To be honest about my friend's decorating choices

[simplesimonsays]

Friend has been making the most of lockdown to redecorate her house. We have majorly different tastes in decor, I'm very minimalist, she likes things that are very busy, and friend knows this. A few weeks ago, she asked me for an opinion on a room she had just decorated. I tried to be polite and point out the bits I liked but she pushed me with lots of questions and I could see she was unhappy that I wasn't praising her decorating choices enough. Today she has sent me photos of her just finished bathroom, and I can't think of anything positive to say. Should I just lie and say what a great job she's done or should I be honest and point out that it's just not what I would have chosen?

She doesn't want your opinion, she wants your approval. Just tell her that it's all very her style with a smiley!

If someone has redecorated you can say nice things without lying even if it isn’t to your taste. I have a colleague who was really excited about decorating her new flat. Her tastes are totally different to mine. She likes high gloss, light greys, mirror effect and copper/rose gold. I like cast iron, and dark greens and blues and brass/gold. She’s finished everything to a really high standard and I wasn’t lying when I said it looked lovely. It isn’t what I’d personally choose, but why on earth would I tell her that? There’s no need, she knows that I have different tastes because she’s seen pictures of how I decorated my house. We both said nice things about each other’s choices without either of us needing to be dishonest.

Surprised at the amount of people who are so moralistic they simply couldn’t bring themselves to tell a little white lie and tell a friend their decor looked great.

Personally I’ve no such qualms and would simply say it’s fantastic, because my friendship and making my friend feel good, would be way more important to me than the morals of telling a Little white lie.

Just lie and tell her you like it. Imagine if the situation was reversed - how do you think she would reply if you asked her about your decorating? We all have differing tastes in many things, but it is rude to tell someone you don't like their taste when they ask for an opinion. Is it worth losing a friendship simply because you can't tell a white lie?

If someone ever said something I'd designed or made was "very me", I think I'd suspect that meant they didn't like it.

I'd probably go the route of just saying it looks great, she did a wonderful job, etc., but I could probably find something specific that I genuinely liked about it.

I doubt she'll ask to decorate your place next, but if she does, just say you're not ready for a change or you want to do it yourself to put your own stamp on it. But otherwise? Why not make her feel good about her hard work?

My best friend has (to me) the most appalling taste in decor. She often repaints and upcycles furniture and moves stuff around and it always looks bonkers to me. But I love her - and I don't have to live there - and so I always tell her how much I like it and how much it suits her. She knows it's not to my taste because she has seen my house, but she loves my appreciation!

Lie, lie, lie until your nose is so long it's poking through the rings of Saturn!

@Bluntness100

Surprised at the amount of people who are so moralistic they simply couldn’t bring themselves to tell a little white lie and tell a friend their decor looked great.

Personally I’ve no such qualms and would simply say it’s fantastic, because my friendship and making my friend feel good, would be way more important to me than the morals of telling a Little white lie.

Exactly this. I can’t imagine saying anything even slightly negative about a friend’s new decor!

I wouldn’t care if my friends hated my decor but I’d think they were pretty rude if they told me as much.

A simple ‘that looks fantastic’ should do!

Why is it so difficult for some people to appreciate a different style? it may not be what you would choose for your own home but you can appreciate it for what it is, I’m not overly fond of scandi chic but my cousin has renovated her house completely in that style, it looks fabulous, not what I would personally choose, but fabulous all the same.

Just a, "Wow that's some transformation you must be very proud how its turned out." You really don't need to say it's not to your taste and upset her, just acknowledge the work and end result. Sure if the boot was on the other foot I'm sure you'd prefer the same rather than her honest opinion if she really didn't like it.

Lie. There's nothing good to come from being truthful.

Can you just say fairly neutral stuff like:

The finish looks very neat
The work is really good quality
That colour/shape/theme is very on-trend right now
And ask her where she sourced stuff from...

Tell her the truth, then she won’t ask again 😉

@BackforGood

No need to lie at all. I'd just say "well, you've seen my house, you know we have really different tastes, which is great. Be boring if we were all the same." Then I might ask her "How did you do that {insert something she's shown you} / how did you make those' type question.

Or, a friend of mine says "Well, it wouldn't be my choice" when you show her a new dress or something, and then sometimes follows up with 'but I like the colour' {or part of what she is being shown}.
I'll always go to her for advice, as I know I can trust her opinion, she doesn't lie or try to pander the person asking. It is much more helpful.

Hardly the same to be truthful about some clothes which you genuinely don't believe are flattering, and a personal opinion about a newly redecorated home.

How is your real opinion helpful here? She is not going to redecorate .

But if she likes it, then why does she need to press for others to say they like it too, if they don't ?
I'm not out to upset anyone over trivial things like opinions on decor (or clothes) but I'm not going to actually lie either.
As I said, I'd make some reference to us having different tastes, and find something to admire - like her work skills or even her energy.

What is the point in trying to make a friend say something nice? That means that, when they say something nice next time, you have no clue whether they like it or not. If I say "I really like your new bathroom", then my friends / family know I mean it.

You don't have to like a particular style to praise it. I have my own particular 'likes' and some specific dislikes in styles. But that doesn't mean I can't recognize a good example of decorating in a style I dislike.

If you think hard, I'm sure you'll be able to think of something nice to say without being dishonest. There are plenty of compliments that don't include the words "I love it!!".

But if she likes it, then why does she need to press for others to say they like it too, if they don't ?
who knows, she has been in lockdown like everybody else, maybe she needs a boost, maybe a bit of enthusiasm, a bit of friendly pat on the back, maybe she just needs a friend. How hard is it to be one.

Just lie. Or say we'll my style is very different but this looks great for such an such style. It's very self involved to think you have to let her know it is different to your tastes. It's as if you couldn't possibly etbher think you liked something so ugly.

Pick social cohesion

Christ don’t be an arse. Say oh yes typical you! Or some such and move on

@toomanyspiderplants

Just say it's very her!

This

She already knows that you don't like it as you have different tastes & weren't praising her enough previously.

Do the photos even need a comment?

It’s interesting though that the op has clearly demonstrated that she would be offended if someone told her they didn’t like her decor, with the snippy response of “ I don’t care you don’t need to live here”

But would consider doing it to a friend.

Happy to dole it out,,,but not to take it.

I’d just say ‘it’s really not my taste so you are asking the wrong person to judge it. It looks very good for your particular taste though.’

She has finished the decorating so why would you upset her with how you feel about it. It’s not your house so you don’t have to live in it. If, however, she had asked for advice before starting it then maybe a suggestion or two. Also your minimalist home might not be what she would want. Sometimes minimalist may to some people look cold and lack personality.
In any event please don’t upset her. Imagine how you would feel if someone appeared not to like your decorating after a lot of hard work and expense.

My friend spent a fortune getting a new open plan kitchen diner knocked through, fitted etc with massive attention to detail, emailing every tiny detail from door knobs to light fittings and hobs etc...

I honestly think it looks dreadful. It’s just not my taste at all. It’s hard to look at it, and I don’t want to say the colours as it would be too outing but they clash and look bizarre (think royal blue and Fuschia) and my honest thoughts on seeing the pictures were “ERRRGHHHHHHH her taste is in her arse!”

But I would never hurt her feelings.

Every picture, “WOW! It looks fantastic.” “You must be so happy with it!” “Great choice” etc etc. She thinks everyone adores it and is a little bit envious of her. I’m happy to let her think that. What would telling her the truth achieve?!