Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WTF would you do. ? So called friend !!!!

252 replies

Highfivemum · 29/08/2020 19:52

Long story . I have a friend who I know through school. She has two DD. I have 6 DC ( 2 DD and 4 DS). Over the 6 years I have know her I have always given her my DD clothes they have outgrown. I feel for her as she is a Single parent and doesn't work. Last year I gave some of my DD outfits to another friend at school who helped me out when I needed her and she commented that she could have done with the clothes. I didn’t take much notice as I didn’t know if it was said in jest but it stuck with me. Then at the beginning of the year she asked me if my daughter had outgrown one of her dresses as she had a party. I stupidly pick a few of my daughters dresses that were getting to small and gave her them. I said to my DH i was going to move away from the friendship as I wasn’t happy that I was being used. I really am happy to help but felt she was over stepping mark. I had my last DC in April And due to covid haven’t seen her. She messaged last week and said she will drop a gift off and leave it on the porch I thanked her. When I opened the present it was a two pairs of socks along with a note saying she has missed seeing me at school and she is happy to come over if I left some of my DD clothes in the porch. She made out she was doing me a favor...I really felt like I had mug on my head. How would you deal with it. !! We only see each other through school..

OP posts:
browneyes77 · 30/08/2020 20:57

@Ohtherewearethen I honestly find @greengreengrass14’s aggressive responses, utterly bizarre!

Something has definitely touched a nerve Grin

FelicisNox · 30/08/2020 21:03

I'm confused.

One minute she's a "so called friend" suggesting you are friends but she's not acting like one and the next minute she's not your friend and you only see her through school. So which is it?

Then you say you willing kept giving her clothes because you felt sorry for her but now you're surpised/pissed off because she keeps expecting clothes?

The only issue here as far as I can see is your shocking lack of consistency.

Pick a side and stick to it.

If I'm not reading this right just say you don't have any at the moment and repeat.

You created this pattern so it's up to you to put a stop to it.

greengreengrass14 · 30/08/2020 21:32

Touching a nerve
Entitled

Yes, absolutely it did and does.

Because EVERYBODY is entitled to a life free of worry about essentials.

Especially if they are bringing up kids and especially if they are doing it on their own.

No apologies for being.

Ohtherewearethen · 30/08/2020 21:37

@greengreengrass14 you are sounding more and more ridiculous with every post. The world does not owe you and your kids a 'worry free' life. The OP does not owe her friend her children's clothes. Your sense of entitlement is utterly shocking.

greengreengrass14 · 30/08/2020 21:46

Nice one Otherewearethen,

Considering you know absolutely zilch about my personal circumstance, my family life or my financial circumstances

I am aware that your personal bias is coming through very clearly.

Stereotypes galore. And completely unfounded.

Entitled? You dont' even know me. Entitled I would say is Boris Johnson.

why shouldn't I and the person who is being talked about on this thread, and is desperate enough to want second hand clothes - be 'entitled' 'Entitled to what?

Life? Love? Security? Food on the table?

Nothing ridiculous about that one, sweetheart.Just because I'm questioning your whole notion of 'entitled' doesn't mean I have no right to express an opinion

greengreengrass14 · 30/08/2020 21:48

we don't yet live in a totalitarian fascist state hon

greengreengrass14 · 30/08/2020 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

inappropriateraspberry · 30/08/2020 21:53

@greengreengrass14 But how do you know that this woman is 'desperate' for the clothes? It appears that she just likes the clothes that the OP's children wear and fancies them for her own.
To expect anything like that, no matter your circumstances, is rude and grabby. It is up the giver to give, not up to the recipient to demand.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 30/08/2020 21:55

I will not rise to some of the posts, they are laughable really.
I know I am a kind person and I have never expected anything in return but a bit of respect would be nice.

