Inheritance

[Familyshitshow]

Trying to keep this anonymous as possible for obvious reasons.

Darling Grandparent has left a shit show of a will and we’re not sure how to break it to the grandchildren:

Grandchild A: has got everything except some cash (the house/possessions/car/jewellery etc).
Grandchild B/C/D/E: has got the cash (not huge amounts) split between them.
Grandchild F: has been written out of the will (due to ‘personality differences’).
Grandchild G: nothing (but shouldn’t be too surprised due to behaviour somewhat recently but never that close).

Grandchild A knows they’ve inherited all and knew for a while but was a shock once the Will was written. Most of B/C/E knew it was coming that grandchild A would get all as they were the favoured.

Grandchild F has no idea that not only weren’t they particularly liked by their grandparent (silly life choices that the grand scheme of things aren’t a huge deal), that they need the funds more than all. Grandchild G will be very bitter but don’t really have a leg to stand on.

How on earth should the will be ‘read’ and should grandchild A split between all?

If family members intend to make unequal distributions in their Will, I firmly believe it helps everyone to come to terms with any perceived unfairness if the family member writes letters explaining their decision.

I had a childless aunt who did something similar a few years ago, but her choices of who to exclude were based on the fact that she was a nasty, racist old cow. One cousin was excluded because he married a Black woman and adopted his Black stepdaughter, the other cousin was excluded because of a drug problem that she had completely knocked on the head over a decade earlier, when she was still a teenager (but auntie had never gotten over the 'embarrassment' to the family and basically treated her like a junkie who would steal from everyone's purse, even after said cousin had settled down into a nice, stable middle-class life).

Anyway, the six of us cousins (one set of four siblings including the excluded male, and two onlies, including me and the excluded female) sold the house at a knock-down price to my grand-niece, who had just started her own family, and put the profits from that sale and all the money into a pot and divided it equally between the cousins, with a few of grandad's tools and grandma's quilts and cookware that she still ahd going to the ones of us who cared about it most. Auntie's stuff was tossed or sold, with the exception of her piano, which I gave to a very camp gay friend who sometimes performs as a drag queen. It makes me happy to know how furious that would make my hateful auntie.

I 100% disagree that wills should always be honoured. If you want money or certain items to go to certain people or organisations, sort it out while you're alive. Otherwise, it should be split equally by pre-determined rules up to a certain low value and the rest taxed to oblivion, with certain exceptions for education. Inherited wealth is a scourge.

With the new free filter can see that OP had written 1 post while the rest of us have tried to help or commented 125 times - I'm making it 126.

Love the new filter but it does make me think how many people invest their time for the OP to not invest or never return!

Why would anyone want to disrespect someone's final wishes?

Greed, entitlement and jealousy

If Grandchild G were pissing money up the wall and / or Grandchild F were an odious shit to the deceased, it would be bizarre to gift them money. It’s not an equal opportunities show

Legally the Will is binding. Although anyone can contest its contents if they feel its worth it but its not a done deal that the contest will be upheld. Up to A if they decide to split what they get but legally they don't have to.

If the executors and beneficiaries agree there can be a deed of variation so everyone gets at least something.

Sorry if this has been mentioned I've just realised we're on page 6!

Why would it need "breaking to" the other GC?

Why were they all so sure that they'd get an (even?) split?

It sounds as though it wasn't unexpected.

If the other cousins will no longer want to have anything to do with A if they don't split or give something, then A is better off without them!

It's awful that people do stuff like this.

Their 'will' is to actually leave a load of bitterness and resentment behind. Were they unpleasant people op?

Barring massive issues you don't pick and choose favourite dgc, they should all be treated equally. That said there is of course nothing you can do other than support the ones who got nothing.

As PPs have suggested a deed of variation could be used. Executors can ask about this and all parties must agree.

Just do as the will dictates, regardless of whose needs are greater, who gets more, or less, and what seems "fair".

There seems to be a thing on MN about fairness .... ie all money should be given equally to all involved etc. In this case, that the estate should be entirely liquidated/house and possessions sold etc and the proceeds divided equally between all the grand children. But, at the end of the day, the deceased person wanted their cash and assets to be divided as written and not according to someone else's view of 'fairness" - which shouldn't come into it. They clearly wanted to favour one and exclude another. However unfair that seems, all parties are bound by that IMO.

Grandchild F has no idea that not only weren’t they particularly liked by their grandparent (silly life choices that the grand scheme of things aren’t a huge deal)

You don’t get to decide what is and isn’t a huge deal for somebody else’s life though, do you. We all make up our own minds on that. The grandparent obviously felt strongly enough about this “not a huge deal” and it should be respected instead of minimalized.

!Just do as the will dictates, regardless of whose needs are greater, who gets more, or less, and what seems "fair"."

Well that's what executors should be doing anyway isn't it?

If A was to look into a deed of variation or just redistributing themselves after inheriting, that's up to them!

I am A ........ (Spartacus)

A few years ago if i had read this I would have thought it was disgusting behaviour from grandparents to treat grandchildren differently however. I have seen how a couple of my mums grandchildren have treated her over the last few years and think this grandparent who made the will obviously has justified reasons as to why they have chosen to do this, if only the they had left a letter to explain why!

Will readings still happen in Scotland, as far as I know.

Very difficult OP. I do feel for the one who needs money more than the others, but has been left out. Wills can cause so much hurt and division, as however much to try to put it in context, they basically say in black and white who was the most loved, and who the least.

