Inheritance

[Familyshitshow]

Trying to keep this anonymous as possible for obvious reasons.

Darling Grandparent has left a shit show of a will and we’re not sure how to break it to the grandchildren:

Grandchild A: has got everything except some cash (the house/possessions/car/jewellery etc).
Grandchild B/C/D/E: has got the cash (not huge amounts) split between them.
Grandchild F: has been written out of the will (due to ‘personality differences’).
Grandchild G: nothing (but shouldn’t be too surprised due to behaviour somewhat recently but never that close).

Grandchild A knows they’ve inherited all and knew for a while but was a shock once the Will was written. Most of B/C/E knew it was coming that grandchild A would get all as they were the favoured.

Grandchild F has no idea that not only weren’t they particularly liked by their grandparent (silly life choices that the grand scheme of things aren’t a huge deal), that they need the funds more than all. Grandchild G will be very bitter but don’t really have a leg to stand on.

How on earth should the will be ‘read’ and should grandchild A split between all?

What about the middle generation? Are he/she/they getting anything?

@WeeWelshWoman

Grandparent sounds like a right see you next Tuesday. Yikes.

You have absolutely no idea what has gone on. What a disgusting comment.

Leaving it to someone else to basically tell your Grandchild that you didn't like them is a shit thing to do

Regardless of the reasons or whatever (The OP has stated that G was never that close and that it shouldn't come as a shock whereas F has no idea they're not liked) that's a crap thing to do to your family when they are grieving.

The will needs to be followed. It’s not up to you to decide who deserves what portion of her money. She’s decided. It might seem unfair but that’s what she wanted to do with her money.
It was never their money to expect. Everyone has to accept that and move on.

that's a crap thing to do to your family when they are grieving.

Fuck but that has made me shriek, DH wondered what had happened!

Yes, it is shit. Even more so for the person who is actually dead!

What a horrible person that grandparent was. Even if I was A I wouldn't want such things from such a horrible person. I would probably suggest that we sell everything and split it equally in money.

But I'm doubtful that A will do that since they were the favourite and favourites tend to be similar to the person.

Either way the will should be read as is. It's a legal document, you can't change it. Only those who get the money/possessions can.

I suspect that F’s silly life choices were more to do with choice than not, iyswim. Because IMO if they were gay or living with someone of a different race for instance then the kind of person who would object to that kind of thing is usually fairly transparent.

If however they do drugs every Friday and Saturday night and/or weed during the week, have had several children by several different partners, then that may be something which the grandparent ignored at the time but didn’t feel they wanted to fund after their death. Iyswim.

Which GC are yours?

Also, unless the will specifically states “I leave nothing to grandchild f because I never liked them,” it’s not possible to know that was definitely the case. It may just be that the grandparent disapproved of their lifestyle for whatever reason, and as the OP hasn’t specified what that lifestyle was or the “silly life choices” were that they made I suspect that they know there was a chance it was controversial.

I also think that we need to differentiate here between a grandparent and a parent. IMO a parent who deliberately leaves out one of their children is on a different level to a grandparent who does it. Because traditionally grandparents don’t leave their money to the grandchildren, not all of it anyway, so anything they do leave is by choice and not expectation.

Out of 8 grand children, only one bothers with our grandmother. It’s not me.
Grandmother owns her own house, inherited her parents’ house and has other things of value. My cousin visits her regularly and helps her out around the house. The rest of us, as well as grandmother’s children, can’t face the abuse so we’ve either cut ties or limited contact to once or twice a year.
My cousin has put up with a lot of verbal abuse (from grandmother) to ensure grandmother isn’t all alone.
I expect (and hope actually) my cousin inherits most, if not all, of my grandmother’s wealth. At least my cousin is a good human being and more deserving of all that wealth (whereas my grandmother not so much).
The grandchildren might surprise you in their acceptance of the will.

The will has been written as the wishes of the deceased
It was their money to do as they pleased. It shouldnt be changed and should be given out as indicated in the will surely

It's their wishes so it's tough luck really to those who are missing out, at savage as that is. If A wants to share (I probably wouldn't being brutally honest hah) then that's up to them.

It’s easy enough to vary a will on the agreement of all parties.

My grandmother’s will was varied when going through probate to share her estate equally between 4 children rather than the 3 named - the ‘missing’ child/grown woman had had financial issues when the will was written which meant that being included in the division of the estate if DGM had died shortly after will written would have meant the money being absorbed by the bankruptcy. When DGM died the estate was split equally with the agreement of the 3 other siblings.

My DM varied the will of her mother and her aunt to skip her and pass money to grandchildren/great nieces - as a way of reducing her own estate and for IHT purposes.

But in these cases the wills that had been written were not written as a statement on the personal feelings of the writer, or to make a point or to “punish” and no favouritism involved. So it was all straightforward. My take is that once the person has died, their personal enmities die with them and the estate “belongs” to whoever is named. If they want to have a more equitable division of the assets then that is their right it is not necessary to “honour” the will terms given that they have been through passing the decision and choice to the named legatee.

