Why are some people so rude about people still living with their parents past the age of 20?

[Tummmmm]

Is this not normal in some areas?
In my area, this is completely normal. Most of my friends are mid 20s and still live at home with their parents.
The only people I know who have managed to move out are those who have had children or those in a couple who are renting together.

My boyfriend and I are 26 and living with our parents to save for a deposit. Our parents are both happy with this situation and we're not "lazy", 'immature" ect. I help around the house, look after my sisters and he does the same.

We are hoping to have the deposit sorted by next year.

But i'd never look my nose down at someone living at home with parents. Many of my friends are just saving up for a housing deposit.

I think many people forget that moving out is not as cheap or easy as it was years and years ago.
My parents had moved out by 17 but they understand that these days it's not so straightforward.

When I was 20 (in 1980) no way would your parents have let you have a boyfriend/girlfriend stay over, so if you wanted a sex life you had to move out

I grew up in the late 60s/early 70's @Fairyliz, and was going to say the same. With us it was drugs, as well though. If you wanted to smoke a joint, you had to go for a walk!

I left home at 19 and never went back, and most of my friends had left by the time they were 21. The one that hung on till her mid-20s saved like made and was the first among us to buy a place.

@Lazypuppy

I think it is odd, i couldn't imagine still living with my mum past 20yo.

I don't understand why people don't want to move out to start theit own lives.

It's great that at 20 you could earn enough to afford a private rental or had brought your own house, but I wonder how long ago that was and where you live? For most 20 year olds these days there's no chance of a mortgage without a massive can donation by parents and private rents are crazy high esp for single people

I'm 28 and live with DP and a mortgage. I lived with my parents for 2 years post-uni and they were the longest 2 years of my life. Looking back, I'm not sure why I stayed. Failure to launch, as a pp said upthread perhaps.

I have friends who still live with their parents. All apparently saving for a deposit for a house. However, only one, in my opinion, is taking this task seriously. She's buying alone and keeps getting outbid in Sheffield, where the house prices are going insane for some reason.

One spent £50,000 CASH on a wedding, so now the house deposit pot is zilch. However, he's very happy to carry on living at home with his wife, mum, sisters and BIL. They have the attic floor to themselves so it's almost like an apartment, I suppose.

One went on a lot of holidays before Rona and pampered a lot. So difficult to save up!

Another one had her fiancé move in and then they had 3 kids and it was so convenient to have mum help out because babies are hard work.

I have to say the relationships look immature to me, as an outsider. Arguments with parents about what time who comes home and who didn't do the hoovering

Also I don't understand how people can have sex in the same house as their parents. I think I would die from embarrassment.

I have advised my children to come back home after uni to save to buy their own place. I envisage that they should be able to move out by about 25/26. They would be foolish not to come home and save money when the offer is there.

I don't get why there is such criticism for young adults living in the family home when we all know that it's expensive to get your own property.

For me, they would be foolish to restrict themselves to their parents' home area at a time when they're pursuing their first graduate jobs, and are probably not tied by a spouse's job or childrens' education, and are free to go where the most interesting work opportunities are.

Op I lived at home at your age. I went to University and would have moved out afterwards but my relationship feel apart asking with my mental health (related but not caused by). I couldn't afford the deposits plus furniture plus bills on my own. I paid 1/3rd of the bills (3 adult house) which made it even harder to save. We worked opposite shifts so I was home alone week day nights and normally away volunteering weekends. When I moved out I was working 2 jobs as well as volunteering virtually every weekend on a community project and working for Samaritans. I'd been on holiday alone, done some travel with university, budgeted as financially I was basically in a houseshare, cooked my own meals, did my own washing done etc. This idea that because I loved at "home" I was some irresponsible, immature, feckless waster is ridiculous.
O lived alone before I got with DH and I'm glad o had that time alone but I didn't need to live off beans scraping by in some damp flat to make me a grown up.

You do you

I'm 25 and still live at home along with my 5 year old DS.

The way my mam sees it is why move out and rent, and then end up back at home again to save for a deposit, when I could skip that step and save for a deposit from the offset?

Besides, rent in relation to wages atm, especially where I am is astronomical.

Me and DS would starve to afford the rent.

Also I don't understand how people can have sex in the same house as their parents. I think I would die from embarrassment.

^ so true, either having sex in your parents house or not having sex whilst living in your parents house, both crap scenarios

@CerealBeacon. Well if a graduate job came in another city (or even another country) then yes obviously they would go for it if it was right for them. We do live on the outskirts of London though so there are (in normal times not COVID-19 times) usually plenty of opportunities.

@Tummmmm "I live in a lovely house and that's all that matters" sounds pretty self absorbed to me! I just think some people don't think about the parents enough in this kind of situation, too busy thinking about appearances instead. And whilst your parents might be happy, plenty wouldn't be, and I guess that's where some judgement can come from.

