"I wish people warned us about having more children"

[Propercrimboselecta]

Didn't know what else to put as the title, but we have received this advice from quite a few people now...
We have one child and have always said we would like two. We have plenty of time for others and aren't giving serious consideration to another any time soon (we have both said in maybe 4/5 years), but at the moment we do enjoy how things are with having one.

When discussing with others (when everyone asks if we have plans for others) everyone seems to say the same thing - I wish people warned us how hard it would be having more than one, we wouldn't have had more if we knew, etc.

I was just wondering how other people felt about this? I'm not sure if it relates more to people that have had 2 under 2 etc.

Initially, yes, it was hard.

Now they are incredibly close. They entertain each other brilliantly. They learn so much from each other. Yes, there are flash points when they niggle but overall its totally worth it.

@rednsparkley

I have four and at the beginning it was 4 under 6. That was really hard work but to be honest I found having 3 harder than having 4. I do wish I'd thought more deeply about how expensive four teenagers would be though 🤦

Mine are coming up to that age and I'm totally with you....they NEVER STOP EATING!

Thanks for all of your replies, it does make me feel better reading all of your experiences. Apologies to anyone who the title offended, I had no idea what to call this thread.
I don't think we could afford childcare for 2 children so definitely couldn't do before 3 years old!

But very reassuring to read what everyone else has felt. Good point that they entertain each other.

I had two under two and then three four-and-under. It was fine, great in fact. Wouldn't change it for the world. It's not for everyone but suits us.

I'd hate a huge age gap between them as they now all play nicely together, we got nappies/breastfeeding all out of the way quickly, they're now all past the buggy stage and we have lots more freedom. Days out are easy as they all enjoy the same things. I couldn't imagine going back to nappies and sleepless nights now my youngest starts school next year! Or trying to go on holiday with a 1 year old and a 6 year old. But my life choices aren't yours. Do what you think is best for you.

It was easier going from one to two than none to one.

I found 0 to 1 the hardest. What a shock that was!
1 to 2 was fine, especially as she slept through the night at 10 weeks!
2 to 3 was harder but that's because he's a little terror

I have 12 months between mine and wouldn't change it for the world, I mean it was difficult at the beginning having a newborn and a 1 year old but now they play together and can entertain each other for hours they are 20 months & 8 months old now and it's no different to having 1 really... just an extra nappy change but I usually just do them both at the same time anyway

If I had another one it would be a 5 year gap, sounds like this is a bad idea! Might stick with just the one then

I found my first the hardest as it was all new and my OH at the time was dreadful. When I had #2 it was like starting again as there was an 8yr age gap however personal circumstances were better and had more support, #3 came along 3 yrs later and it was absolutely fine, I slept like a lizard anyway. I understand making a decision to have number 2 - if your happy I wouldnt worry about just having 1

To be honest I've found having all three easy. Having my first was probably a shock for the first few months but I didn't find going to two or three difficult.

I was 7 years old to the day when my sister was born and I really struggled with going from being an only child to having a sibling and having to share my parents love and attention. I also was really bothered that I was raised much more strictly than her when we were growing up. Now that we are 26 and 19, we get along wonderfully and I am so glad to have my sister but it is something to consider. A big age gap on an only child can be really difficult. I think both our childhoods would have been less traumatic if we were closer in age. I still deal with abandonment issues and I know I was cruel to my sister when she was young because I resented her. Something to consider.

We’ve got 2 with 2 year gap,people said “ooh, how lovely, they’ll be close together”.
DS2 has autism so no, they are not a company to each other, hardly any interaction.
Couldn’t be predicted.

There is just over 1.5 years between my dc1 and dc2. It had its challenges, but on the whole wasn’t too much harder than just 1. As a pp said, they entertained each other. The hard bit was going from two to three, with just under 1.5 years between dc2 and dc3! I only have 2 hands, therefore very difficult to manage 3 little ones by myself.

On the whole I think having two is easier. For us I'm sure it is anyway. Our two entertain each other for hours, help each other, keep each other company, etc. I can imagine with one it must be much more emotionally and mentally draining as you're going to have to be a playmate as well as a parent. Don't get me wrong, I obviously play with my DC's, but they will play endlessly for hours and hours endlessly, while I'm busy doing other stuff. I know we're lucky as ours get on really really well, but even if they argued more, I would still think the companionship would be worth it for them. Holidays for example would require no relaxation at all, as she'd need entertaining from us rather than her sister... 2 is definitely far easier in our family.

Got 3 DD's love them to bits:)

Yes they had their moments when younger and still do but thats just life!

One has given me the pleasrue of a GS and GD !

There are pros and cons with every age gap (and with every number of children). Small gaps and it's full on, larger gaps and it's easier but they have less in common and you stretch the baby years out. I have a 3.75 year gap, which has worked well for us as the older one was at school. DC1 was harder than DC2 so I needed the break. I think if it had been a bigger gap, it would be harder as the baby years would be over for much longer and it would starting again from scratch after getting my life back.

I found 0-1 much harder than 1-2 but that is because DC2 is so much easier, is very chilled out and actually sleeps! I think it depends on the children. If you have an easy DC1 and a hard DC2, you'll find it harder. The other way around, it'll be a doddle.

There's no "right" number of children, it is whatever works for you! I love having two. It's harder logistically but they love each other, even though they drive each other crazy.

I had 3 under 3. Jump from one to two was fine. Jump to three was much harder as we were outnumbered! Wouldn't change it for the world though.

Sometimes I say that having 3 is not always what it’s cracked up to be. I say this because I had 3 healthy pregnancies in the space of 4 years. I know there are women Around me who struggled to conceive their first, Maybe they are yet to conceive Their second and are struggling. I don’t like to draw attention to my blessings in case it seems like bragging.

A lovely friend of mine cannot have children and she has told me she thinks me having 3 lovely kids makes me some kind of super woman. I don’t really know how to take this compliment. I don’t think being a mother makes me special in anyway so I say that sometimes it’s harder than it really is, to downplay it.

Also what one person sees as hard may not be for another person. I know there are women who struggle at motherhood. My mother included. She had children because it was what everyone else did. My mother was a very good actress she could play the part of a good mother in public but she was abusive at home. If a friend of mine came to me asking about having more children and not being sure I would definitely tell them it’s hard work. My thinking is if you are not 100% sure in yourself you are not ready, and I’m not about to declare it’s a walk in the park, when there is obviously something holding that person back from making that commitment. I would hate to influence anyone into having more children for them to instantly regret it.

I decided to have another with a two year age gap and had twins. The last two years have been very very hard but I'm beginning to see the light! Ask me again in 2 years

When my eldest was born a friends dad told me to remember that two was more than twice the work. - they had three kids, I am still in awe of parents who have more than two kids.

I’ve never heard anyone say that ever - everyone I know who has more than one has only been positive. We have four and I think it gets easier with experience! You don’t keep very nice company maybe...

15 month age gap here. It was very hard for the first six months as DC1 was a sleeper and DC2 was anything but but they’re 7 & 8 now and I wouldn’t change a thing. Despite the no sleeping going from 1 to 2 was so much easier than 0 to 1. And when I have just one of them now, I don’t know what to do with myself. I love it.

0-1 was harder than 1-2

Well I had 4 so obviously think this is rubbish.

However, my son and DIL had a lovely easy baby and think they are mad for thinking of having another because they may get one that doesn't sleep. I never had one that slept well.

One was a doddle
Three under 5 was beyond hard, much as I loved them .