I can honestly say that there is no way that I would ever write a will as a means of chastising or praising one or another. It’s the ultimate “so there” and it seems very petty to me. But then I am fortunate that in general my family is pretty uncomplicated and we don’t have fallings out and bust ups.

How can people be so entitled over SOMEONE ELSE'S MONEY? There is no requirement to split it evenly between whoever you think deserves it. Respect the bloody will.

Grandparent obviously had their reasons, and it is what it is. Just present the will to dgc how it stands. I’m sure there is a lot more background to their decision that we aren’t aware of.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

that's a crap thing to do to your family when they are grieving.

Fuck but that has made me shriek, DH wondered what had happened!

Yes, it is shit. Even more so for the person who is actually dead!

I must have missed the part where I made any comment about it being worse for the living than the dead - can you point it out?

Its a shit situation. That’s all I said. Leaving it as a surprise for the family was cruel. That’s not the same as saying “lucky dead granny”

Which GC are yours and which GC are siblings?
It's particularly harsh if A and F are siblings for example. Less so if A and B are siblings and C, D and E are siblings.

Anyway, the wishes of the deceased should be carried out according to the will. There is no need to "read" the will. The executor can inform the beneficiaries and you could inform those who haven't received anything without going into details as to why.
If A decides to share then that it is up to A but they shouldn't be put under any pressure to do so.

Perhaps the grandparent thought F (and G) would waste the money on something. Perhaps they don't want money being spent on whatever "lifestyle choices" they are making. Who knows? The fact is that they have been left nothing and the grandparent was within their rights to do this. It's shit but there's nothing you can do about it.

GP have valued their DGC financially, totting up who they think is worth most and least. They valued their family only financially.

Mean with money, mean with love. How awful to be remembered as such failures as humans. If you're remembered at all - suspect they won't make the family gallery for most of their relations.

it's not the actual money - the money etc is symbolic of love and regard

This is so true. My friend's father left her mother for another woman when friend and her sibling were in secondary school. He married the OW and had a 3rd child with her.

When he died, he'd left everything to 2nd wife. His first 2 children weren't mentioned in the will at all. Friend and her sibling had no need of the money, they're both childfree, have houses and good pensions, but they were so hurt, I can't tell you.

There had been no falling out, they had both been in regular contact, and got on well with their father, although second wife wouldn't have them in the house and once he got too frail to go out, they had little face to face contact. Friend was devastated, and said it made her feel that she had never counted for anything in her father's life. Her sibling was just really angry.

The estate was worth in excess of £4m, and the second wife seems intent on burning through it as quickly as possible.

I suspect GC A isn't OP's.

I know a family where the eldest inherited most of the estate from an unmarried and reasonably affluent uncle (the youngest two got nothing at all). It has caused all sorts of issues which continued when the siblings' father died and more of the uncle's remaining inheritance (which had passed to their father, his brother) was due to be shared out. There was a move by the eldest to be fair and share out equally with all siblings but another took offence to this. Ironically it was the most affluent one (who didn't need the money) who made a lot of fuss. Lingering resentments to this day.

Ages of GC are important. Whilst GP can do what they wish, assuming GC are young, if I was the parent of A I would have a chat about the fact that they may want a relationship with sibs/cousins for many more decades, and that seeming to have it all through birthright (if that’s all it is) may cause lasting damage to A’s own happiness etc

I was speaking about this kind of thing to my husband the other day.
I could not imagine doing this to my children or my grandchildren.
My parents and there parents would though, totally spiteful and just plain nasty.

Yep we do all have a right to do with what we wish with our money,property when we die.
But the reasons why people have not been left stuff is vile, and will divide familes for generations to come (which is probably the desired effect).

See personally I think that when you’re gone, you’re gone, and the extent of your control over what happens next is limited to the writing of the will. It is then up to the beneficiaries how they use that money. They can keep it if they choose, it’s theirs, or they can if they want decide to use the money to indicate their own feelings/personal relationships.

It is not necessary to continue or enforce the instructions unless they agree with them, as on death, the estate has become theirs to control.

If I were A and had my own ok relationship with other grandchildren, or if I felt the terms of thr will were unfair, then I wouldn’t see myself as being obliged to carry out wishes that I disagreed with. But if They agreed with the terms of the will, then they aren’t obliged to be “fair” because presumably they would see the original distribution as fair.

What I would worry about, as the writer if the will, would be whether I would be passing down bad feelings and the burden to child A and expecting them to perpetuate my own personal feelings. I don’t think that is fair, and I think it’s appropriate that the mechanism exists to come up with a deed of variation - to sort out tangled wills according to the wishes of the beneficiary.

I feel really bad for A, because although they have inherited they have been put in such a difficult position by their grandparent and will get pressure from their entire family to give their inheritance away so it's 'fair'.

You have to respect the will and the wishes of the person who has died. It’s then up to the person who has inherited to share it around more fairly amongst the rest of the grandchildren if they wish to, but they have no obligation to.