Inheritance

[Familyshitshow]

Trying to keep this anonymous as possible for obvious reasons.

Darling Grandparent has left a shit show of a will and we’re not sure how to break it to the grandchildren:

Grandchild A: has got everything except some cash (the house/possessions/car/jewellery etc).
Grandchild B/C/D/E: has got the cash (not huge amounts) split between them.
Grandchild F: has been written out of the will (due to ‘personality differences’).
Grandchild G: nothing (but shouldn’t be too surprised due to behaviour somewhat recently but never that close).

Grandchild A knows they’ve inherited all and knew for a while but was a shock once the Will was written. Most of B/C/E knew it was coming that grandchild A would get all as they were the favoured.

Grandchild F has no idea that not only weren’t they particularly liked by their grandparent (silly life choices that the grand scheme of things aren’t a huge deal), that they need the funds more than all. Grandchild G will be very bitter but don’t really have a leg to stand on.

How on earth should the will be ‘read’ and should grandchild A split between all?

It should be read as it is and the wishes of the grandparent respected.

The first response is spot on

@AlternativePerspective

The OP does state the reasons though - silly life choices for F who has no idea that the grandparent didn't like them whereas G "will be very bitter but don’t really have a leg to stand on." The OP also states that of all the grandchildren F would actually be the one who'd benefit most from any help. define silly life choices though. What to one may just seem like silly life choices may to another be something which they cannot reconcile, and that is their prerogative.

And I have no time for people who think less of others who inherit over themselves. If a will causes divisions within a family member it is down to those family members, not the person who wrote the will.

To hold a grudge against someone who inherited more than you who decides not to give you any of it is pathetic and says a lot more about you than it does them.

I had a relative who left some of his money to one stepson and the rest to charity. He left nothing to the other step kids but had lent them all significant sums over the years, but the arguments that caused were unreal. They all fell out with the stepson who had inherited, then they all fell out with one another because some were apparently lent more money than others and some felt that the one who inherited should make up the difference to them. The stepson who inherited now has 0 relationship with any of them and `I don’t blame him.

As for the rest, I have no time for any of them, and if I came into money they would be the last people on earth I o would tell, as their expectations would be very clear.

It may be their perogative, but it doesn't stop it feeling unfair to F and by not letting the family know beforehand it leaves the family to deal with the fall out.

Wills leaving everything to one person can be fair - I inherited everything from my Nana because my siblings, Aunt and Uncle got their share when my Grandad died - I was 12 and the youngest by far - my Nana realised that if she died while I was a child none of them were willing to take me in. So she divided everything to them and left me the home so at least I wouldn't be homeless and in the hope they'd do some sort of rota. It still caused WWIII as by the time she died I ended up with around £8k "extra" once everything was sorted. Even offering to pay it back didn't stop the shitstorm.

However, we can only go on the OP's post and the big point of that is that Grandchild F has no idea that their Grandparent didn't like them. The Grandparent has left a really shitty job on someone else's shoulders.

Given the OP's comments about G it's not even that they think it should be an auto split. Just that the situation with F isn't going to be easy.

Some people write their wills knowing it's going to cause trouble for the family and don't give a shit because they'll not be the ones dealing with the fallout.

Why have the child of this person been missed out?
Do they all have money to leave the GC who will inherit?
How are the GC related?

What an awful position to be in. I thought it was usual to divide your estate between your children rather than grandchildren, and then let them sort it out. I can’t see any way this is going to turn out well.

My OH's family has a joking phrase called " Charlie's rules" in their family ( name changed)
A large family lots of elederly and rich aunts, grandparents and grandparents. Many of the younger family members left the area ( including my OH) to live in different parts of the country, sone abroad, others many miles away, leaving the ageing relatives with little of no contact.
Except Charlie ( OHS brother).
He stayed close, and in the later years spent a lot of time visiting, running errands, hosting christmas, taking them to hospital appointments- for decades.
As the elders died, one by one, Charlie found himself to be the main beneficiary of their estates, five now have passed, and Charlie has inherited 5 estates. He is now a very wealthy man.
The rest of the family accept that- Charlie was their life line for decades, it is a running joke, and known as " Charlie's rules".
People are free to leave their inheritance as they see fit.

I have no idea what you should do, but honestly what a petty and spiteful move on the part of the grandparent, especially regarding child F

What should be done is that the assets are distributed as per the wishes of the deceased, which are clearly laid out in the will.

