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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be honest about my friend's decorating choices

166 replies

simplesimonsays · 27/08/2020 19:08

Friend has been making the most of lockdown to redecorate her house. We have majorly different tastes in decor, I'm very minimalist, she likes things that are very busy, and friend knows this. A few weeks ago, she asked me for an opinion on a room she had just decorated. I tried to be polite and point out the bits I liked but she pushed me with lots of questions and I could see she was unhappy that I wasn't praising her decorating choices enough. Today she has sent me photos of her just finished bathroom, and I can't think of anything positive to say. Should I just lie and say what a great job she's done or should I be honest and point out that it's just not what I would have chosen?

OP posts:
Zhampagne · 27/08/2020 21:57

Compliment the process if you don't like the outcome and can't lie convincingly.

Wow, you've worked so hard.
The pattern matching must have been tricky on that wallpaper and you've done a brilliant job.
How did you do x?
That piece is really unusual. Where did you find it?
You must be so proud of it.
etc etc

Prig · 27/08/2020 22:03

Don't say "it's very you". Anyone with a brain cell of emotional intelligence will understand how dismissive it is and that it means you just couldn't bring yourself to be polite. Ugh.... Seriously can't believe people can't just get over their own issues and say IT'S LOVELY, WELL DONE.

Waveysnail · 27/08/2020 22:03

Just say great job (with a thumbs up)

stovetopespresso · 27/08/2020 22:19

neck half a bottle of wine in her bathroom, say it looks shit then spill the rest of the wine on it - she'll need to redecorate hopefully in better taste

WanderingMilly · 27/08/2020 22:24

You can 'not like it' yourself but still say nice things without lying. Just because it isn't to your taste you don't need to tell her that. Instead, say how hard she's worked, you're impressed at how she's really making changes to her home, how the colours reflect her style. She's a friend, therefore support her, it doesn't matter that you'd never choose the same colours for your own place...no need to say that bit.

BrummyMum1 · 27/08/2020 22:24

My go to response is “it looks great are you pleased”? Direct it straight back. She just wants to show you she’s pleased, she doesn’t want your actual opinion.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 27/08/2020 22:27

Lie!

It’s not as though she can come I and do you r bathroom the same!

Lilyargin · 27/08/2020 22:30

Can’t you say ‘what great cutting in’ or how well it’s finished?
These comments are better than ‘its very you’ imo

bananaskinsnomnom · 27/08/2020 22:38

You have to just keep a straight face and say “looks great, well done you for doing it yourself”. You don’t have to love with it after all, so why does she need to know that you hate it?

My house is very neutral (mostly white walls) but I have lots of bits and bobs and blankets and cushions and things I like - it’s my house! I’ve had comments (with laughter) “that’s such Banana thing to buy!” It’s mean, don’t do it. Just close your eyes in the bathroom.

bananaskinsnomnom · 27/08/2020 22:38

Love with it?! I mean live with it!

Userzzz · 27/08/2020 22:39

You need to lie and say it’s beautiful. She went to all that trouble and she just wants some praise. Poor thing. People remember how you make them feel. you should have made her feel nice about it.

Inkpaperstars · 27/08/2020 22:44

I don't think people should be offended if others are honest about their different tastes. I went into a furniture shop with a friend (pre Covid!) and most of the stuff Is liked she said she would never pick as it was too pretty, too feminine. I didn't mind that at all because that's often the look I am going for. I often admire rooms that are not my taste at all, but I can see they have been really well designed for the look they are going for, and what the resident likes.

If it's easier to lie that's fine, but I agree just go with something along the lines of you've really succeeded in what you set out to do, you must be thrilled etc.

Inkpaperstars · 27/08/2020 22:46

Ps. You can genuinely say a room is well designed and executed even if you personally don't like it. I really don't like mid century modern but I often admire great examples of it.

Onestepup · 27/08/2020 22:48

Say something like 'My favourite styles are minimalist so our tastes aren't the same, but I can really appreciate the work you've put in and it's great you're so pleased with it'. Presumably she wouldn't be particularly keen on your choices either, but why should that be a problem? It is nothing personal to have different tastes or opinions to a friend, and she shouldn't take it that way. Don't 'just lie' to your friend.

