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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"I wish people warned us about having more children"

304 replies

Propercrimboselecta · 28/08/2020 16:43

Didn't know what else to put as the title, but we have received this advice from quite a few people now...
We have one child and have always said we would like two. We have plenty of time for others and aren't giving serious consideration to another any time soon (we have both said in maybe 4/5 years), but at the moment we do enjoy how things are with having one.

When discussing with others (when everyone asks if we have plans for others) everyone seems to say the same thing - I wish people warned us how hard it would be having more than one, we wouldn't have had more if we knew, etc.

I was just wondering how other people felt about this? I'm not sure if it relates more to people that have had 2 under 2 etc.

OP posts:

Pacif1cDogwood · 28/08/2020 20:05

Ach, people talk a whole load of shite sometimes!

And they like a moan/drama.

We were told "Once you have 3, any further just raise themselves".
I can report this is factually not correct.

With every subsequent child the number of possible combinations that can fight with each other rises exponentially. Sigh.

Having said that, now that they are older and less unpredictable, it's great

Diversion · 28/08/2020 20:05

Going from one to two was fine, two to three was difficult, three to four was a breeze once we moved house and bought a bigger car. Number four was very laid back though and still is

Winterflower84 · 28/08/2020 20:06

My daughter was 4yo when I had a 2nd daughter in January. It's not harder, it's amazing. The amount of joy she's added to our lives certainly outweighs all the difficulties.

iolaus · 28/08/2020 20:07

I've never heard anyone say that or said it myself

My first two were 15.5 months apart - in all honesty it wasn't that much harder than 1 on their own - I was still in baby mode,

0-1 is hard, adding an extra one (or two) in soon afterwards wasn't that different. I found 3-4kids the biggest jump other than 0-1kids but I'm not sure if thats because 4 kids results in needing a bigger car etc or because he was born after a bigger gap - so was trying to meet demands of older kids with a baby - whereas if they are similar ages they tend to be entertained by similar things (ie I could take a 4, 3 and 2 year old to soft play and they'd all have fun, you can't do that when they are 11,10, 9 and 2)

BabyDubsEverywhere · 28/08/2020 20:08

DC1 felt like a shock to the system. DC2, 3, and 4 just slotted in. I had 2 under 2, and then 3 under 4, and then all 4 under 6, so I guess hectic, but in a good way (most of the time!)

I have said recently that if I could have predicted a pandemic I might have had less DC, or spaced them further apart! But most of the time I'm happy to have had my little tribe close together.

Its such an individual thing.

StillMedusa · 28/08/2020 20:19

I had three in 2 years and three months!
I look back now and think HOW did we survive (no family help as Forces family so miles from anyone) but we did.. and had a 4th by the time the eldest was five.

In many ways it was easier close together; one toilet trained, the rest copied... one went to nursery, the others couldn't wait to go too! Toys and activities suited everyone. The worst bit was a double buggy and a sling all at once!

They did bicker at times but have grown up very close and still are now as adults. I always thought it was harder for those with a bigger gap as they might not play together or would find a much younger siblign more annoying!

Echobelly · 28/08/2020 20:21

It's manisfestly going to be harder having two than one, but not always a magnitude harder, tbh I found it OK, but I was lucky that DD was an easy toddler and not jealous or clingy, and her brother was a decent sleeping newborn with no problems.

Lemonpink88 · 28/08/2020 20:26

I have 2 under 2. Personally I found it harder having my first child, becoming parents is a shock.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 28/08/2020 20:27

The trouble is there is no way of knowing how things will work out, you just have to trust gut instinct and do what feels right. It took me ages to get pregnant with our first and it happened almost instantly with our second, so they were almost exactly 2 years apart.

It must have been tough to be 28 with a two year old and a newborn but I just got on with it, and DS2 was a fairly easy baby anyway. They did entertain each other but there was quite a bit of bickering at times too! Now they are 19 and 21 and complete opposites in terms of personality, but the best of friends. For me having two close together in age was the right thing to do.

sweetkitty · 28/08/2020 20:28

4 under 6 at one point here 2. Biggest shock was going from 0 to 1, number 2 just slotted in, number 3 was an angel baby and made the decision for us to have number 4. They’ve all been very easy children thankfully, I’m finding the teenage years harder than than the baby toddler years.

Goldenhedgehogs · 28/08/2020 20:29

I had three under four at one point simply because I am an only child, they are now teens and although it is hard it is also great fun. My Dad is now dying of lung cancer and lives hundreds of miles away. I love my Dad and have moved back home to support my mum in my Dad's last days. I know siblings may not get on but I have found this period of my life very lonely and difficult without having a sibling to share the load.

Rubbleonthedouble1 · 28/08/2020 20:31

We had 2 under 2 and the 1-2 change was easier than 0-1! X

Legoandloldolls · 28/08/2020 20:36

@Pacif1cDogwood

Ach, people talk a whole load of shite sometimes!

And they like a moan/drama.

We were told "Once you have 3, any further just raise themselves".
I can report this is factually not correct.

With every subsequent child the number of possible combinations that can fight with each other rises exponentially. Sigh.

Having said that, now that they are older and less unpredictable, it's great

Ah yes the fighting.... two of mine mostly hide in their rooms now they are teens. But we did have a period where it would have easier if they stood in a circle and slapped each other. I think we had one day when they was all fighting. I'm sure I will look back fondly ( once they are grown up maybe?)

neveradullmoment99 · 28/08/2020 20:36

Depends on the age gap.
2/3yrs is fine. Less( like 14 months was so hard!)
4 years, not hard initially but they don't get on now at 9 and 13!! Its a nightmare! But they are both girls!

Boozysoozy1 · 28/08/2020 20:36

Definitely found the transition from 1-2 easier than 0-1 as pps have said.
That being said, 2 is hard

ArabellaScott · 28/08/2020 20:37

Depends on SO MANY variables, it's really almost impossible to say how it would be. I had a v difficult 1st birth and a difficult time with my 1st child. I was terrified to go through all the sleeplessness and angst a 2nd time. But it didn't happen. She was a delightful breeze, still is.

sunlight81 · 28/08/2020 20:37

I had DD on my own for 8y, then DD plus a DSD for an additional 8y - both hard situations but in different ways.

We now have the above plus DS with DTwins on the way.

At xmas we will have 3 under 2yo children plus our two older ones ... I'm trying to block out how difficult this may be!!!

neveradullmoment99 · 28/08/2020 20:38

I had at one point 3 under 2! ( I have twins)

neveradullmoment99 · 28/08/2020 20:38

twins and a baby. Nightmare

daisypond · 28/08/2020 20:41

I’ve never heard anyone say that. But I think deliberately waiting another 4 or 5 years is a mistake. The age gap is too much. Mine are 21 months apart and it worked out really well.

neveradullmoment99 · 28/08/2020 20:41

I think its true to say while the small age gaps are worse for the parents, they are much closer and get on better when becoming independent.
The nightmare is truly the 4 year gap.

MrsKypp · 28/08/2020 20:42

The biggest change is 0 --> 1.

I have 3. The possible extra issue having 3 is the "odd one out" or the less academic one can be outnumbered by 2 others etc.

neveradullmoment99 · 28/08/2020 20:43

I didnt plan the 4yrs.
I have a boy inbetween.
But the two girls bicker constantly.

neveradullmoment99 · 28/08/2020 20:44

dd9, ds12, dd13

neveradullmoment99 · 28/08/2020 20:45

the 12 and 13 year old are great together too...

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