I would hope that A is generous enough to gift something to F , the best solution for harmony would be for everyone to give a small percentage to F. Of course that leaves G with nothing, but you see, to think that in G’s case it is fair enough ?
The others may decide not to give anything at all to F though.

Two friends of mine were left everything jointly by their Grandmother. She had a neighbour who been very helpful , who had kept an eye on her, done shopping etc. My friends sold the house and split the proceeds three ways with the neighbour , but not many people are that fair or generous.

I'd leave it to the solicitor to break the news. If grandchild a wants to share it out it's up to them. But no family pressure.

Executors can ask about this and all parties must agree

Just to say again, only the beneficiaries who would be left worse off have to agree. So, if grandchild A wants to redistribute their share so that everyone ends up with the same amount, grandchild A would be able to execute a deed of variation on their own.

If the grandparents felt strongly enough to spend the time and money putting this will together then I’m sure there are family circumstances that have led up to it which have not been outlined in your OP.

You need to carry out the wishes of the deceased whether you perceive it to be fair or not, otherwise what’s the point of making a will?

I would go with the deed of variation if possible, anyone to leave a will like that deserves to have their wishes ignored. It will also save most of it going to lawyers if its contested. Don't spend much on their funeral.

I feel sorry for the grandchildren involved BUT the GPs estate should be divided exactly how they asked for it to be. It is their money/house/possessions, they should get to choose how it's split and they have expressed their wishes.

I 100% disagree that wills should always be honoured. If you want money or certain items to go to certain people or organisations, sort it out while you're alive. Otherwise, it should be split equally by pre-determined rules up to a certain low value and the rest taxed to oblivion, with certain exceptions for education

Jesus fucking Christ. I have worked damn hard for my money, my home and other assets. I will continue to do so. Why should it be up to the state to decide what I can do with it? Why should I not be able to decide to leave X amount to one person, Y amount to another and nothing to someone one else because that is what I want to do? Enough of my money is taxed without the state having control over everything that remains after tax.

And as for ‘sort it out while you’re alive’ well, that would be easy if we all knew exactly when we were going to die. But we don’t. So why would anyone give away their house or their money when they may themselves need them for years or even decades to come.

This belief that everything has to be fair is so utterly childish. The only people I see bleating on about things not being fair are children and MN posters on inheritance threads. Life isn’t fair. Get over it.

A few years ago (2009) there was a reading of my MIL's will in the solicitors office (England). This is quite unusual now but it's occasionally deemed appropriate. In this case MIL had died quite suddenly, FIL had dementia and couldn't remember what they'd put in their wills, and the wills were old/out of date, written at a time when they still had dependant children and there would have been a possibility of remarriage for the surviving partner (so there were lifetime trusts etc.) One of their adult sons (for whom additional provision had been made as he was in ill health) had also died the year before. So there were lots of complications and a deed of variation needed to be agreed to make best use of the nil rate band, and also free up funds for the residential care that FIL would need. The "reading" was attended by FIL, DH, his siblings and MIL's three siblings (not beneficiaries/executors but invited for transparency so they could express whether the variation would accord with what MIL would have wanted in the circumstances).

Sorry to waffle, just giving an example of a time when a reading might still happen.

I'm sure a reading could be requested from the solicitor and they'd probably agree but they'd charge the estate for 2-3 hours work which isn't really necessary. You could send each beneficiary a photocopy of the will and let them see for themselves?

My Horrible grandmother left a similar type of will.

All of her spiteful vindictive and self-centred life she had manipulated and controlled family members using her money (not me, as it happens - I hated her guts and stepped back from that a particular madness early on; she disliked me intensely). She played one off against another and dangled promises of rewards that largely never materialised. She damaged my parents' marriage and destroyed the childhoods of her four grandchildren.

Ironically, when she got old only the hated one was available to help her (me!). She didn't trust any of the others. I did the minimum to salve my conscience and arranged a home for her and sold her house, cutting the money into her account to pay for her care. (I was still in an easily guilted state at that time - if I had had the strength then that I do now, I would have told her to go and f*ck herself.

The will named me as executor - I didn't realise that I could refuse that responsibility, so carried it out. It was bliddy awful. The whole family turned against me and accused me of manipulating things. One person was cut out of the will. They contested it. I had to find the witnesses (who were her home helps). to speak to the probate office That was unpleasant as the "cut out" person had already been to see them and threatened them, and they were, understandably, not happy to hear from me.

She had wanted to change her will again to leave everything to me because I was the only one who was bothering with her at that late stage - I can tell you now, I am SO glad I refused! The repercussions were awful as it was - I can't imagine what they would have been like if they'd been able to claim I'd unduly influenced the nasty old cow. Fortunately I hadn't wanted her money in my life before, and I didn't want it then so I just said no.

I'm not saying your GF was the same sort of spiteful person by any means - but be prepared for a lot of fall out. If you are lucky, there will just be disappointment - if not it could be worse.

@Billben

Grandchild F has no idea that not only weren’t they particularly liked by their grandparent (silly life choices that the grand scheme of things aren’t a huge deal)

You don’t get to decide what is and isn’t a huge deal for somebody else’s life though, do you. We all make up our own minds on that. The grandparent obviously felt strongly enough about this “not a huge deal” and it should be respected instead of minimalized.

Not strongly enough to mention it to anyone while they were alive. Only strongly enough to leave the job to someone else to tell F they didn’t like them. Classy.