Two months to decide or never have another baby

[Whatnext2018]

Hi all,

After 9 years struggling to conceive, miscarriages and an emergency ectopic right tube loss) on the third round of ivf I fell pregnant at age 39.
We now have a gorgeous 2 year old Dd.
We had one remaining embryo frozen from my cycle at 39, they keep it for us until the end of November.
I have to decide (quickly) if we will try again by implanting it in the next couple of months.
I’d be 42 when i got pregnant, 43 when the baby was born.
I’m just really unsure, I’m thinking it would be unlikely to work anyway as we failed so many other cycles and our girl is a miracle, but I feel sad at her being an only child.
I’m also not sure I’m too old..! The egg would be from when I was 39, so not ‘As’ bad, but still...what would you do?

Go for it! My friend used a 7-year-old embryo and now has a gorgeous, healthy, smiley, wonderful 4-year-old!

Although I haven't gone down the IVF route, I had my last baby when I was 42. So my egg was no spring chicken! My gorgeous boy is 6 now! I had my first baby when I was 29. So yeah, I am more tired at 48 than I was at say, 38. But I think that's more because I've been doing the 'Muuum! I have to wee/I need a drink/I had a bad dream/can I sleep in your bed?' shuffle for a long time.
Years ago, when I was a mum at the school gates in my early 30s, you'd hardly meet a mum over 35. Nowadays, it's just so normal to have 50-year-old mums dropping off their 6-year-olds. I'm not exaggerating. It's great. I'm friends with mums in their 20s and mums in their 50s. We're all in the same club... trying to stay sane.

Go for it, with bells on, I say. You won't regret it! I hope it all works out.

You sound lovely OP, your babies are very lucky, what ever you choose.

If it's just age that you are worried about, I personally would go for it.

You mentioned birth defects... As a mum to a child with special needs it is harder and more consuming. It does affect the whole family. But I know it is not possible to love anyone more than I love my SN child.

Use all the information you have now, and only you on balance can make the right decision for you. Don't be worried to use how you feel as a large part of that decision. If you want to, then absolutely go for another baby! If you decide it's not right for you, that's fine too.

You may look back in months/years with regret but you have to remember you could only make a decision using the information you had at the time, so please don't be hard on yourself later down the line with the beauty of retrospect xx

I’d go for it. I had my first at 39 and my second at 42 and it’s been great. They are 18 and 15 now.

Absolutely go for it. You would always wonder ‘what if’ otherwise. I was 42 women I had my second child and all was fine. Wishing you the best of luck.

‘women’!? I meant ‘when!

@Whatnext2018

It does tear at my heart thinking of letting it go and what will happen to it.

It sounds like you'd regret it if you didn't give it a go. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

OP, what does your husband think? Does he want another baby?

I would go for it.

I had my children at 42, 43 and 45.

Most mums I know had their children late 30’s - early 40’s. A friend of mine had her first baby last year at 46 after 16 years ttc and several rounds of IVF.

In your shoes I think I would have to take the chance and let the universe take its course.

@Phoenix21 Ahh ok, that’s reassuring in terms of time, but really we’d need to use it pretty soon anyway even if we did pay to store it a little longer. Any ideas on general fees? I just assumed I’d definitely decide either way by the time limit...but time has passed so quickly!

In your particular situation I would certainly try it.

If it doesn’t happen, you tried but thought it was a long shot and you are happy with one child.

If it does happen, there are no significant downsides - a smallish gap between siblings, the embryo would be screened so not like getting pregnant at 43 from ‘scratch’ and so on.

Every situation is different and sometimes letting the chance go is right, but in your place I’d want to try it. It’s a one-time decision and if it doesn’t end in a successful pregnancy at least you know you tried it.

@Phoenix21 i felt the same about being an older parent (42) and wanting our firstborn to have a sibling. We ended up having another two.

Do it. Had our son after very first round of IVF (ICSI) at 38 but never succeeded again after another 2 cycles. Never enough eggs or any other embryos to freeze. He is now 20 and a wonderful DS, but I still wonder 'what if' we had started earlier. You have the option; you have nothing to lose.

We have 2 IVF babies - I had the first at 41 and the second at 43. We paid to keep the embryos frozen for a second year (only one "free" year) and if I remember it was £300.
We decided to "have a go" believing that we could not be as lucky to get a positive the second time around with frozen embryos - but we were. Now have a 3 1/2 YO and a 21 month old.

OP, I was in pretty much your exact position - DD born at 39, one frozen embryo remaining. We did want her to have a sibling if it was possible, so we went for it, but were unlucky. I’m mostly glad, to be honest, I really didn’t enjoy pregnancy or mat leave, but I’m also glad we tried because there would have always been that ‘what if’ question.

DD would love a sibling, she can get quite lonely at home, and lockdown was particularly difficult for her. So I do feel bad that I wasn’t able to do it for her, but knowing that we tried our best makes a big difference!

Regarding genetic defects, these would arise in the ageing egg, so the clock is effectively stopped at the time of conception and the risk for your remaining embryo is no higher than it was for your DD.

I absolutely think you should go for it. For all the concerns you’ve raised, it sounds like underneath it all you’d have regrets if you didn’t try.

I would go for it otherwise I'd always look back and wonder what if. I had my second at 44 and there were no problems at all with the pregnancy or baby.

I personally would go for it. 43 I don’t think Is old.

Go for it. If it's meant to be, then it will be.

If you don't, then you will always be left wondering what if.

Do it

@Icantrememebrtheartist in all honesty, I do not desire 3 children, just 2! I had already decided to ask what the chances of a biopsied 6 day blast splitting are.

@Whatnext2018 our storage fees for the last embryo will be €300pa.

Our U.K. storage fees were £300 (I miscarried those babies, it felt like I financially cared for them a while at least).

To be clear, if it didn’t work out I’m quite content with my 1 miracle baby. If I didn’t have the embryo I wouldn’t try further IVF.

I knew that before this pregnancy stuck (8 year veteran).

DO IT!!!!!

Absolutely 100% do it

I vote go for it. I think you would always regret it if you didn't.

You certainly aren't too old💐 Good luck.