AIBU - DP’s baby and DN

[LyraBelacquaSilvertongue]

Background: DP of 6 months has a 17 month old child who mostly lives with the mum. DP is a very involved dad and we have his son (‘DSS’) over 3-4x per week and one of those is an overnight (it’s my house for context).

I have a 9 year old nephew (DN) who has often stayed with me due to DSis’ physical health issues, we are extremely close and DN has always felt like mine is a second home.

Anyway due to COVID this weekend is the first that DN has come to stay since I have been with DP, so their first meeting. DSS’ mum has DSS this weekend, although when we originally talked about having DSS and DN together this weekend I said ‘I don’t want DN to feel left out’.

Since partner moved we have called my spare room the ‘boys’ room’, with a plan to decorate it and use it for both boys. We have been using it to store DSS’ toys and nappies but DSS has been sleeping in a cot in our room. I’ve always previously called it ‘DN’s room’.

Before DN came to stay I tidied away all of DSS’ things in the room and put up some of DN’s things. I didn’t give it much thought but DP was really upset and said that I had excluded DSS and made it clear (from what I said previously and from tidying the things away) that DP and DSS do not have a home here. DP said any parent would feel the way he does.

I am not a parent but a very devoted aunt and I want to be a great step-mum to DSS as he grows up, so please can I have some guidance here as to whether I was being unreasonable? As above bedroom will be decorated for both boys and DSS’ things will come out of the wardrobe once DN has gone home.

YANBU - it was good to tidy away the baby things for DN

YABU - I excluded DSS by tidying away the baby things and saying ‘I don’t want DN to feel left out’

@dontdisturbmenow

So he's lived with you for less than a month, and already he is telling you what you can and can't do in your own house To be fair, we don't know how it came about. Maybe OP is the one who brought him moving in. Maybe he wasn't sure, was concerned about moving in her house and it not feeling like home and OP insisted it would be as much his home. Maybe OP is the one who very much wanted him to move in because she didn't like living on her own.

no, we don't know how it came about and it does not matter if OP wanted him to move in too. But it doesn't make his behaviour any more acceptable.

It's truly amazing how quickly these newly separated men find another mug to move in with/parent their children.

It's extraordinary 🙄

I cannot imagine anyone as unattractive when I was a single woman as a man with children, newly separated.

The mind boggles...what is the appeal?

They must smell desperation.

I cannot imagine anyone as unattractive when I was a single woman as a man with children, newly separated.

... whose tenancy is coming to an end.

@JulesCobb the op’s dp’s tenancy came to an end and that is why he moved in. I probably would’ve done the same. Now I’m 43 with 2 kids, so definitely wouldn’t and can view the situation with years of my experience with cf boyfriends. (The boyfriends were 20years ago and before I got married and had dc)
I did attract a special kind of man back then. Just separated, living alone and the ex never, ever, let them see dc, because she was a bitch, obviously! Always turned out they were useless cocklodgers

There's a lot of spire addressed as advice on here. Op isn't desperate or pathetic she's just trying to do the right thing with the perspective she has.