Do you have a home that NO one visits - even in non pandemic times?

[SueEllenofDallas]

We live approx 2 hrs away - in different directions - from both our families. We were always expected to visit them more often because we were the ones who moved away which we didn't mind but over the years their visits to us have dwindled to nothing. I'm not talking about frail parents but very active retirees and our siblings.

We don't have "couple" friends anymore, they just drifted away as our DC and theirs got older and filled their weekends with activities.

So I go out for dog walks/coffees with friends, DH meets friends at the pub once or twice a month but no one comes here and I've just realised how weird that feels.

Anyone else have a house that receives no visitors?

We don’t have people over but it’s because I’m too embarrassed about the state of our rented house. Whole place needs gutting, new kitchen, new bathroom, replastering, new floors, new windows etc as some of them have blown and have condensation inside the double glazing. Landlord won’t fix anything unless is literally disintegrated and is essential eg gas fire was condemned years ago and he has just left it insitu. Problem is rent is cheap as he hasn’t put it up, anywhere else is twice the price which when we are trying to save for a house seems silly and can’t save enough money for a deposit, especially now LTV ratios have increase.

We had to move 5 hours away for work. We have repeatedly invited family but they claim it is easier for us to visit. It isn't as we have a spare room and we are expected to sleep on sofas when visiting them. It has now got to the point that we haven't visited for a long time as I feel hurt that they choose not to make the effort.

We do have friends over occasionally but I do prefer meeting people for dinner etc.

I was wondering about this too op and always feel really awkward about it but don’t want to! My dh comes from a country in which it’s really normal to have people over for coffee or food and it’s really lovely. Really like that aspect of his culture.
Where I am now it’s not as common, people seem way more likely to have family over but ours live at a distance...
I always feel a bit awkward inviting people over but it’s always lovely when they are here ....don’t get invited a lot back though!
I do have friends from uni and they regularly invite us around for dinner /drinks but they are all childless at the moment so it’s always said with a “if we have a babysitter” and they aren’t child-friendly events anyway...
I don’t know, it weird asking another couple and kids over for lunch sometimes ?

I think also the way society is going with covid it could be nice to socialize more in houses..

We used to have lots of people over all the time, but since my marriage breakdown became obvious, I've not wanted people over - hate playing happy families with H .

Then I noticed how much cleaner and nicer other peoples houses were and I felt there were very few people I'd feel relaxed with coming in.

Final nail in the coffin front door, our dog is a bloody nuisance so I'm reluctant to spend a visit managing him, or sending him to my neighbour to look after. So its been a gradual decline of visitors.

No one visits me. I don't have any friends. My siblings live with my parents so it makes sense for me to visit the 9 of them rather than them come here, where they wouldn't all fit. FIL is scared of the dog, MIL is scared of the snake, SIL is scared of germs and is convinced no house with pets is safe for DN.

DC used to have friends over but we live right in the middle of the town centre (literally I can see the high street, shopping centre etc from my window) so they tend to go out these days instead, friends might pop in to use the loo or wait if it's a long time to the bus home but never stay for a proper visit.

We have lived in our home for 26 years and only had 2 visitors during that time. (With the exception of anyone concerning our now adult dd as she has sld so lots of social workers, potential teachers etc. Over the years.).

The 2 visitors are DH's sister who lives 3 hours away and my friend who lives the other side of the city but formerly ndn, (She had to downsize following divorce. ☹️)

We lost many friends in the years our dd still lived at home which was understandable as she could be violent and destructive but, tbh, we prefer it this way now. We have a lovely life and don't really have time for friends to be truthful.

Forget to add, I am NC and have been for many, many years with my family and DH only has his siblings alive who all live at least 3 hours away.

I live local to my close family and they never want to visit because parking is horrendous.

Haven't had friends over for years but it got difficult as I was living in an abusive relationship. Now I am divorced it doesn't really occur to me to invite friends over after being in the mindset of not being able to for so long.

I tell the kids they can have friends over. Which happens now and then. But one of my dc is embarrassed because they feel I am poor so said they will never have friends here.

My brother and I are v low contact, so he doesn’t get invited.

I am close to cousins back in my home town (70miles away) but always seemed to visit them. A couple of years ago, I realised I needed to specifically invite them rather than just saying you must come to us sometime! They did both come - one in early January for a day trip (I knew they did day trips to his nephew, who lives further from them!), the other came for coffee when staying not far from us. Both said they will come again but Covid has obviously killed that for the time being.

PIL come at Christmas or NY in normal times, and other times eg DH 50th, as do DH’s sister and his uncle. All live 3+ hours away, we do see them at other times, eg just had a holiday where his parents joined us for part of it.

One year we had a family get together an hour from us but my DS couldn’t go as working. On the Monday, PIL were travelling to SIL to pick up their dog for dog sitting (despite saying they were past dog sitting when we got ours a couple of years earlier ☹️☹️). Their route took them within 5 miles of our house, I suggested they came for coffee or lunch to see DS (Who they hadn’t seen for nearly a year) - they “didn’t think it would be possible.“ I leave invites to DH now!