After seeing it mentioned again. I finally looked up what an RG uni is...yes. I didn't know. Nor did I care. But it turns out I went to an RG university

Every day's a school day.

Multigenerational homes were the norm in my husband’s country. Not for any idealistic reasons or due to strong family ties or whatever the rosy interpretations might be. People lived with their parents because there was no other option. In many cases, this living situation did not result in family harmony or a lovely dynamic of shared responsibilities and mutual support. Far from it. Many young people were desperate to leave their parents’ homes but were genuinely stuck. There were a lot of hasty marriages since that was one way to get a place of one’s own.

Things are different in DH’s country now. I find it interesting that multigenerational households are far less common now that young people have more options available to them. The idea that only the British reject such setups certainly hasn’t been true in my observation.

I'm mid thirties with a dh and 3dc and we live with my parents. We have done now for 10 years or so. To begin with it was because we fell on hard times with redundancies and had to sell our home. Now, it is a life style choice. It doesn't work for everyone but for us it does. We both work, pay our way and in most respects live quite separately to my parents. They love watching their grandchildren grow and equally the children love always having someone around. Luckily we have quite a large house so it works well.
I'm sure I have friends who don't get my setup but it's none of their business and I don't pass judgement on how they choose to live their lives.

@firstimemamma

I'd like my son to move out in his late teens or early twenties with the absolute cut off being 25 but I'd never judge / be rude about other people's situations (don't care & nothing to do with me anyway).

Ds is 2 so all still ages away!

Given the way house prices Vs wages go, what if he can't afford to rent let alone buy at 18? What if he is made redundant at 24? You'd rather see him in a hostel than in your home last his birthday?

@RottenTomatoes959

I'm 25 and still live at home along with my 5 year old DS.

The way my mam sees it is why move out and rent, and then end up back at home again to save for a deposit, when I could skip that step and save for a deposit from the offset?

Besides, rent in relation to wages atm, especially where I am is astronomical.

Me and DS would starve to afford the rent.

I'm sure there's some on here who would think starvation preferable to anyone getting parental support past their 18 th birthday.

IMO if you live with parents there should be an exit plan - like you are doing OP. Just living with them with no plan to leave as an oversized child into you twenties is a waste of your own life really.
Paying your own way in life, making mistakes and learning from them does make you grow up in a way that having parental support in terms of housing to fall back on doesn't. Best of luck with your deposit

@caringcarer

My sons have never left home. We had a loft conversion made with 2 enormous rooms and a shower room to share. They are 33 and 25. They do their own laundry and change their own sheets and each son cooks one night each week. They have their own privacy and are saving deposits and we get along just fine. I find it odd and sad when parents and adult children no longer get along.

I don’t think it’s because they don’t get on necessarily but the adult child wants freedom and to move on to the next chapter of their lives.

There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s healthy. Living at home at 33 imo a bit strange They’ve been an adult for 15 years! They’ve had 15 years to save up. Surely they should have enough money to buy a house outright, if the reason they are staying at home is to save for a deposit.

I know many women that would be put off if they found out the guy they were dating was still living at home at 33. It would be a straight no. Then the cycle continues...

Nothing wrong if after uni you moved back home to live with your parents to save for a deposit for a house.
So lets say abwrage age to finish uni is 21 if by 27 your still at home and not buying there is a problem. Thats 6yrs of saving for a deposit! No excuse really.

I'm indian and currently looking for a partner except alot of single men I mert at the age of 37 are living with their parents. Absolutely 100% no go will I even consider them....and yes typical Indian men too who don't do much around the house and their mum is doing it for them. No thank you! They don't even have a good reason other than its just cheaper and they come home after work to yheir mums cooking. Yes thats what quige a few have said to me.

@RottenTomatoes959

I'm 25 and still live at home along with my 5 year old DS.

The way my mam sees it is why move out and rent, and then end up back at home again to save for a deposit, when I could skip that step and save for a deposit from the offset?

Besides, rent in relation to wages atm, especially where I am is astronomical.

Me and DS would starve to afford the rent.

I might be missing something but if someone couldn't afford rent and bills and food, I would assume their wages won't be high enough for mortgage so it's not really the saving for deposit, but rather affordability of separate living. Which is fine btw. Anyone can be in that situation.

Maybe people move in different circles and can't relate? I'm thirty and I can't name one person in my circle of friends who lived with their parents well into their twenties, maybe the occasional "my landlord has given notice can I stay for a bit?" But not as a semi permanent solution. Lots of dodgy house shares though! Living with my folks would have been nicer in terms of accommodation but not sure who would have driven who mad first. I'm in awe of adults who live with their parents... it's just mind blowing to me and I couldn't do it.