIsItSoHardToPickAUsername · 30/08/2020 11:15

Do you invite people over?

Original poster

SueEllenofDallas · 30/08/2020 12:04

Family - yes but increasingly they say "it's so much easier for you to come to us!"

It isn't

Not having a pity party, just wondering if anyone else in the same boat.

OP posts:

sd249 · 30/08/2020 12:12

We have this. My parents visit once per year. DH Mum will never visit as we won't let her smoke in the house (fine in the garden but that's another story!)

We have friends but tend to see them out so very rarely have people here. We just like our own house so don't have dinner parties or anything.

Fleurchamp · 30/08/2020 12:13

Yes. My sister has been here a handful of times in the 10yrs that I have lived here. She visits her friend around the corner though.
She lives 45 mins away. I always have to go to her house, when I invite her there is always a reason not to come - she once said that it was too far to come once her kids are in bed, why didn't I come to her instead? She didn't seem to understand that, surprisingly , it is just as far for me to come to her.
She isn't the brightest spark.

Oldraver · 30/08/2020 12:17

"it's so much easier for you to come to us!"

What do you repky to this ?

OH has family 5 hours away, in the 10 years we've been here we have only ever had two visits, alwasy us going to them. We've given up now

We have my parents visit once a year but they may be barred due to my Mum getting drunk and being obnoxious

We have another friend that visits a couple of times a year

Isthisadaggerisee · 30/08/2020 12:26

No, may as well get a revolving door for our house, but that’s because we invite people over all the time, the kids brings friends home etc.
I was brought up like that in a strong community so it seems natural to me.

PoloNeckKnickers · 30/08/2020 12:29

I live a mile or so from my sister and have lived in my house for 24 years. She hasn't been over my threshold for at least 10 years but I go to her's once a week. It suits us. We never have visitors. EVER.

Hotelhelp · 30/08/2020 12:31

We’re a visitor free house and that’s the way I like it!

Ariela · 30/08/2020 12:31

I've never set foot in my oldest brother's last 2 houses, nor his current one. Only just over an hour away.

Funkyslippers · 30/08/2020 12:32

We don't really have people visit much, but at least that cuts down on the housework! I only do a deep clean when people visit!

The people that mainly visit are my 2 DD's friends. My closest friend has a lovely open plan living space so I tend to invite myself round hers, though she does come to me occasionally. I have some family but again I prefer going to theirs, and they don't seem to mind.

We have 1 couple that we see socially a couple of times a year, alternating between their house and ours. I spend the whole day before cleaning when they come, ha ha!

I do find it a bit weird that we don't have many visitors to our home when some people I know have visitors all the time

GisAFag · 30/08/2020 12:32

Never have people over, I go to them. Kids go and see friends. I hate others in my home even the yearly boiler check person irritates me being here. Then people use the loo and then I have clean it. No thanks.

psychomath · 30/08/2020 12:32

Yes, but it's my choice - I prefer visiting people to the hassle of tidying up etc. They'd come to mine if I invited them.

qwertypie · 30/08/2020 12:34

Our home is small and cramped so we tend to meet friends & family in their larger homes or elsewhere. It's demoralising not to be able to afford somewhere larger in the town we live in.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 30/08/2020 12:34

My sister is the one who travels to my parents house rather than us go to her. Very occasionally we go to her but my parents and DH, DD and I live 10 minutes apart but two hours from her. Makes sense for the two of them to drive to us than the five of us drive to them.

However, DH, DD and I drive to PIL because we live 2.5 hours away from them and their other children live much closer. Fewer people have to commute for ages.

It’s also to do with space. My parents and PIL have considerably bigger houses than us so there is space to host us all.

PawPatrolMakesMeDrink · 30/08/2020 12:38

We never have people over. My family is 60m away and OH’s family don’t give a shit about us.
I don’t really have any friends other than work colleagues. Certainly no mum friends.
I like not having people over though, my home is my sanctuary, it’s just ours.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/08/2020 12:38

Some of our family i think might tend to the "it's easier for you to come to us" (retired parents) but I want to host and I make it clear an invitation is an invitation to visit my home & I dont let myself be talked round. Obviously I visit them equally much but I dont allow a one sided pattern of me always travelling to them to develop.

Sanjii · 30/08/2020 12:39

us. I don't reallly have family. DH's are near and rarely visit (that is a good think).

We have 2dc one with severe autism. it killed off most friendships I had. Mum friends moved to to other mums with NT children as DS is struggling around other kids.

I know a lot if mums with children with SN make friends during coffee mornings in the SN parent support groups but as I work I can never attend. And the drain of working and caring took the better of me - I have zero energy to go out in the evenings to meet e.g. my childless friends so we became all distanced over time. Bottom line is that I am alone. I have a DH (marriage not great) but zero friends and support as I lost touch with everyone. I am used to it now and see it as a blessing. I don't have to keep up with anyone and just do my own little thing.

MangoM · 30/08/2020 12:40

OP, We have this same issue, it drives me mad that family nag us to go visit them (2 to 2.5 hours drive) but always complain that it's too far when we suggest they visit us.

On the occasions they do come, it feels like a tickbox exercise.

The excuse they've often used is that they've got kids and we accepted that at the time but now that we've got a baby they haven't extended that courtesy to us.

Heffalooomia · 30/08/2020 12:53

I tried to avoid being visited so my goal is to have a home that no one visits

FippertyGibbett · 30/08/2020 12:56

No one comes to my house and I like it that way 😉

nosswith · 30/08/2020 12:57

Family only, except for people such as an electrician when I need one. I know all the local coffee shops and pubs suitable for local meet-ups.

2pinkginsplease · 30/08/2020 12:58

DH and I are quite antisocial and prefer to do the visiting rather than the Hosting.

SUits us fine that no one visits unless it’s a rare occasion.

DSIL visits her mum who lives 2 miles drive from our home but would never think to visit,

Perro · 30/08/2020 12:58

We’re the same, and I like it this way. Having huests makes me feel really anxious both before and during their visit. DH would have friends over for dinner but I feel sick at the thought. My home is my retreat when the world feels too ‘peopl-y’

ssd · 30/08/2020 13:00

Yes and it suits me.

steakhousesally · 30/08/2020 13:02

We have been here 15 years and have had visitors once.

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