And why assume it’s a deliberately spiteful act? The deceased clearly had better relationships with some grandchildren than others and didn’t particularly approve of the life choices of one in particular. And they decided to reward that financially, as is their right. I have left more to one friend than another as I’m closer to one of them. It’s not done to spite the second friend, it’s done to acknowledge and respect the deep long-lasting friendship with the first. That’s life. Life isn’t particularly fair and some of the grandchildren are now going to learn that. They’re also going to learn that they have no particular right to inherit, and this is a lesson that many have yet to learn, going by the multitude of inheritance threads on here.

If I were you I would sympathise with the other grandkids. Say "this is what the will says - I'm really not sure why it's written like this ". And then step away. It's not your responsibility how the inheritance is shared out and you don't want to be seen as to blame. It's up to Grandchild A if they want to share their inheritance and if they don't then they take responsibility for that.

If a person has been of particular help to the writer of the Will then I think it is an acknowledgement of the Will writer's gratitude to that person for the help to leave them more than others who perhaps never even phoned or visited the Will writer.
There could be other reasons not given here, such as some people being involved in drink and drugs which was not something the Will writer approved of. A spendthrift spouse or in MN terms a cocklodger spouse or partner. Or perhaps some people pressuring the Will Writer for money or goods in their latter years.
I know that I would not be happy to leave money so that excessive amounts of drink and or drugs could be acquired (possibly leading to illness or death of the recipient) nor would I be happy to leave money to keep a cocklodger in the manner to which they would like to become accustomed to.
People like the grandparent in this thread could have been watching carefully to see which grandchild deserved more and which deserve a metaphorical slap.
I agree though that the grandchild who was left the majority should not be criticised or pressurised. It was the choice of the Will Writer.

@Sparklfairy

What's the point in making a will if the beneficiaries are just going to divvy it up between them as THEY see fit rather than the deceased get to actually choose where THEIR money goes?

The point of a will is to allow you to say what you want to happen to your estate, NOT to allow you to control people from beyond the grave. You cannot stop one of your beneficiaries refusing their inheritance or giving some or all of it as a gift to someone else, even if you would have disapproved of the gift. A deed of variation, where the beneficiaries agree to change the terms of your will, is simply a tax-efficient way for them to give away some or all of their inheritance.

In the OP's situation, it is up to the beneficiaries - primarily grandchild A. If grandchild A wants to give some of their inheritance to the other grandchildren they are perfectly entitled to do so.

By the way, contrary to what has been said several times on this thread, a deed of variation does NOT need the agreement of all of those receiving bequests. It only needs the agreement of those who will receive less due to the variation. So, if the effect of the variation is to reduce grandchild A's inheritance and everyone else ends up with more, grandchild A can execute a deed of variation on their own regardless of the views of the other grandchildren.

Why would anyone want to disrespect someone's final wishes?

Why would you want something someone explicitly does not want you to have? That would turn me off straight away. I only go where I'm wantrd and only accept gifts from people who genuinely want to give them to me- not feel obliged or are going through the motions or something I have to fight for . Nope. Respect GP's wishes

The will just has to get divvied out as requested but it is pretty sad. Similar situation in our family years ago - although more along the one favoured grandchild , no bad behaviour amongst the others- and subsequently the family torn apart. Not due to resentment over the lack of inheritance, but over the hurt that the grandchildren felt that their beloved grandparent had so little regard towards them. Devastating. I've not seen half of my family now for several years

It was the grandparents money and house, if they wanted to leave it to the dog home thats there choice!! They obviously had a good relationship with child A, child G will learn a big life lesson that his behaviour had Consequences . Children B,C,D,E , maybe use that money to but towards house deposits if they are young you could but in the money in the help to buy ISA.

A doesn’t have to share and why should they? Of course it will create a rift in the family but A might be happy to do that and keep the money. If A is under 18 they cannot decide to redistribute the money anyway!

How on earth should the will be ‘read’ and should grandchild A split between all?

For me, it would depend on the relationship between the GC - are they siblings? Or a mix of siblings & cousins?

If they are siblings, then yes, I think GC A might consider doing something of a split.

I think wills where people use them to make judgements about others are particularly cruel. But it can also depend on circumstances - if one of the GC is an addict, then no it's not a good idea to leave them things that they can sell to feed the addiction. And one might want to make judgements about a grandson who was an abuser of wife, partner, children. And so on.

But still ... what is sad is that part of the way this grandparent will be remembered is the favouritism of the will. I don't know if I'd want to be remembered that way. Indeed, my will leaves everything in an absolutely equal split. And I know that some of my family need it more than others, but I want to leave everything absolutely equally because that's symbolic of my regard, care & love for them.

@Dastardlythefriendlymutt

Why would anyone want to disrespect someone's final wishes?