We invite couple friends for meals, but not many need to stay overnight.

We live just off a main motorway, so sometimes will host friends or family on stop-offs, but don’t get many requests!

I don’t mind hosting in short bursts or for Xmas, but am not bothered otherwise.

This thread has really shocked me...I find it sad that many in here don't have visitors and the fact that they are quite happy for it to be like that.

I tell the kids they can have friends over. Which happens now and then. But one of my dc is embarrassed because they feel I am poor so said they will never have friends here.

That’s a disgusting thing for a child to say to their mother. What age is your child?

We're the opposite. We have people here a lot. We have forged a bit of a reputation as good hosts, my dh loves cooking and we both love a house full. There is an expectation, especially from friends, that we have regular dinners and parties.

To me, having a house without frequent visits from friends and family would be a sad and lonely one.

@butterpuffed why is sad that people are happy not to have people over? I’m not a naturally outgoing person, I’m much happier in my own company or with DP and the kids. I don’t want to be around other people on the regular. I have a busy job and all the life admin to undertake, adding in having the effort and expense of having people round is something I can well do without.

@butterpuffed the ones who say they don't like visitors are probably the same ones that complain that grandparents aren't interested and never visit. When you never get invited to someone's house (even close family) a barrier/distance goes up over time and you assume that they don't want a close relationship.

I have to invite SOMEONE around at least once a week or I would never do any housework. I only clean when I know people are coming and if nobody ever visited I would disappear in a crapheap of my own making.

@LillianBland
13 but has asd which might have bearing on it as only sees black or white in situations. It is one of the milder things she has said to me in a tone of contempt regarding my financial situation. Brings it up in conversation most days.

Fuelled possibly because my exh said in a cruel tone before he left that I will not be able to manage financially without him. He said this in front of the dc.

I have however managed without him living with us. Obviously it is fairly tight money wise though.

Yep, my sister in law has never been to my house. Lived in it for 2 years, it's 40 minutes from their house. Their house is bigger, it's nearer my parents, they have more children than we do, but still. Rude I think.

No visitors here. I loved it when DC were young and there was a constant stream of children and their parents visiting.
My parents and DHs parents all dead, only other family come once at Christmas. We have two DC who visit often but that's it.
I have just never managed to have the sort of friendships where people visit. Iknow people like that - extrovert social types who entertain a lot and wish I could be more like that.

@ohthegoats have you invited her and she refuses? if so, that is rude. Otherwise she might just be waiting for you to invite her.

I live about an hour and a half from my family, and have for 7 years now. My sister has been here twice, both times I went to collect her and drove her back too. My mum has been here 3 times, twice driven by me, and once on the train ( I collected her from the station).

I visit my sister monthly at least, and my mum fortnightly.

They've always used the excuse that it's easier for me to get to them because I drive and they don't, but even when I didn't have a car and my sister did, I got trains, buses and taxis to visit. My sister lives a 5 minute walk from a direct line train station, which takes less time than my car journey.

It really does make me angry and upset sometimes. They'll happily call me and ask if I'm visiting that weekend, so it's not that they don't want to see us, they'd just rather all the effort (and expense) was on my end. Of course, when I do visit them, I'm usually a taxi service to run their errands, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I love hosting, so it really does bother me sometimes how little opportunity I have for it. My sister in law does visit, but she spends most of her time sneering at our decor, furniture or the bit of child clutter etc. She thinks I don't notice, but I do, which makes her visits less happy for me and don't really scratch the itch.

If you are not keen on having visitors to your home then it's probably a good thing - I like having visitors so I'm cross that family never make the effort to see us, even when they are vaguely close and could call in.

I had a fab night with friends last night, and it's brought home even more that both sides (mine and DH's family) seem to have us at the bottom of their list. OTOH I'm getting so pissed off about it now that I'm less likely to make the effort myself which probably isn't going to improve the situation!

@butterpuffed

This thread has really shocked me...I find it sad that many in here don't have visitors and the fact that they are quite happy for it to be like that.

Why do you feel the need to be sad for other people who are perfectly happy with their choices?

It comes across as quite superior and patronising. I'm perfectly happy not having any visitors - you don't to be all sad about it, thanks.

*Family - yes but increasingly they say "it's so much easier for you to come to us!"

It isn't*

Depends on perspective; it is easier for them if you said no, would they just never see you?

We have a largely visitor free house and I love it, much prefer seeing people in their homes and being able to politely leave when I've had enough. DH and I both come from families who like to entertain rather than visit so it works well all round.

Thanks for replies.

I don’t know, it weird asking another couple and kids over for lunch sometimes?

No, not at all! And lunch is so much less formal than dinner.

I understand why this is weird op, we are very sociable and host often, we had guests last night. Why don’t you invite some of your friends over?

I might just do that Bluntness I'm not very sociable so wouldn't like people round too often but I do miss the nice buzz visitors bring, enjoying a simple meal with them and the satisfied feeling when I've waved them off.