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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two months to decide or never have another baby

148 replies

Whatnext2018 · 27/08/2020 17:42

Hi all,

After 9 years struggling to conceive, miscarriages and an emergency ectopic right tube loss) on the third round of ivf I fell pregnant at age 39.
We now have a gorgeous 2 year old Dd.
We had one remaining embryo frozen from my cycle at 39, they keep it for us until the end of November.
I have to decide (quickly) if we will try again by implanting it in the next couple of months.
I’d be 42 when i got pregnant, 43 when the baby was born.
I’m just really unsure, I’m thinking it would be unlikely to work anyway as we failed so many other cycles and our girl is a miracle, but I feel sad at her being an only child.
I’m also not sure I’m too old..! The egg would be from when I was 39, so not ‘As’ bad, but still...what would you do?

OP posts:
BabyMoonPie · 27/08/2020 18:48

I'm 40 and have been TTC our second child for 16 months. DD is 3. I have the same concerns about being older but i can't do anything about my age. My big concern is her being lonely now as she has no cousins or young family members and potentially struggling to cope on her own when me and DH are older (although I know there's no guarantee they would get on). I wish I'd looked into ivf after 12 months TTC so I could say I'd tried everything. In your shoes I'd try as trying and failing must be better than not trying and wondering what if

GameSetMatch · 27/08/2020 18:49

GO for It! It’s a no brainier, it might not work but at least you tried and wouldn’t think ‘what if’ for the rest of your life.

AdditionalCharacter · 27/08/2020 18:49

I'd have to go for it as I'd be full of what ifs for the rest of my life.

peppermintpigs · 27/08/2020 18:51

I would do it, if I didnt try I'd really regret it.

mintyt · 27/08/2020 18:51

Go for it with the mindset that it will possibly fail, but you gave it your best shot. If the outcome is a sibling then that will be wonderful. But only you know the heartbreak that is involved. I wish you well. Xx good luck

SpeckledyHen · 27/08/2020 18:54

Go for it . You will always wonder....

Had my first at 39 and second at 42 . No defects but I had an amnio on both occasions.

AntiHop · 27/08/2020 18:54

I'm 42 and pregnant with number 2. We have a 5 year old and were undecided about trying for another. We decided to give it a go and let fate decide.

Manolin · 27/08/2020 18:55

Nothing better than diving into your fears head first.

Widdendream77 · 27/08/2020 18:56

Another one saying do it. Ttc for almost 5 years with 8 mcs to give our dd almost 7 a sibling and at 43 think we are finally giving up seriously trying, but if a miracle happened we would embrace it.

happytoday73 · 27/08/2020 18:56

Must admit I agree with everyone else... As long as you can afford/like being a mum... Go for it.... Let fate decide... Otherwise you will always wonder what if

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 27/08/2020 18:56

Please do it, if you can. It would be so lovely for your family! Good luck!

Pringlemonster · 27/08/2020 18:58

Go for it ,you will forever regret it if u dont

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/08/2020 19:02

If you’d like another child and you think you can cope with any reasonably likely negative impacts as well as (of course!) all the positives ones then try. Don’t do it “for” your daughter. She may be happy with a sibling she may not. You really don’t know how a sibling would impact her.

Potterpotterpotter · 27/08/2020 19:03

I’d go for it.

One last chance

KitKatastrophe · 27/08/2020 19:03

Go for it, what will be will be.

MumOfOneAndAHalf · 27/08/2020 19:06

I had DS1 from 4th fresh round icsi at age 36, and had DS2 From an fet from same round age 38.
I have one embryo remaining and it breaks my heart the thought of leaving it behind.
Do what is right for you. Life is busy with 2, but I would go for it!
Good luck whatever you decide.

Pandsbear · 27/08/2020 19:08

I let our embryos go (after twins). Not my choice but DHs in the end-something I will always regret. At peace with it now but it took a long time to get to that stage. (Like grieving.) I would say go for it.

footprintsintheslow · 27/08/2020 19:09

If you were successful there's a nice mature mums thread here for you....

Thread 2 for us classed as more mature pregnant ladies www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3959979-Thread-2-for-us-classed-as-more-mature-pregnant-ladies

Original poster
Whatnext2018 · 27/08/2020 19:10

Wow, so many lovely comments, thank you!

I am concerned about the covid issues and the way the world is going at the moment, I’m also recovering I think from long term covid, hence the not thinking about this properly until now!

I remember us being given a 3 year date if keeping them? It was on the nhs in another country (we don’t live in the uk, although an British) so perhaps it’s dufferent rules, I need to contact them asap!

Being younger and having shed loads of money would help..but when wouldn’t it 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatnext2018 · 27/08/2020 19:12

It does tear at my heart thinking of letting it go and what will happen to it.

OP posts:
Chantelli · 27/08/2020 19:15

Go for it OP. Wishing you all the very best Flowers

Mommabear20 · 27/08/2020 19:16

I think you always regret the things you don't do more than the things you do.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/08/2020 19:19

Go for it - whatever happens you have a beautiful child already - anything else is a bonus.

eggontoast2 · 27/08/2020 19:22

Go for it! I'm over 40 and have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. Both through IVF.
It's hard work but I'm glad DS1 has a sibling as we are older parents. I'm hoping they will look after each other.
Fate/luck will decide.

Phoenix21 · 27/08/2020 19:22

I’m in this position and plan to go for the second embryo next year when my toddler is 2 and me, 40.
Mainly because as older parents I want my child to have a sibling so they hopefully won’t be alone when we pass.

If it doesn’t work out that’s fine, I’m not going through the horrors of IVF again.

Yes I’m aware siblings don’t always get on.

The three year limit might be free storage with payment after that (our embryo is in mainland Europe).