Why would you want something someone explicitly does not want you to have? That would turn me off straight away. I only go where I'm wantrd and only accept gifts from people who genuinely want to give them to me- not feel obliged or are going through the motions or something I have to fight for . Nope. Respect GP's wishes

It's not disrespecting their wishes. It's making your own wishes with your inheritance if you want to split it.

Sometimes it's the right thing to do for a person or family.

no bad behaviour amongst the others- and subsequently the family torn apart. Not due to resentment over the lack of inheritance, but over the hurt that the grandchildren felt that their beloved grandparent had so little regard towards them. Devastating

This. People on this thread & elsewhere talk about 'grabby' and 'it's their money, their will" etc.

But if you've seen anything like this actually happen in a family, you see what damage it causes - it's not the actual money - the money etc is symbolic of love and regard.

I agree it’s petty and spiteful and will damage relationships between the GC, which is no doubt what the GP wanted.

I have a family member who did this. He fell out with one of his two children, not because, as PP have suggested, she was a member of A vigilant group or an international drug dealer. It was because she married someone who went to a different church eg Methodist rather than CoE.

The Gf then gave a lot of money when he was alive To his other DD and then left all his money when he died ( about 750k I think ) to the child of that DD.

Not a single penny to The first DD and her 3 children, two of whom have some SN.

That was 5 years ago and I think the money is mostly spend now. That GC gave up his office job and has been living the life of Riley - very fancy holidays , a sports car ( which he had to sell when he lost his licence ) . Lost of new “ best mates “ who he takes on holidays . You can imagine 🙄

It’s done him no good as a person. Partly I’ll admit because he’s been a fool about how he spent it. He was always used to having a lot of money that he never earned.

But at least it wasn’t wasted sending these Methodist children to college!

( details changed of course )

@ItalianHat

no bad behaviour amongst the others- and subsequently the family torn apart. Not due to resentment over the lack of inheritance, but over the hurt that the grandchildren felt that their beloved grandparent had so little regard towards them. Devastating

This. People on this thread & elsewhere talk about 'grabby' and 'it's their money, their will" etc.

But if you've seen anything like this actually happen in a family, you see what damage it causes - it's not the actual money - the money etc is symbolic of love and regard.

Especially when the OP says that Grandchild F has no idea that they weren't liked by the Grandparent.

So obviously not been a life of lesser birthday/Christmas presents etc to get them used to the idea that the GP wasn't keen on them, or happy with their life choices.

What a time to find out that your Gran or Grandad really didn't like you.

Not enough detail, I’m afraid.
Maybe GC F’s “silly life choices” were burning £50s in front of homeless people.
Or MAYBE Fs choices were helping refugees and Granddad was a little Englander.
Either way, the Will stands.
The generation of parents can amend their wills if they wish but that’s up to them.

It should be spilt exactly as specified in the will. It is then up to grandchild A if he/she wants to give any of the money he/she has received to the others.

It sounds very unfair but nothing to be done about it.

Poor GC F - I'm guessing from what you say that it's something like F choosing a non-professional career instead of going to Uni. If s/he really had no idea that their GP felt that way then that will come as a real shock.

@Manolin

It always amazes me that people do not know what the purpose of a Will is.

The person who owned property is now dead. They are physically unable to convey property as a gift to the person or persons to whom they wanted it to go. The Will is the mechanism through which they can convey that property after they have died.

It really is not rocket science.

It amazes me that you seem to have decided that people don't understand how Wills work. Do you always do this and then proceed to explain the obvious to everyone who already understands? You must be terribly hard work to be around.

It's not your place to question the will. Or definitely not talk to A about it?

Direct you anger at the dead person.

Depends what 'silly differences' are, Not really! It only depends on what the person making the will decides to do! Unfair it may be but it is their own estate they are giving away!

Why have the child of this person been missed out? Because! No other reason!

For me, it would depend on the relationship between the GC And if you were one of theo ignored? Would you demand your share?

The symbolism of the money? So hard cash = love? And no behaviour has consequences? Nobody is allowed to write their will based on their truye feelings? Too much hurt...

Nope! The only right thing to do is to accept the will as it is. Each individual must make their peace with what has been done and accept that this is what it is.

if A - E want to pool all assets and divide them equally, or if any of them want to, then fine. They can do that with little hassle - just looking out for the tax implications.

But they have no need to and nobody should take it upon themselves to 'have a word' or persuade them to be 'fair'. All that would do is prove that the will writer had a point!

And yes, I do have experience of uneven wills and fully expect to do so again!

Grandparent sounds like a right see you next Tuesday. Yikes.