OP posts:
greengreengrass14 · 30/08/2020 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 30/08/2020 22:01

She is a friend. I have know her 6 years but we do not see each other socially. Just at school and occasional clubs. I have not said I feel sorry for her. I feel for her as she is on her own and doesn’t work.
I gave her clothes as To me I would rather someone for use out of them. But her attitude now makes me feel uncomfortable and pressured.
I have replied to her now so will sign off.
Thank you all for your input. Been enlightening

OP posts:
inappropriateraspberry · 30/08/2020 22:04

@Highfivemum You are quite right to stop giving her the clothing. A gift is unsolicited, not an expectation.

Glitter7 · 30/08/2020 22:05

Agree with 'HighfiveMum,' a little respect, a thank you or even a text to say thanks goes a long way. Friends shouldn't 'expect' though!

Original poster
Highfivemum · 30/08/2020 22:06

@greengreengrass14

Thats it, Highfivemum

you are always right.

God knows I would rather die in a ditch than accept a hand out from the likes of you.

Fantastic. What a lovely world we live in Thanks all.
OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 30/08/2020 22:12

Errr, I think the point is that she's only sniffing around the OP because of the nice clothes OP has to give away, getting sniffy if OP gives them to anyone else.

OP can give her fucking clothes to whoever the fuck she wants and nobody should "expect" them.

But it really doesn't require all this hand wringing or strangers on the internet to help you craft a response to what is not actually a problem.

Anyway, hope you're left alone now OP.

custardbear · 30/08/2020 22:14

@Highfivemum - ignore those idiots on here, they're probably 'takers' too 🤔😉

LillianBland · 30/08/2020 22:15

@greengreengrass14

and while we are on, the use of the word 'parasite' to describe someone on a low income and a single parent in the middle of a global pandemic is not just completely absent of compassion.

It IS completely fascist.

'When they came for the jews, I said nothing, because I wasn't a jew..
When they came for the gypsies I said nothing because I wasn't a gypsy

When they came for black people I said nothing because I wasn't black.

And when they came for ME there was no-one left to speak out for me.

Niemoeller. During second world war. Fascist Germany.

And that, is not ridiculous, it is historical fact, and it is where your sort of thinking leads to.

Dear lord! Over reaction much? I’m waiting for you to ‘cancel’ OP, at this rate.
BlogTheBlogger · 30/08/2020 22:17

@Highfivemum you have acted in a very fair way. Best to ignore the weirdness of @greengreengrass14 who is just being goady and didnt even answer what she meant by calling you "entitled" - just changed it to "Because EVERYBODY is entitled to a life free of worry about essentials" Grin
and has now I see descended into Godwin's law to make their point Hmm

RuggerHug · 30/08/2020 22:21

Greengreengrass has put her own spin on what OP said and run with it.

Greengreen. Calm down, step back. I'm pretty sure this isn't about you personally.

Strokethefurrywall · 30/08/2020 22:28

Greengreen. Calm down, step back. I'm pretty sure this isn't about you personally.

Unless, you know... it is Grin

LadyLairdArgyll · 30/08/2020 22:36

you are kind OP, despite it being suggested otherwise. Flowers

Yankathebear · 30/08/2020 22:36

I would make a joke and say something like, ‘you only want me for my clothes’

kidsdrivingmemad · 30/08/2020 22:39

@greengreengrass14 you on something?

Sceptre86 · 30/08/2020 22:43

I think you have been very kind in passing on clothes. She is entitled to keep on asking and I wouldn't have liked the comments about your dd's dungarees. That being said if you don't wish to put the clothes on ebay, give them to family members or keep them for another baby would it cause you any bother to just give them to her?

I have some beautiful clothes from when my dd was a baby, she was never in them for long and they are in great condition. I have honestly never thought to give them to anyone else as I would like to try for a 3rd baby and if I have a dd would use them again. If not I would offer to my sister or family. I couldn't care less if they went on to sell them as I wouldn't want the hassle of doing so.

It isn't your responsibility to provide her dd with clothes. If you want to great, if not be firm and say no. My dd is now 4 and I find that she is in her clothes a lot longer and they are not in any condition to donate to anyone.

mollypuss1 · 30/08/2020 22:44

Well this thread took an unexpected turn.