To be honest about my friend's decorating choices

[simplesimonsays]

Friend has been making the most of lockdown to redecorate her house. We have majorly different tastes in decor, I'm very minimalist, she likes things that are very busy, and friend knows this. A few weeks ago, she asked me for an opinion on a room she had just decorated. I tried to be polite and point out the bits I liked but she pushed me with lots of questions and I could see she was unhappy that I wasn't praising her decorating choices enough. Today she has sent me photos of her just finished bathroom, and I can't think of anything positive to say. Should I just lie and say what a great job she's done or should I be honest and point out that it's just not what I would have chosen?

I bought a new car before that I'd worked hard to save for and really liked. I was so happy about it.
When I showed my dsis she said "o yeah, i just dont like the back of them".. Its NINE years later and I still remember this.
So my advice would be as PP said to lie. If she is happy and it's to her taste then just go along with her.

Lie through your teeth! What's actually to be gained from honesty here?

Just be polite and move on. If someone replied to me showing them my newly decorated bathroom with ' it isn't what I would have chosen' it would be the end of our friendship

If it’s done well tell her that it looks great/professional. If the finish isn’t great just say how well it goes together/is very her/goes with the rest of the house/must have taken her ages/

I really wish that we could all be honest but societal preference precludes it, so just strangulate the truth and say 'wow! You've done amazing things ! I'd never think to have ( crotched toilet roll holders/pine ceiling/an island 😂/ real grass etc..)

Just be kind and say she's done a good job. You don't have to say you like it- just say, 'what a transformation! You've done such a good job!' That doesn't mean you like her taste, but praises her effort. Don't let it worry you.

Being honest would be mean.

You say things like, 'I bet you're thrilled' or 'well done' or 'what a transformation!'. Then you haven't lied nor been snarky.

My friend has recently bought a sofa which I think is hideous - it's a big corner affair with a footstool thing that springs up. It's just awful but I said, 'it's SO comfy!' (it is) and 'it really goes well in this room' (it does as it suits the rest of the decor).

DH's dad is a bit on the spectrum so replies with radical honesty about everyone else's decorating choices - his brain can't take visual noise, so anything other than white walls and extreme minimalism is a no-no in his book. AFAIK this brutal honesty has never led to anything good. People just feel a bit deflated and insulted.

You don't have to live in her house OP so just pretend you love it! If she tries to come round and do the same thing at your place then you can tell her what you really think.

@toomanyspiderplants

Just say it's very her!

That.

You could also say something positive about her decorating skills if not her taste.

Just lie. It’s not like you have to live there

“Oh wow, looks great! Well done” etc

I also wouldn't be offended if you came round and told me you thought it was bland. I don't care, because you don't have to live here

Really? Because you jumped quickly on that and seem very defensive.

I also think minimalist is generally short hand for bland and empty because “I’m skint and can’t afford stuff so I call it minamilist”. Very very few people get it right. To make minimalist look good you need some very beautiful pieces to pull it off. Be it stand out sofas, luxury rugs, beautiful coffee tables, large exotic plants, quirky sculptures, luxury blinds.

It is not white walls, with some flat pack furniture And some cheapo window treatments, far from it. That’s just I’m skint with no imagination so let’s pretend it’s minimalist.

Be honest.

Just say it isn't your taste but it's done nicely and you can see how hard she worked.

People have different tastes.

You wouldn't expect everyone to fancy your husband, why would you expect everyone to like your decor?

It's fine.

My bestie hates my bed throw. It's fine.

You wouldn't expect everyone to fancy your husband, why would you expect everyone to like your decor?

Actually some women do think everyone fancies their husband and every woman is a risk. You see it all the time. It’s mind boggling.

Of course you lie.

One of my friends decorated her downstairs last year. Each room has loud colourful wallpaper, some rooms lead open planned onto another and the wallpapers clash. Friend loves it and I would never say a bad word about it to her and I’m sure she thinks my house is extremely dull as all my walls are pained in neutral colours.

This sort of situation is what white lies are made for.

Tell her it is awesome.

Admire her bold choice of colour, be thrilled at how it has all come together, be delighted for her.

When people pretend that posters are mean on AIBU, it's only because it's the place to be absolutely honest.

In real life, of course you stay diplomatic and as nice as you can. What can you possibly win in being bitchy, even if it's honest? No one is perfect, your friend probably put up with one of your annoying habits or expression - for a peaceful and kind life, you lie.

Hurting people for the sake of it is just being bitchy.

No need to lie at all.
I'd just say "well, you've seen my house, you know we have really different tastes, which is great. Be boring if we were all the same." Then I might ask her "How did you do that {insert something she's shown you} / how did you make those' type question.

Or, a friend of mine says "Well, it wouldn't be my choice" when you show her a new dress or something, and then sometimes follows up with 'but I like the colour' {or part of what she is being shown}.
I'll always go to her for advice, as I know I can trust her opinion, she doesn't lie or try to pander the person asking. It is much more helpful.

I wonder why she's so desperate for your opinion? She must know your taste is completely different.

Don't lie but also don't tell her it's not what you would have chosen. There are other options, it's not that black and white. Say something about the effort she made, how quickly she got it done, how cool to get towels that match the wallpaper, how pleased she must be to relax in it now or some such. Would you really want her saying that she thought your house was bland and uninviting? There is no need for full honesty!

I just say things with an implied "for you" at the end of each compliment and then it's not a lie, because they're true...for her.

OMG it's perfect for you

I love it for you

Those tiles work so well for you

I love the colours for you

Oh gosh , you've done so well
I love the towels , loo roll holder , mirror , whatever
It's so well put together
Lie , obviously

Can you see if the quality of the work/finish good, OP? If so, that's a good thing you can mention while being truthful.