Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

My in laws want to visit us on our camping trip

137 replies

ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 14:47

we're booked to go camping with the kids on the bank holiday weekend about an hour away from our home. Like most people, have had a bit of an odd year cooped up in the house and looking forward to a change of scene.

DH saw his parents (they live nearish) and they asked all about it including the name of the campsite. they then said 'oh, we'll visit you, we'd love to see that part of the world'.

DH was vague, non committal as I wasn't there and asked me later what i thought. i said i'd rather they didn't come as we hadn't invited them. we both now think that if we do nothing they will just turn up at the campsite as they have the name of it and are real 'dropper inners' (this is a back story which i've posted about before).

i'm really pissed off as we never invited them but DH thinks that if we explicitly tell them not to come we're being 'mean and ungrateful'.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Dontbeme · 27/08/2020 15:46

I would refuse to go anymore OP ..tell him just to take the kids

I agree, go to see your parents, you wrote you haven't seen them since March so enjoy some time with them and catch up.

call them yourself and say no visitors don’t make your husband do your dirty work

He dropped the info to them without speaking to the OP, knowing full well what they are like, he can deal with his own dirty work.

Alternatively invite your parents, brothers, sisters, and that nice bloke from down the road to the campsite too, be nice and grateful OP!

Neighneigh · 27/08/2020 15:47

This is very simple. The campsite we were at recently had literally zero signal. No phone reception at all. I've no idea where you're staying but turn your phones off and have a lovely trip. See the ins on the way back ("oh heavens!! Just got some signal, seen your 72 texts")

UnfinishedSymphon · 27/08/2020 15:48

@Penguinnn

I think you’re being unfair it’s your husbands holiday too. But I’m coming at it from my own point of view I always holiday with my family, it’s just the way we are. Everyone’s different if you don’t want them there call them yourself and say no visitors don’t make your husband do your dirty work.

How is OP being unfair, really? She wants a holiday with her family, they see his parents EVERY week, surely a few days away without seeing them is OK

forrestgreen · 27/08/2020 15:48

Tell dh you've rung the site and there's no visitors. If there's a particularly not pil friendly day out you could invite them on that, or tell them you're being spontaneous and to ring on a day. Then confiscate dh phone saying you're having a phone free holiday.

Lollypop4 · 27/08/2020 15:50

Quite simply, phone them up yourself and explain that you are all looking forward to the holiday as a family but on return home , they can visit.

If they still turn up, tell you told them not too, then you take DC off out and leave DH entertaining his parents.

UnfinishedSymphon · 27/08/2020 15:52

@ConnectFortyFour

Just to be clear, dh would be happy to see them - he is very spontaneous and sociable. It's me that has the issue with it. Though i think he'd be pissed off if we had to cancel a day out because of it

How would he feel if your parents turned up at the camp site?

Devlesko · 27/08/2020 15:53

This isn't your in laws it's your wimp of a husband. Sulking what an absolute turn off. Lie back and think of England.

diddl · 27/08/2020 15:53

"Though i think he'd be pissed off if we had to cancel a day out because of it"

Well then he tells them that you are organised for the day & can meet in the evening.

alexdgr8 · 27/08/2020 15:57

i hate these kind of situations.
why should you have to agree to a meal out with them just to humour them in the hope that they'll then leave you alone to have your family holiday, just the four of you.
it's like negotiating with kidnappers. it's all wrong.
and the whole manipulation thing that you can't tell them what you really want, because that would imply you don't want them there, and that would be rude/unkind, so you have to suffer emotional indigestion and swallow that reality, living in pretence.
how about you just tell them, no. this is our family time together, we 4.

Dadslearning · 27/08/2020 15:59

Little white lie tell them site doesn’t allow visitor due to covid and you can’t have them down for that reasons

Magicbabywaves · 27/08/2020 16:03

YANBU

MitziK · 27/08/2020 16:04

Going by the way the weather's turning, you might be incredibly grateful if they turn up, as you can decamp to somewhere that has four walls, a roof and no internal water features other than toilet and bath.

TorkTorkBam · 27/08/2020 16:06

Do you know if the campsite does allow visitors?

If they don't then it is a non-issue.

Bit daft of him to not ring and check given he knows his parents might turn up.

