Why are some people so rude about people still living with their parents past the age of 20?

[Tummmmm]

Is this not normal in some areas?
In my area, this is completely normal. Most of my friends are mid 20s and still live at home with their parents.
The only people I know who have managed to move out are those who have had children or those in a couple who are renting together.

My boyfriend and I are 26 and living with our parents to save for a deposit. Our parents are both happy with this situation and we're not "lazy", 'immature" ect. I help around the house, look after my sisters and he does the same.

We are hoping to have the deposit sorted by next year.

But i'd never look my nose down at someone living at home with parents. Many of my friends are just saving up for a housing deposit.

I think many people forget that moving out is not as cheap or easy as it was years and years ago.
My parents had moved out by 17 but they understand that these days it's not so straightforward.

YANBU I don't understand it either.

Each to their own.

I think it is odd, i couldn't imagine still living with my mum past 20yo.

I don't understand why people don't want to move out to start theit own lives.

@WorraLiberty exactly! in my opinion, it is nobody's business. As long as we have a lovely home, does it matter who actually lives in the house? Just always be thankful youre not homeless.

@Lazypuppy but why is it odd just because you did it?
Many people are still living their lives, have jobs, studying ect. but they just happen to still live at home.

@Lazypuppy sorry I meant why is odd that just because you wanted to move out past 20 that other people don't want to and would rather save or whatever else their reasons are? Maybe they just don't have the funds to move out. Houses are not as cheap as they used to be

@Lazypuppy

I think it is odd, i couldn't imagine still living with my mum past 20yo.

I don't understand why people don't want to move out to start theit own lives.

Because some people can still start their own lives whilst living at home.

My friend's DD for example still lives with her parents. She's married with 2 DC and they all live very happily together.

One of my work colleagues has her DD and her Fiance living with her and they all live happily together too.

Also, in some cultures it's the norm.

There are plenty of reasons. As long as everyone's happy, there's nothing to understand really.

I moved back in with mine in my 30s after suffering from such bad depression living alone that I didn’t want to live anymore. I helped them with everything (cooking, cleaning, etc) and just living with family really helped. It’s so nice to have people who care about you to come home to. But yes people are very cruel and judgemental. Laugh in your face. Adults living at home (and paying their way) are seen as the lowest of the low, even if they are helping care for elderly parents etc. They are always fair game for criticism on here.

Because a huge number of people define their own success by sneering at others they feel have failed.
So they need to be able to point at weirdos and give their opinions.
I class them in the same league as WVM yelling ‘Oi, you’re an ugly cow ‘

I left home at 18, my children live at home, as do their cousins.
Starter flat in our area is £180,000. House share around £600 pcm without bills.

@EleanorOalike nothing to be ashamed of at all! And you sound like a lovely person.
It just seems a judgemental attitude. If all members of the household are happy then what does it care if you live with your mum and dad rather than house sharing with Nick and Bob?

Benefits to both of course but I am very happy with my living situation.

I left home at 18 to go to university and never went back. After uni I rented and then bought a house (100% mortgage), but things are very different now. Houses are far more expensive (in relation to wages ) and you need a much bigger deposit.
My dd is back home after uni, she is working and saving and living her life. I am happy that she can live here cheaply and save for a deposit. Most of her friends are in the same situation.
Our relationship has changed now she is an adult and we all help and support each other - we also get on each other’s nerves at times- we’re not the Brady bunch!

I would rather mine stay and saved to get enough that when they leave they can make a good go of it rather than coming and going because of crippling rents.

@Cattiwampus exactly. It doesn't take much to understand that housing is ridiculously hard to get on the ladder atm.
Much more people in their 20s are living with their parents these days and it doesn't take a lot of brain work to realise why.

Just because my mum and dad had moved out by the time they were 18, doesn't.mean I should feel ashamed because I havent. I'm just glad I have understanding parents.

People can be so judgemental, I moved out in my early 20s, even after my exh Cheated and walked out, but after I was raped in my home I suffered from sleep hallucinations and used to barricade the doors at night, I was completely safe just suffered with insomnia because of it. It was recommended moving back home for my health.
Funnily enough when people judge me and I answer with that, they seem to go quiet.
People need to learn not to judge others on their choices

YANBU, people don't realise how expensive the cost of living & housing is these days. I left home at 18 when I moved away to uni & moved into a flat when I got my first job, but that was 17 years ago. I would have no issue with my children living with me past 20 if that's what was best for them - there are pros to it like being able to save.

