Why are some people so rude about people still living with their parents past the age of 20?

[Tummmmm]

Is this not normal in some areas?
In my area, this is completely normal. Most of my friends are mid 20s and still live at home with their parents.
The only people I know who have managed to move out are those who have had children or those in a couple who are renting together.

My boyfriend and I are 26 and living with our parents to save for a deposit. Our parents are both happy with this situation and we're not "lazy", 'immature" ect. I help around the house, look after my sisters and he does the same.

We are hoping to have the deposit sorted by next year.

But i'd never look my nose down at someone living at home with parents. Many of my friends are just saving up for a housing deposit.

I think many people forget that moving out is not as cheap or easy as it was years and years ago.
My parents had moved out by 17 but they understand that these days it's not so straightforward.

I would struggle to pay my rent if my adult son didn’t live at home and contribute. I know other women in the same position.

Renting is not "pissing money up against a wall" its providing for yourself a safe place to live. That's what adults do. I don't see how that is wasting money.

I don't know.
I don't really care what other people do. It's not my business at all.
I know someone who was still living at home in their late 20s/early 30s. They appeared "normal" but had been abused financially by a relative when they were late teens, so had quite a lot of debt and stress.
Things aren't always clear cut and simple.

I left at 19 and have never went back, but didn't manage to buy my own place until I was 35. Each to their own though, living with my parents longer wasn't for me but it works for others so fair enough.

I would start to be a bit if someone without requirements for additional care was still living at home over 30, but can't really explain why.

@workhomesleeprepeat Moving out doesn't guarantee the end of that though. I dated a guy in his late 20s who lived in his own flat but his Mum popped round every day to do his dishes and laundry

That relationship came to a swift end shortly after I'd stayed at his one day on a weekday off and she let herself in while I was lounging in his bed

My home with DH (wherever that may be) will always be a home for our DC...even if they've grown up, married and got a mortgage of their own.

Multi-generational houses were very common before. I think they could be part of our expensive future and good for child and elder care as well as greener living.

Our home just now, though a squash and a squeeze, will suit our DC even when they are adults. I hope they stay as long as they need and want to. They'll be welcome.

It's either move out and pay off someone else's mortgage via renting or live at home for a bit cheaper and save up and try and buy a house of your own for the future, it is not like 10+ years ago where the average house was 4 times the average wage, housing market is out of reach for many, unless you have a rich mummy and daddy who will pay for your house then living at home is the only way to save, nobody wants to live at home but have to sacrifice in order to get their own place.

I'm 24 and I bought my house 4 years ago when I was 20 with 0 help from my parents.

However I still agree with you OP. I bought with my (now ex) partner so it was two incomes rather than one.

I actually wish I hadn't moved out so young. I'd always wanted to settle down young so rushed into it, and after a couple of years my relationship ended.

It's rather lonely living in the house by myself and I go to my parents every day and have most mealtimes with them. My mum also comes over often and helps me with some of the boring household stuff that I keep putting off .

So yes I agree with you. There is a bias on here but you're doing great, if everyone is happy then why should it matter what anyone else is doing.

Maybe if we went back to more multi generational living there wouldn’t be such a housing crisis

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/feb/08/million-more-young-adults-live-parents-uk-housing

If you are living at home to save up for a deposit then fair enough. If you are living at home, paying fuck all to your parents and driving around in a brand new Golf GTI while spending £100 plus on a night out twice a weekend then you are taking the piss in my opinion.

Last year there were 7..yes 7 adults in my (not very big) house..aged between 22 and 27
DS1..and fiancee
DD2...and fiance
DS2
(DH and me)
We live in Oxfordshire and none of them could afford to buy. So they stayed with us and saved...renting is pointless when its more than a mortgage!

DS1's finacee had to go back to Oz after 2 years with us as her visa ran out. She worked here, paid taxes here.. they applied for a couples visa for Australia which cost 4k, plus lawyers fees and a hell of a lot of stress. It came through after 11 months and DS1 left for Australia in February before lockdown (thank god!)
Now in Oz they are renting a gorgeous place by the sea, both working and they can afford it. He won't live in the UK again :(

DD2 and fiance.. have saved and saved and saved... and we are about to help them out with a deposit as houses here..even tiny ones are ££££ and martgages want 15%. They have found a house and will be moving in October we hope. It would not have been possible if they hadn't lived with us. (DD2 lived away from home for 2 years post Uni so not like she'd never left)

DS2 has autism..with us forever.

They have all paid a small rent, all live and work as adults.. none are in a perpetual state of adolescence. It's just financial sense.

I'm going to bloody miss them when they are gone :(

I think it depends on whether you're contributing or not. DSIL has never moved out of home, but has also never worked. No benefits, her parents give her an allowance. She is now pregnant and her boyfriend has moved in, also not working or contributing, and the plan is for the three of them to carry on living with my in-laws, being entirely supported by them, for the rest of their lives. They are in their late 30s now, PIL are mid 70s. God knows what the plan is when PIL pass away, or need a nursing home. Maybe their children will be earning by then and can take over supporting them.

I do side-eye stuff like that. A 23 yr old who either doesn't earn enough to pay full rent, or who is saving up for a deposit, fair enough.

