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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two months to decide or never have another baby

148 replies

Whatnext2018 · 27/08/2020 17:42

Hi all,

After 9 years struggling to conceive, miscarriages and an emergency ectopic right tube loss) on the third round of ivf I fell pregnant at age 39.
We now have a gorgeous 2 year old Dd.
We had one remaining embryo frozen from my cycle at 39, they keep it for us until the end of November.
I have to decide (quickly) if we will try again by implanting it in the next couple of months.
I’d be 42 when i got pregnant, 43 when the baby was born.
I’m just really unsure, I’m thinking it would be unlikely to work anyway as we failed so many other cycles and our girl is a miracle, but I feel sad at her being an only child.
I’m also not sure I’m too old..! The egg would be from when I was 39, so not ‘As’ bad, but still...what would you do?

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 27/08/2020 17:44

I'd go for it.

vinoandbrie · 27/08/2020 17:44

Just do it. Go for it. Good luck!

Candyapple49 · 27/08/2020 17:44

I would go for it ! Good luck for whatever you decide x

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 27/08/2020 17:45

I would definitely go for it!

AllTheCakes · 27/08/2020 17:46

You’ll forever wonder if you don’t try.

Kpo58 · 27/08/2020 17:47

I'd go for it. I'd rather think, at least I tried and it didn't work, than wanting a second child, not doing it and thinking if only I had at least tried to do it.

Pearsapiece · 27/08/2020 17:47

I would try and fate will take its course

ginnybag · 27/08/2020 17:47

Could you comfortably afford a second child through to adulthood, remembering they would be still in their early twenties, possibly at home, possibly at uni when you're looming to ease up and retire?

Could you deal with the loss if it didn't work, or would it be a huge upset?

Are you comfortable with a pregnancy under current circumstances re Covid?

If the answer to all three is yes, I'd role the dice and let fate decide.

Byallmeans · 27/08/2020 17:47

Do you want another?

We let out last one be defrosted. We had two successful rounds out of three. Pregnancy is not for me and I was so tired.

I had a 18 year gap between my dd1 and my last two and dd1 did just fine. Things are a lot cheaper with just one!

DuggeeHugs · 27/08/2020 17:48

I'd go for it because I'd rather know one way or the other

StateOfTheUterus · 27/08/2020 17:48

I had my second at 43, I was very worried about genetic abnormalities and if I’d have enough energy to cope. I won’t lie, the first year was hard! But she is 4 now, and has brought me so much happiness.

queenmother · 27/08/2020 17:48

You've already got a 2 year old so you're already in the thick of it so don't worry about being too old. Do you like being a mum?

Twigaletta · 27/08/2020 17:50

Do it! If it doesn't work you can always reassure yourself you gave it your best shot.

chickenninja · 27/08/2020 17:53

Yeah go for it!!

Ami100 · 27/08/2020 17:54

Honestly go for it! You're happy with one so it won't be the end of the world if it didn't work but oh so magical if it did. Don't worry about your age. I have a 6 month old son who I gave birth to at 46. My lucky ivf baby my first and probably last but we've got more embryos so who knows ? Good luck with whatever you decide

Poorpigletsrevenge · 27/08/2020 17:55

Go for it! I have several friend having their first at 42.

Backtobasics5 · 27/08/2020 17:56

I would go for it in your case. I would rather try and if it didn’t happen well at least you tried anyway.

lurkingattheback · 27/08/2020 17:56

Why will they only keep it for such a short while? Frozen embryos can be stored for 10 years, 12 due to Covid if you give additional consent.

Original poster
Whatnext2018 · 27/08/2020 17:59

I do like being a mum, it’s hard, as we all know! but she’s brought us so much joy.

The emotional side calls to me, the thought of a baby and definitely a sibling for dd throughout life (especially as we’re a little bit older)

It’s definitejy the age thing as in how old we’ll be when they’re grown and possible birth detects..but would that only be an issue from the age of the frozen embryo, or am I being thick there?

It would definitejy be cheaper and easier I imagine with one and life would be more likely to go back closer to our ‘Old life’ sooner..a little bit of freedom/time out
and so on.

There’s just that ‘What if’ feeling and how wonderful it would be for our dd.

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 27/08/2020 17:59

Do what’s right for you & your family. Good luck with the choice you make.

EL8888 · 27/08/2020 18:01

I vote go for it

LadyLairdArgyll · 27/08/2020 18:01

Go for it OP, good luck Flowers

formerbabe · 27/08/2020 18:01

Yep, I'd go for it.

justchecking1 · 27/08/2020 18:02

I'm pretty sure they screen embryos for genetic abnormalities, but check with your clinic.

I would go for it. 2-3 years really isn't going to make much difference in terms of your parenting between 39 and 42

justchecking1 · 27/08/2020 18:03

I mean I how old you'll be by the time they grow up

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