Page 2 | AIBU - DP’s baby and DN

MiniCooperLover · 29/08/2020 10:56

OP, this man is a cocklodger, he's worried about your close relationship with DN. and you cannot call a toddler you've barely known 6 months your stepson, that's just daft. Where did DP live before yours?

1304togo · 29/08/2020 10:57

Wooooah.

Your DN has been in your life for years, then some new bloke you only started dating 6 months ago wants to dictate how you can use your spare room in your house? Why has he moved in after only six months?! You are not yet in a stable long term relationship, never mind in the territory of being a step mum. Many parents wouldn't have even introduced their children to their new girlfriend yet (that's what you are).

There's a lot of red flags making me uncomfortable about your setup from a few angles, mostly that it's not fair or commonly done re your "step son" (?!? After six months of dating the dad?!) Or your DN...

Whose idea was it to move him in?
Has he ever parented his own child alone much?
Who pushed you into step parenting, didn't he pull you up on that or was it his idea?

I feel very sorry for both kids here.

P.s. this isn't about nappies being moved in your spare room at all!!

WitchenKitch · 29/08/2020 10:57

The 'moved in within six months' thing is really baffling to me - I wouldn't even be comfortable letting one of my boys stay with his aunt and some bloke she'd been seeing for six months.

allfalldown47 · 29/08/2020 10:58

You've been together 6 months?

slipperywhensparticus · 29/08/2020 10:59

Umm whose home is it again?

ColleagueFromMars · 29/08/2020 11:00

I didn’t give it much thought but DP was really upset and said that I had excluded DSS and made it clear (from what I said previously and from tidying the things away) that DP and DSS do not have a home here. DP said any parent would feel the way he does.

I think both DP and OP need to hear the following words come out of OP's mouth;

"It is too soon in our relationship for you to have moved in. I'm not breaking up with you but it is clear that we are not ready to live together yet especially with DN and DSS. Please move out."

Dominicgoings · 29/08/2020 11:00

He sounds like a right catch.

Beanosaurus · 29/08/2020 11:00

I'm in agreement with others. 6 months is very fast to be living together and playing step mom. You sound like an amazing aunt to your nephew, focus on this and take a step back from the baby. Your partner doesn't get to dictate what happens in your house. If he wants his son to have his own room, he needs to provide it himself. Please be cautious about this man.

User43210 · 29/08/2020 11:00

I understand wanting to see yourselves together forever if things are going well, but after 6 months to say you plan to be a good step mum as the child grows is definitely fast.

I actually think the right thing to do was clear the baby's stuff out so your DN gets normality on his first visit back. You can then explain the new situation to him calmly and the baby's stuff can be moved back in. It would be a shock for him to come to what he sees as his room taken over by someone else. Who isn't even there.

EsmeeMerlin · 29/08/2020 11:02

@titchy

Frankly this is what happens when you move a bloke in after only six months. Give your head a wobble. He needs to move out. bet he won't have his kid 4 times a week if you're not around to help look after him

It's supposed to be fun fun fun at the six month mark. Not this.

This!

Why would you move in with a man with a son after only 6 months. Surely you did not even get to date properly either with lockdown.

Too much too soon.

chilling19 · 29/08/2020 11:03

Get rid. Been there, done that. It did not end well.

Mellonsprite · 29/08/2020 11:06

I’m afraid my first thought was Cocklodger, then my second was CF as he’s making a land grab for the spare room for his DS in your house.

gutentag1 · 29/08/2020 11:07

It's your house, you've been with this man 6 months.

He can have whatever setup he wants in his own house.

FlySheMust · 29/08/2020 11:11

Not his house. Very presumptive of him.

LabradorGalore · 29/08/2020 11:11

Yeah, he’s being too OTT given how long you’ve been together. It’s your house - you could turn that room into a walk in wardrobe and it’d still be none of his business.

Just be careful how much time and energy your putting in here OP - what are you actually getting back from this man? Bear that in mind over the next few months. You’ve literally jumped headfirst into family life.

oreshina · 29/08/2020 11:12

Don't let him manipulate or take advantage of your kindness. Have some boundaries in place and stick to them. As long as the children are well cared for and loved it doesn't really matter what objects are displayed in the room.