Foldinthecheese · 27/08/2020 16:07

@Aquamarine1029 I don’t know. My DH would be happy to see them, and the DC would enjoy it. I’m the only one who isn’t keen. We’ve been over it and over it and I’ve explained my feelings, but I don’t want to upset my in-laws or my DH. It won’t surprise you to know that this isn’t the first time we’ve had a difference of opinion regarding our boundaries with my in-laws.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 27/08/2020 16:08

I suspect that even though your DH is fine with seeing a lot of them it's probably you that ends up doing most of the social 'work' (like keeping the conversation going, making sure everyone is ok for tea and snacks, tidying, organising etc). So, if they do turn up at the campsite, you can say tell your DH that it's lovely that he has some company and you'll leave them to catch up and then bugger off by yourself for at least half a day, including at least one meal.

stovetopespresso · 27/08/2020 16:08

your dh could prioritise your feelings here, all you want is a small family break. how about you say the no visitors aww what a shame etc but arrange to meet them in a pub at a specific time during your trip? imo its important to show willing where in-laws are concerned, hope your dh appreciates your efforts in this

GetThatHelmetOn · 27/08/2020 16:13

I would tell them you will be out and about during the day but that you will pop in to visit them for an hour on your way home.

Cooltalkin · 27/08/2020 16:16

Just call them , tell them no visitors and anyway it’s family time for you two and dcs
Say you will see them next week job done
And after hol start dh to learn to do it instead
Yanbu at all cheek of them

Hopeisnotastrategy · 27/08/2020 16:24

@ConnectFortyFour

the ungrateful thing stung me too. I think he means in a general filial sense but they have also in the past given us money and although they don't do anything major like childcare they do lots of little favours like lifts or lending us things etc.. Seems like the strings are massive though

To be fair, it's your husband who says you are being ungrateful, not your inlaws. Please don't condemn them on that basis. Is your husband always this keen to spend your family's free time with them? He sounds a bit enmeshed.

Cuteypye · 27/08/2020 16:26

It is awful that they are trying to highjack your only holiday. Surely your husband can see how unfair this would be? He should just tell them that, as it is such a short break, you don’t want to be tied into waiting for them to visit on one of the whole days (presume only 3 nights / 2 whole days?). Say that what you want to do may change last minute, depending on the weather, and it would be a shame if they arrived and you had all gone out! Failing that, if dh isn’t willing to put them off visiting, you could take your dcs out and leave him to wait in and entertain his parents!

Jux · 27/08/2020 16:27

Just plan your days out, leaving fairly early. Then all phones get turned off so you can be a family together......

If by some miracle they find you on the large campsite before you've gone off for the day, then show them the kettle and continue to get yourself and family ready to go, then go. If they're ready to go when you are then fine, and if they're not you'll see them back home.....

Wishingforanotherlife · 27/08/2020 16:28

I think what they said in the OP is telling 'oh, we'll visit you, we'd love to see that part of the world'. If they are so keen to see it why can't they go and see it themselves. Sounds to me like they are using you as a base just so they can get to see a place without thinking about what your plans are. I hate it when people invite themselves to things - they never consider that it's polite to wait for an invite or include a get out clause like 'oh only if you're ok with that'. My SIL does this and it boils my piss as she changes the whole dynamic of the holiday/outing/whatever as she's so far up her own arse.

Use the 'no visitors' excuse as it's very likely that'll be the case - most sites I've been on recently have insisted that there are no visitors.

jessstan2 · 27/08/2020 16:30

@ConnectFortyFour

campsite is big yes we are planning on being out and about in the day but also spend some time on the campsite. if we are say we are going walking, or for a pub lunch, they are likely to invite themselves along. we see them about once a week on average i'd say

I doubt they'd want to visit more than once, maybe an afternoon and evening. I mean, they aren't going to be asking to stay over. However if you don't want it, just say no visitors are allowed on the campsite this year.

picklemewalnuts · 27/08/2020 16:35

Be out!
Get up and out every day, even if it's only on the campsite. Stay well away from the tent and turn your phones off.

Original poster

ConnectFortyFour · 27/08/2020 16:49

I have checked the site policy and it is no day visitors. Thanks for those who suggested. Gets me off the hook this time

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6