My in laws want to visit us on our camping trip

[ConnectFortyFour]

we're booked to go camping with the kids on the bank holiday weekend about an hour away from our home. Like most people, have had a bit of an odd year cooped up in the house and looking forward to a change of scene.

DH saw his parents (they live nearish) and they asked all about it including the name of the campsite. they then said 'oh, we'll visit you, we'd love to see that part of the world'.

DH was vague, non committal as I wasn't there and asked me later what i thought. i said i'd rather they didn't come as we hadn't invited them. we both now think that if we do nothing they will just turn up at the campsite as they have the name of it and are real 'dropper inners' (this is a back story which i've posted about before).

i'm really pissed off as we never invited them but DH thinks that if we explicitly tell them not to come we're being 'mean and ungrateful'.

AIBU?

I really cant abide family or friends inviting themselves. It is the height of rudeness and bad manners.

Aaaand meanwhile in the real world . . . I don’t know a single person in real life who this would bother, goodness mumsnet is odd at times. I think your husband is right, it is mean. They want a little day trip to a place they’ve not explored before, you being there is a good reason to do that

Nah I wouldn't have this. My DM was like this. She would visit and do absolutely nothing. She wouldn't spend time with DS, make a cup of tea, wash a dish ... nothing. But expect me to pander to her after my working all day. If they turn up they can take the children off somewhere for the day.

TheFuckingDogs I don't think it's a Mumsnet issue. DP's parents recently said they'd drive down to join us on a short weekend away. I was a little disappointed as on holiday we like it fairly ad hoc - e.g. if the weather is unexpectedly good, take the chance for a long bike ride - but when you're in a group you tend to lose some of that as people will have different timings, not everyone likes the same things, etc.

I was prepared to suck it up and not say anything, but I didn't have to - DP put his foot down and said it just wouldn't be practical. Some things are just easier as a smaller group, and as PPs have said, particularly this year, I think a lot of people just want a complete change of scenery without reminders as to everyday life.

OP - I completely sympathise and I think of an opportunity comes up there have been some good messages for your ILs from posters upthread - e.g. nothing at all personal - we just want to have a chance of scenery and keep things simple with how this year has been. I hope you have a lovely time 😊

They are the ones who are rude: inviting yourself to anything is just rude and is not a behaviour I support.

You see them once a week so you are not depriving them of your company in anyway.
I'm glad the site rules give you an easy out in this instance. But it is good that this has cropped up because it gives you a chance to discuss the boundaries with DH now for future occasions. The trouble with relying on a DH who is reluctant to tell them straight is that the inaction creates expectations and makes it harder and harder to say that something isn't suitable. Then you have to tell them and it does put you in the wicked witch role. So this is a great opportunity to work out now between you how you handle this in future. It is mortifying when having asked someone to say a simple no in time, they drag it out and make it into a big deal when you have to step in and say no for them. Don't let that develop because then you get the worst of both worlds, having to go along with things because its too late to pull out or being stuck with the reputation of "the difficult one" who is stopping our son doing what we want.
Also How many opportunities will you get to get away from it all with your husband and young family. This time is just as important to you as it is to parents who already see you regularly. Its great that they want to be involved in your lives, really great, but the balance here sounds a little too out of synch for comfort. Good luck and enjoy your break.

I’m glad for you that the site won’t allow visitors. It is so rude to just invite yourself anywhere let alone someone’s holiday. What’s the point of even being away if you normally see them weekly at home? Your husband sounds very childish. It’s been a horrible year and you are doing nothing wrong by wanting to be away for a bit. I would have just rang them myself anyway saying it’s my holiday and I will arrange something when I get back

If they are not toxic people, I'd say you are being petty without thinking these are your hubby's parents. Accept people for what they are, hurry things along and ask them to come along or they'd be left alone at the campsite, if you have plans to hike or walk around. Remember your kids are watching how you treat parents, they will in turn treat you the same way. As I say this, I really am shaking my head. Especially saying if they bring a proper hamper, you might then ask them to stay. And you wonder why your husband is being sulky. what if he treated your family the same way?

Remember too, that DC need to learn to choose to spend their precious free time time with people whose company they enjoy., Not necessarily with people who rudely and selfishly impose themselves with no concept of boundaries or understanding of others' needs, simply because they are family.
If children can't speak honestly and openly to parents out of fear, it isn't much of a relstionship anyway.

I'd use covid excuse it's the perfect get out. Had the same scenario years ago but with no warning! These types of overbearing people can become very self entitled trust me I know! Set boundaries is my advice. Have a great holiday!

Hope you are having a great, in law free, holiday OP.

Did you go camping in this unseasonably cold and wet weather?