I moved out when I got married and tbh I didn't miss a thing. Although at one point I did live abroad for 4 years but my monthly salary went to rent, utility bills and food. When I got back I moved straight to my parents house and started a new job. I still paid my parents a small percentage as I felt bad but I managed to save for a house deposit. My DH also did the same and when we met and decided to get married a few years later, we paid for our wedding, combined our savings to buy a house.

It's so different now as it was easier to buy a house back in the day with my profession. With my profession now, there is no way you can rent, live and save up for a house. You can only do one thing and that's why a lot of people are living with their parents so they could buy a house in the future.

Well I couldn’t wait to move out before my 20th bday. Couldn’t do it in my own but I moved in with a friend.

My dad was a nutter and remarried and my mam sadly died not long after so I didn’t have option to go back ‘home’. I just had to stand in my own two feet as there was no other option.

It was hard and to this day 20 years on, I always think people are so lucky to have their parents to help them out and let them live there etc... I was stuck in a relationship for years that I couldn’t get out of as well we’re stuck financially. Had I had parents to go back to as a stepping stone I would have likely taken it.

So my view is probably quite warped but I do find it a bit odd that people chose to stay with patents in to their mid to late 20’s, given I was desperate to move out..... but then if I was happy perhaps I would have stayed.

Live and let live.

Also think it depends on your lifestyle. A single person in their 20s might want to party and stay out late a lot, hook up with people, get drunk, whatever. to I’d find it pretty disrespectful to do all that at a parent’s house especially if they are still working and you’re coming in at 3am waking them up (unless it’s a massive house). As others have said it’s about gaining your independence, freedom.. I feel sad for folk who never get that chance and go straight from mum&dads to domestic bliss with hubby. Defo missed out, but perhaps ignorance is bliss. Still not for anyone else to judge.

Obviously a big factor is how someone gets on with their parents etc but alsoa big part of it is going to be where you live and what your class is.

I'm from Dublin and among my peers (college educated, professional) it was completely normal for people to stay at home to late 20's want 30's.

By no means saying everyone did it, not certainly people weren't judged for it.

The factors being everyone tended to go to college in Dublin, then everyone tended to get jobs in Dublin (all the law/accountancy/tech firms are based here) and then the extortionate rental fees just means it's very hard to justify living away from home for your early working years.

Obviously loads of people do, but from memory the majority of people stayed well beyond their early 20's

It depends... it would have been weird back in my day, but now young people need to save for bigger deposits. Also parent/ child relationships are different now

When I was 20 (in 1980) no way would your parents have let you have a boyfriend/girlfriend stay over, so if you wanted a sex life you had to move out.
Nowadays most young people who stay at home pay minimum board, mummy provides a meal service does the cleaning and washing for them and their partner can stay over whenever they want.
They don’t seem very grown up to me.

I'm 34 now and lived with my mum after uni till I was 23. She moved out at 18 for uni and never went back, but she recognized that things were different for me. I was able to save, then moved in with my now DH. My kids are still quite young but I am already mentally planning for them to be at home as young adults, and they'd be very welcome as long as they were saving for their deposits. I do think its important to encourage independence but we must recognize that things are harder now on the housing front.

I was a conveyancing paralegal for 15 years. Almost all of the first home buyers were living out of the home and renting. The “I’m living at home with my parents to save up for my own place” young people should have represented the majority of my first home buyers but they didn’t. I think it is something people just say to legitimise their decision. Once you have a comfy roof over your head with all the creature comforts, other things often take priority. There are occasional exceptions to this of course.

I think that extended living at home with parents unintentionally mutes the get up and go of young people. There, I’ve said it.

The dumbos are running out the door to the estate agents at 17 screaming FREEDOM me

The smart ones aren’t paying someone else’s mortgage & are staying at home till they can buy. You’ll get only good judgement from me OP! Fuck people.

I left home at 16
My ex hasn't left home he's 33

I don't judge - I can see how it's a sensible choice, and how for many people it's their only option - but if I'm completely honest I do think it's a shame. I look back at my time in my 20s living in slightly chaotic and grotty house-shares with friends with so much fondness. The window of opportunity to be independent but with relatively few responsibilities is so short for most people and although I can absolutely see that living at home and saving up for a deposit would have been a more financially sound choice than spending that money on rent (and the pub) I wouldn't go back and change it for anything.

With house prices as they are it can make sense, but most of the people I know who live at home are bit unambitious. Don't drive and still have their mum doing their washing etc.

YANBU OP. I had to move back home after I finished uni in 2008, graduating into a recession. Despite a good degree and decent work experience I couldn’t even find one single full time job doing admin or retail, and so I lived at home for 3 years doing various part time/temporary/voluntary/whatever jobs until I finally found a permanent full time job at 24, and moved out properly at 25 (met now-DH soon after and we rented for a few years before buying our first house when we were 28 (90% mortgage on a £95k house, all we could afford at the time).

It wasn’t ideal, I love my DM to bits but we did get on better when I’d moved out - she’s very set in her ways and could be petty - while I was living back with her she’d bought a Nintendo Wii and once threatened to ‘return it to the shop!’ like I was a child because I’d left my washing on the line and it had got wet. I was about 22.