You're planning to move out at some point though and are making progressive steps toward that, that's not odd.

I think people think it's odd when you have NT, able bodied adults still living at home with absolutely no plans whatsoever to move out at some point. Someone I went to school with, now aged late 30s, still lives at home and has never lived independently. She says she prefers living at home because she doesn't have to cook, doesn't have to clean, doesn't have to pay any utility bills, and it only costs her £100 a week in board. Sounds great on paper but in reality she is very immature, has no clue about the real world or how to manage on her own, and the dynamic between her and her parents is still very much that they are the adults and she is the child which frankly is odd.

I have two disabled children, one of whom will likely always need some degree of supported living, and one of the central considerations in caring for them is providing an appropriate degree of independence. Not encouraging independence does children - and the adults those children become - a disservice as it fails to give them the tools they need to get on in life.

Well, there is no need to be rude however moving out and becoming independent has always been understood as part of the normal move into adulthood. It takes a certain maturity to run your own household and manage your bills. There is also that maturity in realising that you cannot expect to move out of your parents home into the perfect show home, that you may need to make do in the short term and build up to your ideal home. There is so much learning you can't do whilst living with your parents.

@ludothedog yes I agree about independence but most young people can't afford the prices hence why staying at home with parents and saving seems to be the most appealing option.

It is so hard to get on the housing ladder these days and even renting can be expensive (well in my area anyway).

In fairness though mine can live at home with a double bedroom, not sure I would feel the same if there was shared rooms or sofa sleeping. I also do not plan to charge other than an agreed savings plan. I can see why some could think of nothing worse than living in their parents home and receive little benefit from doing so.

I agree op. TBH I always found it a little odd that other people couldn't wait to leave home but each to their own.

@Doingitaloneandproud so sorry to hear that! You find the ones who judge are the ones who easily managed to get a house. Those who know the struggle would never judge those who still live with parents.

YANBU
In real life many people are close to their families and want to stay home, start work, see friends, have some good holidays, save up etc.

In Mumsnetland everyone goes to a RG uni, then starts their amazing career whilst renting and has bought a house by age 25.

“Because a huge number of people define their own success by sneering at others they feel have failed.”

This.

I moved out at 17 and couldn’t wait to leave. But the world is different now. It’s so expensive to buy a house and more and more people will rent throughout their whole lives. Better to pay cheaper rent at your parents place if that works for all parties.

Generally i dont see an issue if the person has a plan and is contributing, however the two people i know doing this (BIL and girlfriend) say they're saving for a house but imo aren't really doing all they can and i think stay at home because they have it so easy. He gets his dinner cooked, clothes washed and ironed, isn't expected to do anything except pay a small amount of rent. They both save into an ISA for a house deposit yet he can afford to take her away for weekends, go to the pub, buy new clothes. She paid for a car outright, buys new clothes and beauty treatments. Im not saying you shouldn't be able to have a life but they're certainly not frugal and could save more. They also plan on buying together even though they've never lived together which personally i would not do. They been saving for 3/4 years in an area of the UK which isnt that expensive. They want to buy a 'forever' home instead of a starter home, I suppose im just very different as i couldn't imagine anything worse than living with my parents

In many cultures around the world it is normal for adult children to live with parents, only moving out once married. It makes sense economically and also environmentally. In the west there is a strange feeling that once a person is 18/21 they should leave home. Maybe 30 years ago this was possible, but right now it is impossible to afford a first home without parental support. YANBU.

[quote Tummmmm]@Doingitaloneandproud so sorry to hear that! You find the ones who judge are the ones who easily managed to get a house. Those who know the struggle would never judge those who still live with parents.[/quote]
Thank you, I just think it's crazy for people to judge others life choices, I do think that if an adult lives at home they should help with cleaning/washing/rent/food etc if they are able too. But it makes total sense to me to stay at home for a bit longer, save a deposit that means for a slightly smaller mortgage