To be honest about my friend's decorating choices

[simplesimonsays]

Friend has been making the most of lockdown to redecorate her house. We have majorly different tastes in decor, I'm very minimalist, she likes things that are very busy, and friend knows this. A few weeks ago, she asked me for an opinion on a room she had just decorated. I tried to be polite and point out the bits I liked but she pushed me with lots of questions and I could see she was unhappy that I wasn't praising her decorating choices enough. Today she has sent me photos of her just finished bathroom, and I can't think of anything positive to say. Should I just lie and say what a great job she's done or should I be honest and point out that it's just not what I would have chosen?

I was always taught that it's unhelpful/ ill mannered to say anything negative once someone has created / bought something
If they are asking advise on colour schemes BEFORE it's done that's different of course. In this situation the only thing to do is say 'How lovely' Nothing else is helpful, you have different tastes

White lies exist for a reason!

(That said, if your friend is really pressuring you for loads of praise/comments then she's not being fair on you. You could always complement her on the amount of detail she's put into the decorating...)

Are you saying she’s done a bad decorating job or you just don’t like the colours?

I'm afraid I'm too honest! I generally say "Well, it's not my cup of tea but you've done a really good job" and then steer the conversation elsewhere. If they think anything, it's that I have really bad taste!

White lie of course. Style is subjective. Don't over-gush or be too insincere though because it will be obvious to her that your decor is soooo different that you don't really want your place to look like hers

I think there's a point here where you may be forced to be specific. If you can keep it to the skill involved (colour matching, consistent style, neat tiling, eye for little things that match, or mixing styles in a way that works) then do that. If she keeps pushing to ask if you like it, then I think you're entitled to say it's her style not yours but that she's achieved what she set out to do. If she's seen your home and knows your taste, she'll already know it's different. I'm wondering what she's trying to get you to say if she keeps asking for more feedback.

@netsybetsy

White lie of course. Style is subjective. Don't over-gush or be too insincere though because it will be obvious to her that your decor is soooo different that you don't really want your place to look like hers

Yes, exactly. It's perfectly possible to be complimentary about a style you wouldn't put in your own home.

If it isn't your cup of tea, there is absolutely no need to share that information. In the same way you wouldn't see a friend who had just had her hair cut too short and gained three stone and say "gosh haven't you gained weight and that hair style doesn't suit you at all". There are some pieces of information you do not need to say, no matter how 'honest' you believe yourself to be.

The room is done. There is no upside whatsoever in being honest in this scenario.

You say it looks fantastic.

I’m laughing at all the comments from people suggesting the OP finds some bland, neutral comment like ‘I admire the cutting in’ so she can maintain her bounteous virtue by not actually lying.

Do you think your friends are idiots? Do you think anyone with a modicum of intelligence wouldn’t immediately recognise that as the evasive bullshit it so clearly is? Or do you genuinely think you’ve stumbled upon a dazzling moment of true diplomatic genius?

JUST SAY IT’S LOVELY. You aren’t John Proctor signing away your good name. You can manage to smile and say it’s nice over this incredibly low-stakes and inconsequential question without impugning your immortal soul. I promise it will be ok.

JUST SAY IT’S LOVELY. You aren’t John Proctor signing away your good name. You can manage to smile and say it’s nice over this incredibly low-stakes and inconsequential question without impugning your immortal soul. I promise it will be ok.

😂😂😂😂 amazing! Yes! People are so fucking po faced and dramatic on here.

I just CAN'T lie, I just CAN'T . I'm just too honest and pure . Teeeheeheeheehee 🤭.

‘Wow - it looks great!’

I just CAN'T lie, I just CAN'T

@BadLad

I just CAN'T lie, I just CAN'T

This is an orange! 😂

Or, for the surrealists...

'Wow! That looks amazing! I bet you're so pleased with it, I love the taps'

'Wow it looks straight out of a magazine' covers a lot

Are you serious ?

Unless she has asked you specifically "would you choose to decorate your home the same way I have ?" Then there are a hundred different responses that would be supportive and not remotely a lie. Do you like it ? Easy answer that looks brilliant in your home you have worked so hard.

I do not understand the arrogance of some people that they honestly believe their personal choices equate to an opinion on others choices.

Personally I love steampunk vintage decor. I would rather cut off my left nostril than choose to live in a minimalist home. However several of my family do and I love that their home shows me them and how they live. I do like it ...genuinely...for them because it's their way of expressing themselves. I always love the fact that it shows their attention to detail and their balanced perspective. The same way mine shows my flair and interest...well in the past and style changes through the 1900 up to the 1950.

Only an absolute arrogant arse would feel the need to step on this because they would choose something different in their living room.

You don't need to be unpleasant passive aggressively with it wouldn'tbe my choice because she wasn'tsoddig asking that nor do you need to lie, see it for what it is , positive and a reflection of her personality and choices

OP there's no point in saying anything negative. Taste is taste. A good friend of mine decorated her entire house in what I refer to as 'care home' colours - the kind of innocuous, docile colours you see in NHS environments, all light yellow, light coral and light green. It looked really dreadful and EVERY room was a different colour - in addition to the colours above she had a pink room, painted her bathroom turquoise and a second bathroom orange etc. Hot mess. I said nothing - what's the point?

Why can't you do both. Say as you know it isn't my style and I wouldn't personally do my room like this, but I do think you have done an amazing job and it is very you.

"I just knew you'd transform it into something spectacular! You've done an amazing job, such a transformation!"

When I read threads like this I do wonder how some people ever manage to negotiate daily life.

Just be normal and polite and say something nice about it.

It's not a question of whether you like it or not. Your friend has worked extremely hard and is rightly pleased with the results. You don't need to lie either. You can tell her how fresh and bright it is, how hard she has worked and how everything complements each other so well. Taste is such an individual thing and it doesn't mean that your minimalism is better taste than her more flamboyant ideas. Personally l really dislike all the greys, whites and silvers that are around and neither do l like open plan or feature walls and/or wallpaper.

Noone says its not what i would of chosen. Not real friends anyway

She's obviously fishing for a compliment /reassurance and isn't going to tear the wallpaper down based on your opinion.

So just lie your pants off and say it is the best thing since Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel.

It isn't your home it doesn't have to be your choice there are many ways to be kind.
I always know by Dsis face luckily I don't care I'd hate to live in her clinical cream home though I'd always compliment something she chose she only has the ability to like things that she'd choose for herself.