Mishmased · 27/08/2020 23:21

@Toilenstripes

I lied to my sister who then decided she had a gift for interior design and offered to do my house. 😬
Noooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Coldwinterahead1 · 28/08/2020 08:09

My friend is like this, very grey and crushed velvet (not me). But I say well done, that’s impressive, that room is very you! Etc. Its called being kind and thinking of others.

Arsewell · 28/08/2020 08:30

Don't say it's "very you", you might as well say "that's just the type of crap I'd expect you to go for."

BranchAndPoppy · 28/08/2020 08:35

@Onestepup

Say something like 'My favourite styles are minimalist so our tastes aren't the same, but I can really appreciate the work you've put in and it's great you're so pleased with it'. Presumably she wouldn't be particularly keen on your choices either, but why should that be a problem? It is nothing personal to have different tastes or opinions to a friend, and she shouldn't take it that way. Don't 'just lie' to your friend.
Jesus, don't say this^^.

So many good options on here, which aren't out and out lies, but will actually not make her cry! She sounds as if she might cry.

I don't like people who lie for no reason or to get away with nasty stuff, but I equally dislike people who prize brutal honesty over good manners and kindness. "I tell it straight me" usually is just code for "I'm extremely rude, unnecessarily critical and unpleasant to be around" 🤷‍♀️.

As I said on page 1, it isn't lying to appraise it from her perspective and say how nice it is for her. Who cares that "I have more minimalist taste than you". Not about you is it? So this comes across as weird and unnecessary tbh.

Many options on here but;

"Ah well done! (Because she has completed a big job. Even if you don't like it, she deserves a well done), What a transformation! I think that bathmat goes perfectly with the tiles. Omg, did you do the tiling yourself? That is really impressive (Unless it is falling off the walls etc - I mean, doing your own tiling, for example, is actually very impressive, even if your oh so important Hmm minimalist sensibilities, mean you don't like the end result). You really have a good eye for detail (unless she clearly doesn't)." Etc.

Nobody cares what your "personal tastes" are and how they are different to theirs, when they are asking what you think of their bathroom Confused.

Nottherealslimshady · 28/08/2020 08:35

Just because it's not "you" doesn't mean it's not good. You know what her style is so if it's in line with her style then it's good surely?

BranchAndPoppy · 28/08/2020 08:36

I agree, "it's very you" sounds bitchy, especially to someone who is a bit sensitive / needy.

Bluntness100 · 28/08/2020 08:38

Say something like 'My favourite styles are minimalist so our tastes aren't the same, but I can really appreciate the work you've put in and it's great you're so pleased with it

Oh my, this might win the prize on what not to say, “it’s great you’re so pleased with it” 😱

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/08/2020 08:44

I’d just say it looks lovely.

Please don’t be one of those people who pride themselves on ‘speaking their mind’ because they ‘can’t bring themselves to lie’ or some such hypocritical crap - it usually means they’re convinced they’re always right and enjoy putting other people straight - as they see it.

It nearly always means someone who goes through life upsetting people right, left and centre.

I have an aunt who’s always been like this - talk about the Awful Warning!

BadLad · 28/08/2020 08:45

@Onestepup

Say something like 'My favourite styles are minimalist so our tastes aren't the same, but I can really appreciate the work you've put in and it's great you're so pleased with it'. Presumably she wouldn't be particularly keen on your choices either, but why should that be a problem? It is nothing personal to have different tastes or opinions to a friend, and she shouldn't take it that way. Don't 'just lie' to your friend.
Or you could just do this (see gif). You'd probably upset your friend less.
To be honest about my friend's decorating choices
BranchAndPoppy · 28/08/2020 08:47

GrinGrinGrin

tornadoalley · 28/08/2020 09:27

If you redecorated your bedroom in your minimalist style and your friend picked fault and said she didn't like it, would you be very upset?

There's your answer,

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