Two months to decide or never have another baby

[Whatnext2018]

Hi all,

After 9 years struggling to conceive, miscarriages and an emergency ectopic right tube loss) on the third round of ivf I fell pregnant at age 39.
We now have a gorgeous 2 year old Dd.
We had one remaining embryo frozen from my cycle at 39, they keep it for us until the end of November.
I have to decide (quickly) if we will try again by implanting it in the next couple of months.
I’d be 42 when i got pregnant, 43 when the baby was born.
I’m just really unsure, I’m thinking it would be unlikely to work anyway as we failed so many other cycles and our girl is a miracle, but I feel sad at her being an only child.
I’m also not sure I’m too old..! The egg would be from when I was 39, so not ‘As’ bad, but still...what would you do?

One last roll of the dice with no expectations

Do it. Nothing to lose! I had my third at 40 so my egg was the same age as yours, she’s a healthy 5 year old. Good luck

I’d do it.

I conceived my DD naturally at 40, born at 41. Am now 42 and if I could afford another I’d try. We can’t, so we won’t. But in your position I would do it. It probably won’t work and then you’ll have closure.

We did. I had DTs at 44 and one left in the freezer. I was happy with two but would also have been happy with three, and didn't like the idea of destroying the third embryo. We agreed to let God/fate decide and went for it when the DCs were 18 months. It didn't take and I am still very happy with my two lovely DCs.

BUT - as I'm sure you already know - the hormones you take prior to implant are quite strong, and for a week or two I was absolutely devastated. I couldn't work out why as I thought I was relaxed about the outcome either way - but I was in bits. I'd never done IVF before the successful one so wasn't prepared, and it was only when my sister mentioned the hormones that I realised why I was so upset. As soon as they wore off I was fine, and have always been glad I tried and wouldn't be forever wondering.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

You only regret the things you don't do. I kept going until "the eggs (and the money) ran out". It was a long 11 years and we were never successful, but I could not have lived with myself if we hadn't continued to try.

Eventually adopted a large sibling group, and now are foster carers too. As an only child with no biological family (all now passed away) I so so know the importance of siblings personally, and so glad my children have each other and will not face the loneliness that has always been a sadness in my life. Hence I suppose why we have always a household of children even though ours are now adult.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Just try! I’d go for it

Go for it. Que sera sera.

Go for it.

Do it. You’ll always wonder otherwise.x

Do it op!😁

Do it and what will be will be x

Go for it

Go for it!

I would in a heartbeat
But I am 46 and still hoping for a second!

I had a rough ride with fertility treatment after having 5 failed attempts after birth of my first dc I stopped because my health was being affected. But had one frozen lot left and ended up trying one last time as I felt I'd always be thinking what if and decided I'd not regret trying but possibly would regret not trying - I ended up with twins.
Its a very personal decision for me one last attempt was the right decision.

Do it! Good luck!

Go for it... 100%!

Go for it. The "what ifs" would drive me crazy otherwise.

I would go for it. You’ll always wonder if you don’t.

I had IVF using a donor last year. I got 5 embryos so had one inserted as part of the IVF and a second a couple of months later. Neither took, but I’m planning to try with the other three frozen embryos at some point. I’m having a break right now to give me some time out from it but will try it in a few months whatever the Covid situation is when I’m ready.

Covid is part of the world now so will be around forever but my fertility chances won’t be.

Do whatever feels right to you.

We went through IVF and conceived first time and froze a batch of embryos. I delivered our DD at 42 and she is amazing. I too had to decide quickly whether we wanted another one.

I really did not enjoy being pregnant and was concerned of any potential health issues with the next one due to my age, so we decided to stick with our little miracle and no regrets. She is a confident, strong individual and we maintain regular contact with family and she has eight cousins which gives us the comfort that she won't be alone etc.

Our other consideration was the unwritten social pressure of having the 'perfect family of four'. A lot of our friends went down this route and they just seem permanently tired, living in cramped conditions and not really enjoying the early years of their kids childhood. It gets easier as the kids get older though.

It's a tough, very personal decision, what does your heart say??

Personally I wouldn't. Two is so much harder than 1. And I know a lot of happy only children- what they lose in not having a sibling they more than gain in other ways. I think going for it is fine as long as you really are prepared for all eventualities - pregnancy loss, the affects on your own body, the possibility of a baby with health issues. I know situations where the older sibling really has suffered due to the needs of the younger one.

Go for it and if it doesn’t work, just be very grateful you got one. I am sat here at age of 53 looking at my DS who starts high school next week. I didn’t manage to get pregnant a second time but am super grateful that it worked once.

I'd go for it.

Just to add you can have medicated or unmedicated cycles when implanting a frozen embryo. At my clinic their costs are the same either way (scans, consultations etc) but you don’t have to pay for medicines if unmedicated (a few hundred as I recall). You can’t control timings with unmedicated so have to drop everything and go when the timing’s right.

Last time I did medicated as I thought that would give the best chance but I struggled with illness every period for months afterwards (migraines, being physically sick, so exhausted I couldn’t physically stay awake and had to come home from work and sleep all day more than once). I have never heard of anyone else reacting to the medication the way I did but I’ll go unmedicated next time as the meds are clearly too much for me.

The clinic said the odds are the same either way.

I'd do it in a heartbeat, why wouldn't you?

You're not even that old. Yes, a bit older but how you feel and how healthy you are generally are more important. It's a stamina game I think, getting through your 40s and 50s with DC.

Both DC would still be out of university by the time you're 65 (standard courses, standard retirement age for now), therefore, in my view, you wouldn't be really old parents, you would get away with it financially and still get a good retirement for yourselves.

Your big risks are straightforward failure; to implant, then early miscarriage. Not particularly birth defects, which are more about the age of the egg and sperm. There are always risks of course but that's true for parents of all ages.