Witchinaditch · 29/08/2020 11:17

What everyone else said. He’s a water, come in OP. It’s been 6 months. As a parent no new partner would have met my children by then let alone living with them. Your DN is also important, you are allowed to tidy away some things to
Make room. Your DP is so out of line I’d be considering if there was a future with him.

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/08/2020 11:17

@LyraBelacquaSilvertongue

Background: DP of 6 months has a 17 month old child who mostly lives with the mum. DP is a very involved dad and we have his son (‘DSS’) over 3-4x per week and one of those is an overnight (it’s my house for context).

I have a 9 year old nephew (DN) who has often stayed with me due to DSis’ physical health issues, we are extremely close and DN has always felt like mine is a second home.

Anyway due to COVID this weekend is the first that DN has come to stay since I have been with DP, so their first meeting. DSS’ mum has DSS this weekend, although when we originally talked about having DSS and DN together this weekend I said ‘I don’t want DN to feel left out’.

Since partner moved we have called my spare room the ‘boys’ room’, with a plan to decorate it and use it for both boys. We have been using it to store DSS’ toys and nappies but DSS has been sleeping in a cot in our room. I’ve always previously called it ‘DN’s room’.

Before DN came to stay I tidied away all of DSS’ things in the room and put up some of DN’s things. I didn’t give it much thought but DP was really upset and said that I had excluded DSS and made it clear (from what I said previously and from tidying the things away) that DP and DSS do not have a home here. DP said any parent would feel the way he does.

I am not a parent but a very devoted aunt and I want to be a great step-mum to DSS as he grows up, so please can I have some guidance here as to whether I was being unreasonable? As above bedroom will be decorated for both boys and DSS’ things will come out of the wardrobe once DN has gone home.

YANBU - it was good to tidy away the baby things for DN

YABU - I excluded DSS by tidying away the baby things and saying ‘I don’t want DN to feel left out’

Your DP is under the mistaken belief that it’s his house and his son is more important than your DN. You need to set him straight on both accounts.

RHRA · 29/08/2020 11:17

Six months? He does not get to dictate what you do in your own house.
^
This
He should be bending over backwards with gratitude for all you’ve done for him, not complaining . Bloody hell, I’d be seeing him in a different light after this.

fuandylp · 29/08/2020 11:19

Background: DP of 6 months has a 17 month old child who mostly lives with the mum. DP is a very involved dad and we have his son (‘DSS’) over 3-4x per week and one of those is an overnight (it’s my house for context).

This is all far too much too soon.
17 months ago DP's ex gave birth to a child. At some point either before or after the birth, they split up.
11 months after the baby is born DP gets together with you.
Within a few months he's living with you and his baby is over 3-4 days a week including an overnight. You're calling the baby your stepson.
DP then starts laying down the law because you tidied the babies things away because of DN coming to visit.

The whole situation is ludicrous.
How many months after meeting you did he move in?
How many months after meeting him did the visits from DSS begin?
Where was DP living before he moved in with you?
What does he do for work and who cares for DSS on the days he is with you? Are you caring for the child while DP works?

I didn’t give it much thought but DP was really upset and said that I had excluded DSS and made it clear (from what I said previously and from tidying the things away) that DP and DSS do not have a home here. DP said any parent would feel the way he does.

Well it isn't their home is it? It's your home which you have bought and are paying for. They've been there a matter of months (I'd be interested to know exactly how many months it is since they moved in). DP is now throwing his weight around and emotionally blackmailing you saying they "don't have a home here".
You can't meet a new gf, move into her house and within a couple of months start kicking off like this. It's all far too much too soon.

You need to get this cheeky fucker of a cocklodger DP out as soon as possible.
Your relationship with your DN is much more important than this.

ExclamationPerfume · 29/08/2020 11:19

You've only been together six months. It's all too soon. As for calling him your Step son unbelievable.

FippertyGibbett · 29/08/2020 11:22

It’s your house you can do as you please.

Grrretel · 29/08/2020 11:22

What am I reading?

Your boyfriend needs to move out, find his own place and concentrate on his son!

6 months and he's got you playing step mum

Redred2429 · 29/08/2020 11:24

It sounds very manipulative op you have only been together 6 Months and it's your home not his

TitsOutForHarambe · 29/08/2020 11:24

He's known you for 6 months and he's already moved in and dictating what you can and can't do with your spare room?! Tell him to fuck off