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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My in laws want to visit us on our camping trip

137 replies

ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 14:47

we're booked to go camping with the kids on the bank holiday weekend about an hour away from our home. Like most people, have had a bit of an odd year cooped up in the house and looking forward to a change of scene.

DH saw his parents (they live nearish) and they asked all about it including the name of the campsite. they then said 'oh, we'll visit you, we'd love to see that part of the world'.

DH was vague, non committal as I wasn't there and asked me later what i thought. i said i'd rather they didn't come as we hadn't invited them. we both now think that if we do nothing they will just turn up at the campsite as they have the name of it and are real 'dropper inners' (this is a back story which i've posted about before).

i'm really pissed off as we never invited them but DH thinks that if we explicitly tell them not to come we're being 'mean and ungrateful'.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Rhinosaur · 27/08/2020 14:49

The site we were at earlier in the summer did not allow visitors due to covid.

TidyDancer · 27/08/2020 14:49

Depends what they mean by visit. Would they stop by for an hour or stay all day? If the latter then I wouldn't like it. Possibly would be relevant how much you see them already.

Bluebell9 · 27/08/2020 14:49

Are you planning to be out and about when you are there or staying on the camp site during the day?
How big is the camp site?

honeygirlz · 27/08/2020 14:50

What does a visit mean? Will they expect you to cancel plans to visit with them?

Couldn't DH tell them that it doesn't make sense them driving all that way as you all will doing activities until bedtime, so it's better to organise a separate day out with everyone when you're back from your trip?

AriettyHomily · 27/08/2020 14:50

No visitors allowed where I've just been either

AryaStarkWolf · 27/08/2020 14:50

YANBU, just tell them you have outings planned for the weekend and don't want to commit to meeting up with anyone but thanks for thinking of you

Beachbodylonggone · 27/08/2020 14:52

You take 1 item of everything only per person..
And accounted for food.
Unless they turn up with a food hamper they will have to buggar off..
And if the food items are good you may want them to stay!!

Original poster
ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 14:52

campsite is big
yes we are planning on being out and about in the day but also spend some time on the campsite.
if we are say we are going walking, or for a pub lunch, they are likely to invite themselves along.
we see them about once a week on average i'd say

OP posts:
Penguinnn · 27/08/2020 14:52

I see no problem with it at all if you like them and get in with them. Why do you object? Do you not like them? Or is it as simple as you didn’t invite them?

Original poster
ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 14:53

the no visitors thing might be my saving grace

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/08/2020 14:54

Just say that you don’t want to make plans and just decide what to do as and when so if they do come there is no guarantee you will be there

Coffeeandbeans · 27/08/2020 14:55

Would you treat your parents the same?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2020 14:56

Ugh. I absolutely HATE it when people invite themselves to something, never mind a bloody holiday. I would first check to see if the site allows visitors, hopefully the answer is no, but if that doesn't work I would be telling your husband to put an end to their cheeky plans.

Mellonsprite · 27/08/2020 14:56

It depends what they mean by dropping by, I wouldn’t mind meeting up for a planned walk but waiting for them to drop in without a firm arrangement all day sounds no fun.
If you don’t want to meet up can you say you’ve got plans (Vague but immovable ones) ??

Original poster
ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 14:56

i don't dislike them, but they tend to sit around watching us work, don't help with the children, all whilst expecting conversation - it's just not what i had i mind.

there also not planners and huge faffers so it may impede our plans to get out for the day

OP posts:
Shodan · 27/08/2020 14:58

You can still like people and not want them to join you on holiday.

In all honesty OP I think your best bet, if you're inclined to worry about it to the extent it will ruin your trip (as I would be), I think I'd get in and forestall them by offering one lunch somewhere- a pub or whatever

You could say "We've got so much planned, we're really excited, but we'd love to meet up for lunch one day." Then you have unbreakable 'plans' for before and after. Give them an exact day (maybe even one you know they usually have plans) and regretfully say no can do to any other days.

Elouera · 27/08/2020 14:59

HOw far away from your home is the campsite? Is it drivable within a day, have lunch and back again? Are the inlaws thinking of staying at the campsite also, or just meet for lunch somewhere?

You already see them weekly!!! Confused I can understand wanting some space to do your own thing.

I agree with:- not knowing what you will be doing day to day due to weather, what you want to see and do, wanting a lie in etc etc

  • no visitors at campsite
  • lets do a pub lunch before we go, and we will see again AFTER our holidays Grin
TorkTorkBam · 27/08/2020 15:00

How would they know about the pub lunch or the walk?

Is it because DH will be in constant contact making sure they can arrange to meet up?

Original poster
ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 15:01

my own parents are far less likely to do something like this, especially since covid. I've seen my own parents once since march

OP posts:
ShellsAndSunrises · 27/08/2020 15:05

From what you’ve said, they’re going to turn up if you leave it as it is... and you’re probably not going to enjoy waiting round to see when they decide to pop in. So you can either set up something specifically to do with them, that’s planned, or someone needs to talk to them and say that no visitors are allowed or there just isn’t time or there was crossed wires or whatever so that they don’t drive over.

Beachbodylonggone · 27/08/2020 15:08

A quick email telling them a change of venue.
Be vague.
If they ring a sorry can't chat and a quick bye...
Yabu to have forgotten they have form.

Sillysop92 · 27/08/2020 15:08

The campsite I stayed at 2 weeks ago had a big sign saying no visitors, so they could come but they wouldn’t be allowed to come on to site. Perhaps meet up for a meal?

CalmdownJanet · 27/08/2020 15:11

He said you were being "mean and ungrateful", what exactly is it he thinks you should be grateful for??

Original poster
ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 15:13

They would know about the pub lunch/walk because the likely scenario would be they would drive over (hour from their house ish), find us, have a cup of tea, we would say, sorry we've got to go now to walk/pub lunch, and then they'd say 'great, we'll come too'. they are like rhinos in terms of taking a hint.

I've said to DH he needs to call them to say no visitors are allowed at the campsite and we'll invite them round the following weekend when we're at home. but he's crashing around sulking as if i'm being a real witch.

this is really ruining me looking forward to this.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2020 15:15

i'm really pissed off as we never invited them but DH thinks that if we explicitly tell them not to come we're being 'mean and ungrateful'

You're ungrateful because you don't want his parents intruding upon your holiday? I'd tell him to jog on.